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Events That Make Me Think About the Future

Several things have happened this morning and the past several days that make me think more about Kate’s condition and progress. As usual, we went to church separately and were to meet in the sanctuary. When she didn’t show up, I thought she must have gotten detained with someone after Sunday school and ended up sitting in the back of the sanctuary. When we drove to lunch after church, she said she had had one of those experiences in which the brain just didn’t work. It turned out that she had entered the sanctuary on the left side rather than the right side where we (I) always sit. She looked along the rows in the area where she thought I would be and finally took a seat by herself. It was only later (I think after the service) that she realized she had gone to the wrong place and that I was sitting right where I always do.

The other events involve updates on several people we know who have dementia. At our recent (this past Wed) meeting of the executive committee of the music club, someone asked about one of our members who has dementia. The word was that she has good and bad days. She and her husband have moved to a continuing care facility. This has been a problem for him because his photo studio is in their house and he is still active in his photography.

In addition, in Sunday school this morning one of our members reported that her husband will be staying permanently at the nursing facility where he has been in rehab. Although he has recovered physically from recent surgery, it has been a setback mentally. He was diagnosed with dementia 7 years ago. It made me think about Kate’s progress. Seven years would put her at 77 which is much sooner than I care to think although I have feared from the first that she might move along more quickly than we have wanted to believe.

Another member of our Sunday school class was there this morning. She seemed to have progressed further in her dementia than I had noticed in the past. She gave me a gentle but big hug and told me she loved me. It breaks my heart to see her and to imagine where Kate will be in a few years.

In this morning’s paper I read an obituary of an old acquaintance who would have been my age. Donations options were given, one that included a day care facility, and I thought he might have had AD or dementia. I found out that is correct.

On occasion I mention to Kate about someone’s having AD, but most often I find myself unwilling to say anything because I don’t want to add any anxiety to that which I know she already feels.

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Attempting to Live Normally

It is now almost 3 ½ months since Kate’s diagnosis. There isn’t much to report since the last post. We are both moving into a period that I would describe as “normal” except that we can’t forget, and we make references to AD more and with more personal meaning than in the past. I find myself avoiding mentioning anything about other people with AD. For example, in SS this past Sunday, Pam was clapping as we sang Happy Anniversary for one of the couples in the class. She seemed to be enjoying herself so. Normally she doesn’t say anything, but is so sweet and gives everyone a hug when they greet her. I shy away from telling Kate because I don’t want her to dwell on her future condition. However, she sees enough on her own that I can’t prevent such experiences entirely.

She continues to work on the family album. It is so hard for her to remember how to import pictures and where she has stored them on her computer. She gets awfully frustrated.

I was out of town last week, and she got along just fine. I had been concerned about leaving her as we both have noted her increasing dependence on me. I sometimes feel caught in a conflict between wanting her to be as independent as she can be and wanting to help her as much as I can.

The movement into a normal period is illustrated by the fact that she dropped yoga after her one-month trial. She originally said she would go back, but I am beginning to wonder. She is working in the yard which makes her feel good both physically and psychologically. Perhaps when the album is done, she will try yoga again.

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Not Much to Report

Not a lot to report today. For the most part the days since my last entry have not been too eventful. The one thing I would say is that Kate is feeling frustrated more easily and, I think, less patient with herself. The biggest source of frustration right now is the family photo album that she is working on with her brother. I know she is working more slowly than he would like. He has indicated in several communications that he wants to wrap things up. She feels that the album needs more work and that there is information not currently included that should be there.

She continues to be forgetful. The Aricept has certainly not changed that (nor is it supposed to). In a brief conversation we had at Chalupas over the weekend, she indicated that she thought she had deteriorated since January 21 when Dr. Reasoner first told her the results of the PET scan. I told her that I couldn’t see any sign of that and wouldn’t expect noticeable changes to occur in so short a time frame.

One example of her forgetfulness is that she wanted to get into her online bank account to pay a bill for some work on the flowerbed in the front yard. When I helped her, I discovered she had been using the wrong password. I offered to help her with making the online payment and she wanted to do it herself. I take this as a sign that she doesn’t want to give up all independence. She ultimately was able to do it, but it took a while to do so.