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Meeting with Social Worker

Yesterday Kate met with Lillian Walters, a social worker with a physician’s practice. Kate had previously known Lillian through counseling sessions a few years ago in connection with her depression. When I got home from seeing Dad at Life Care, she filled me in on the meeting with Lillian.

First of all, she was pleased with Lillian and how things went. She indicated that Lillian seemed to think of things that she had not thought of. I can’t begin to remember any order to what Kate told me, and I suspect she didn’t tell me in order either. Here are some of the things I remember.

Lillian asked about telling the children and friends. Kate indicated she didn’t plan to tell either until what we think is an appropriate time down the road. Lillian asked her why, and she said that she felt the children and friends would want to “mother” her. Kate has been sensitive to being told what to do by others. She doesn’t like it at all.

Lillian asked if there were anyone she felt she would be comfortable confiding in. Kate thought of two people at church, although she told me last night that she might not want to burden one because she has some current issues herself. The other one might be a better one to talk with. I asked her if she would do that before others knew. She said, “yes.”

Lillian asked her about planning for the future. Kate told her she was going to write her own obituary and that she would begin on that soon. She also asked if Kate had a bucket list. Kate indicated that we were creating that right now. She told Lillian that she was trying to simplify her life. As an example, Kate told her that she was not going to cook anymore. She went on to tell her about a couple of recent examples that led to too much frustration.

Kate also told her about our travel plans. Kate also indicated that as she progressed, we might take more cruises that would not be too taxing on her. She also indicated that we might be able to enjoy Chautauqua even after we feel overseas trips are not best.

Kate expressed satisfaction that she is with her physician’s practice. Dr. Reasoner, Lillian, and a psychiatrist in the practice have also been valuable resources from the past and will be in the future as well.

Kate told Lillian about our meeting on January 21 with Dr. Reasoner and how she directly, but sensitively, told her the results of the PET scan. Kate is still eager to learn as much as she can about how far into the disease she is. She told me she remembers watching Dr. Reasoner’s reaction when I had mentioned Kate’s getting lost on the way to the airport to meet Kevin and his family at Thanksgiving. Kate interpreted the reaction as an indication that this meant a strong sign of AD. Lillian told Kate something similar yesterday.

This afternoon at 2:15, we meet with Dr. Reasoner. I want to ask about her Aricept. She is currently taking half a tablet a day, and I thought I recalled that Dr. Reasoner said she would switch to a whole table in a month or so. Kate wants to ask Dr. Reasoner how far along she is in the disease. I am suspecting that will be a difficult question for Dr. Reasoner to answer, but she may be able to give some general guideline.

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A Visit from Family

Today is Dad’s brother’s birthday. He and his wife, Elizabeth, and my brother, Scott, arrived here on Wednesday for a visit with Dad. All of them stayed at our house. They were all great guests, but it is more stressful for Kate to make plans and execute them. This is a pattern that has been developing over the past few years. Since we received her diagnosis, we have been working more deliberately to minimize stress. We did that this weekend by taking a meal from an Italian restaurant near Dad’s nursing facility on Wednesday night, bringing in meals on Thursday night and Saturday noon (when we celebrated Tom’s 80th birthday), and eating out Friday and Saturday nights.

In addition, I took care of breakfast each morning by bringing in bagels and muffins. I also got a mixture of fruit for Elizabeth on two mornings. I let Kate  sleep as long as she wanted. That meant that she didn’t get up on Thursday or Friday morning until after our guests had left for Dad’s.

The weekend went well. We took note of some things that we wouldn’t have thought of before. For example, Wednesday night Tom told us about someone they had known who had AD and that she had wandered away from home and how frightened her family was. He mentioned that it might be good if AD patients had a chip like the one they use in dogs implanted in them so that they would be easily found. When we went to bed, Kate wanted to be held and comforted and mentioned something about Tom’s remark. I find myself holding back from saying things like this. Some of those are in reference to my mother’s dementia. Others are related to my father or someone else, In fact, Kate asked me recently how long Jane, one of her friends has had AD. When I told her about 12 years, she was bothered. I thought that would encourage her, but it was discouraging. I assume because Jane’s condition has been obvious for a few years (2-3?). I am sure it may have hit Kate in two ways. (1) It may only be a few years until her condition is obvious to others, and (2) she may live a long time in the latter condition, something she dreads.

In addition to the visit with family, we met with Kate’s psychologist on Wednesday afternoon to receive her evaluation. Although she had areas of strength, primarily verbal, she is functioning below normal in many areas for someone of her age and education. Dr. Taylor indicated evidence of mild dementia. Kate asked her if she had received the PET scan results, and she had not. We told her about the diagnosis. When we left, Kate  said, “I could just cry.” This typifies most of her response to the diagnosis. She has not had any significant emotional outbursts. She is experiencing mostly a sadness and worry regarding the future. I am sure she must be thinking about time with grandchildren and missing out on important family events in the future.