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Our Granddaughter’s Visit

This past week our granddaughter from Tom has been with us from. It has been a great week with her. She has been an especially good companion for Kate. Throughout the week Kate has been impressed (as she has in the past) with Heather’s keen observance of things around her. She notices many things that we miss. I can’t help thinking, however, that this has been especially noticeable for Kate as her own memory declines. Two quick examples. Kate and I were looking for a picture I had taken of a Crowned Crane in Africa. It wasn’t long before Heather showed her the framed picture hanging on her wall in her office. Similarly, Kate had received a photo taken of Ken and her when they were young children. Kate commented that she already a copy of that picture but couldn’t recall what she had done with it. Not too much later, Heather showed her the picture that was displayed in our family room.

On a similar note, I was struck by a couple of things that Kate could not remember as she and Heather were preparing a special Father’s Day and birthday dinner for Dad and me. First, Kate asked me where we keep our placemats. Although we don’t eat at home much, we do get the placemats out often enough that I was surprised that she didn’t remember where they are kept. She also asked me where the spatulas are kept. A little less surprising is that she also asked where the blender was kept. This is less surprising in that I am the one most likely to use it. I use it regularly to blend soups for Dad.

We both thanked Heather for being with us and how helpful she had been. Heather commented on Kate’s forgetting things. I believe, however, that she doesn’t suspect the actual situation. She simply thinks of Kate as having a bad memory. This may be the story we see played out with the rest of the family.

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Odds and Ends

Brian left last night after being here for a week. During the week that he was here, Kate exhibited periodic “fright/annoyance” at various loud noises he made. She repeatedly had to tell him to stop making certain noises. He always stopped, but would forget and make them again later.

Kate  also had her most recent appointment with Dr. Reasoner on Wednesday afternoon. This time I did not go with her since I was taking care of Brian. I felt Kate would be all right by herself. I had suggested a few weeks ago that we postpone the appointment, but she wanted to go ahead. She found talking with Dr. Reasoner to be soothing. She likes her style of being forthright but in a sensitive manner. She doesn’t sugarcoat things.

On the way to the doctor’s office, Kate got lost and called the office for directions. They were quite understanding and got her there.

As we waited for Brian’s plane to leave last night, Kate asked for my help in arranging a time for her “Library Ladies” group to have lunch. It is her time to set the date and place. She just hadn’t done so and needed my help in figuring out when people could come. Several had sent her emails with possible dates, but she couldn’t manage to go through them and see what dates were best. Only 4 people had responded; so it wasn’t a big deal, but it was too difficult for her. I gave her the best dates, and she entered it in her iPhone. When we met for lunch she said she had been unable to locate the information and couldn’t remember it and asked for my help again. We went through it one more time, and this time I think it will work.

Her willingness to ask for my help is good but also makes me sad. She recognizes that she can’t keep things straight, so she needs help. This morning she sent me an email with 2 appointments for next week. She likes for me to put them on my calendar so that I can make sure she doesn’t forget.

On the positive side, I am amazed at how well she is accepting her condition. I know she has ups and downs, but, on the whole, she is doing remarkably well. Given her chronic depression, I would have thought this would be a much lower blow than it has been.

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A Visit from Family

Today is Dad’s brother’s birthday. He and his wife, Elizabeth, and my brother, Scott, arrived here on Wednesday for a visit with Dad. All of them stayed at our house. They were all great guests, but it is more stressful for Kate to make plans and execute them. This is a pattern that has been developing over the past few years. Since we received her diagnosis, we have been working more deliberately to minimize stress. We did that this weekend by taking a meal from an Italian restaurant near Dad’s nursing facility on Wednesday night, bringing in meals on Thursday night and Saturday noon (when we celebrated Tom’s 80th birthday), and eating out Friday and Saturday nights.

In addition, I took care of breakfast each morning by bringing in bagels and muffins. I also got a mixture of fruit for Elizabeth on two mornings. I let Kate  sleep as long as she wanted. That meant that she didn’t get up on Thursday or Friday morning until after our guests had left for Dad’s.

The weekend went well. We took note of some things that we wouldn’t have thought of before. For example, Wednesday night Tom told us about someone they had known who had AD and that she had wandered away from home and how frightened her family was. He mentioned that it might be good if AD patients had a chip like the one they use in dogs implanted in them so that they would be easily found. When we went to bed, Kate wanted to be held and comforted and mentioned something about Tom’s remark. I find myself holding back from saying things like this. Some of those are in reference to my mother’s dementia. Others are related to my father or someone else, In fact, Kate asked me recently how long Jane, one of her friends has had AD. When I told her about 12 years, she was bothered. I thought that would encourage her, but it was discouraging. I assume because Jane’s condition has been obvious for a few years (2-3?). I am sure it may have hit Kate in two ways. (1) It may only be a few years until her condition is obvious to others, and (2) she may live a long time in the latter condition, something she dreads.

In addition to the visit with family, we met with Kate’s psychologist on Wednesday afternoon to receive her evaluation. Although she had areas of strength, primarily verbal, she is functioning below normal in many areas for someone of her age and education. Dr. Taylor indicated evidence of mild dementia. Kate asked her if she had received the PET scan results, and she had not. We told her about the diagnosis. When we left, Kate  said, “I could just cry.” This typifies most of her response to the diagnosis. She has not had any significant emotional outbursts. She is experiencing mostly a sadness and worry regarding the future. I am sure she must be thinking about time with grandchildren and missing out on important family events in the future.