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Trip Report (Memphis)

Last night Kate and I returned home after 9 nights away. Our timing was good. Unfortunately, we found that the HVAC is not operating at all. I called the service company. They are sending someone to the house between 4:00 and 6:00 this afternoon.

This was a relaxed but busy trip. We first stopped in Nashville where we had lunch with our friends, the Davises. Then we went to Memphis where we spent three nights with our daughter and her boys. Then we drove to Helena, Arkansas for the wedding of Kate’s cousin’s granddaughter. We spent one night there. After the wedding reception we stayed three nights with our longtime friend Dorothy Hinely and her husband Mitch. We came back to Jesse’s house for one night. Yesterday morning we left for home. We stopped in Nashville to visit with Ellen in her new apartment (assisted living). She looked great but is still have difficulty with her speech. We visited for an hour and then drove on home.

All that description is a preface to my observations regarding Kate’s adjustment during the trip. First, I should say that she had a great time. We repeatedly talked about what a good time we had had seeing all the people and enjoying the scenery and the home and grounds of the Hinelys. Seeing Ellen was also a special pleasure, not to mention the excitement of the wedding and the pleasure of seeing our daughter and her boys.

The downside is that too much happened too quickly. It led to a bit more confusion for Kate though it did not seem to diminish her pleasure. Some things were similar to what we experience while at home. For example, I pointed out a stone wall near Dorothy’s house. Kate immediately said she noticed it every time we went by it. This was the first time we had driven by this area.

Other things were somewhat different. Here are a few things that were evidence of her confusion.

1. The day before the wedding and the day of the wedding we were with a lot of people we had never met. Kate got quite confused by who is who. By itself that wouldn’t be anything unusual. I had trouble with the names myself. I was surprised that she had great difficulty with her relationship with Tina, her cousin, and the relationship between Tina and the bride. She asked me repeatedly to explain this to her. More startling, was the fact that she asked me to tell her Tina’s name at one point. We had good conversations with Tina’s son and who is the father of the bride. Immediately following one of those encounters, Kate asked, “Now who is he?”

2. We were moving from one place to another so much that she couldn’t recall where we were or when or where we were going. Several times she asked if we were going home today.

3. The second morning we were at Dorothy and Mitch’s she left Dorothy and me in the kitchen after breakfast. We talked an hour or so. Then Dorothy wanted to go upstairs and get her shower, and I wanted to check on Kate. When I got upstairs, I looked in our room, but she was not there. I walked out of the room and saw Dorothy who was coming up the stairs. I looked in Dorothy’s room and noticed that Kate was in Dorothy and Mitch’s bedroom resting in their bed. We lowered our voices so as not to disturb her. She heard us and said, “You don’t have to lower your voices. I’m awake.” She continued to rest. Dorothy asked Kate if it would bother her if she went ahead and showered and dressed. Kate said no. In a few minutes Kate came into our room and got into bed. I don’t know if she ever realized that she had been in the Hinely’s bed. Dorothy and I never said anything to her. She never said anything herself. It would not surprise me if she had not realized it.

4. We stopped at Cracker Barrel for lunch yesterday. When the two of us went to the receptionist’s stand, she told us there would be a few minutes wait. I gave her our name, and she said she would call us. I told Kate and the hostess that I would be in the men’s room. Kate looked as though she were going on into the dining room. I motioned to her to wait and went to the men’s room. I figured she would walk around the store to look at the various items for sale. When I returned, I didn’t see her. Then the hostess called us. I asked if she had already seated my wife. She said that she hadn’t. We walked in the dining room and I saw Kate standing at a table waiting for me. It turns out that she had simply gone in and taken a table when I left for the men’s room. The hostess, who had planned to take us to another table, then told Kate she shouldn’t have taken a seat without going through her. As she walked away, I tapped her on the shoulder and explained that Kate has Alzheimer’s. Then she felt bad. I was afraid she was going to make a big deal about it. It was the first time I have felt the need for a card like the one that Kate’s cousin had. It said something like, “My husband has Alzheimer”s. Please understand if he says or does something that you think is out of place.” I may have to start preparations for such a card.

There were numerous other examples of confusion that occurred during the trip. I felt sad for her in that she must have felt tossed about without knowing where we were going, who we would be with, what we were going to do, how long we would stay. It must have been overwhelming.

On the other hand, I really believe she had a good time, but it makes me think I will need to be careful in planning our trip to Texas in December. I know, however, that we need (I want) to see several people before she declines any further. I may just have to take the risk.

I should also add that she did take rest breaks whenever it was possible. Even at Jesse’s, she went up to the room and stayed there for a couple of hours when she could have been downstairs with the children. That says a lot about her need to get away from situations that may be taxing her brain.

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Time for the Wedding

We spent a delightful morning and early afternoon with Tina driving to a beautiful park and having a picnic lunch. After dropping Her off at her place, I decided to check out the directions to the reception. We are back at our B&B and will stay here for a while before going to the wedding at 4:00.

Kate has been tired most of the day. The primary indicator has been that she has been rather quiet with Tina. She has been almost completely silent with me. She has acted like she is very bored. Earlier today when we were going to get Tina, she asked me where we were going. I told her, and she asked, ”And then are we going home?” I reminded her that we would go to the wedding and then to home of the groom’s parents for the reception. She seemed disappointed that I didn’t say that we were going home.

While on the drive to reception, we approached a rock wall similar to those in New England. I pointed it out to Kate. She said, “I notice it every time we drive by it.” This is the first time we had been anywhere close to this spot. Another Deja vu experience.

When we sat down in the living area of our B&B, she asked me where we were going from here. I told her to the wedding and then to the reception. She made no response. She is lying down beside me on the sofa resting. I plan for us to remain here for another 10-15 minutes. Then we will go on to the wedding. Her being so tired makes me wonder about our cruise for next May. I think going all that way to Europe for a cruise may not make any sense if she needs to rest most of the time.

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Sleepy This Morning

Kate and I are staying in a B&B in Arkansas, where we are staying in connection with a wedding of Kate’s cousin’s granddaughter this afternoon at 4:00. We got to bed around 10:30 last night. Kate has had a hard time getting up. I started waking her up just before 8:00. I finally went down to breakfast at 8:30. I came back, and she was still in bed. A while ago I told her we needed to leave.

She is just now getting up. Now I need to finish getting ready myself, but I wanted to note that I am observing more signs of her being worn out. This seems to happen when we are out of town and stay up later than usual. She also didn’t have time to rest much yesterday afternoon although she did take a 20-minute nap/rest.

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Visit with Jesse

We had a nice visit with Jesse the past three nights. Kate had a wonderful time. We enjoyed daily mornings at Otherlands where we got a bagel and muffins along with coffee and tea while we worked on our iPads. It is an active place that has a welcoming atmosphere.

We have also eaten two nice meals at lunch. We have always found interesting places to eat in Memphis.

Of course, there are the usual  signs of Kate’s AD, but that hasn’t kept us from enjoying ourselves.

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Revealing Comment

Kate and I are in Memphis sitting at a table at Otherlands, a popular coffee shop. She is working a jigsaw puzzle on her iPad. I am checking in on Facebook and email and responding. She just looked up and me and said, “You going to have to take out an ad in the paper saying that  “my wife needs a friend.” The loss of close friends is clearly a problem, one I have mentioned before, but this “out-of-the blue” comment illustrates her own feeling about not having anyone she can call a friend – at least one who is in town. I am glad that we were able to have lunch with Ann and Jeff when we passed through Nashville two days ago. It will also be nice to spend a few days with Dorothy and Mitch Hinely this coming weekend. In addition, the time spent with Jesse and her boys has been therapeutic as well. I am thinking about making more of an effort to travel here during the week in the months ahead.

I feel that we may only have as little as a year before it may not make much of a difference; so I should capitalize on the period of time when it matters most to her.

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A Couple of Experiences on the Road

We left Knoxville for Memphis yesterday. We stopped for lunch in Nashville with Ann and Jeff Davis. Early in the conversation, I asked them to tell us about their recent  trip to Italy. They had told us a little when Kate said she wanted to tell them about the wedding we are going to this weekend. It is the wedding of a granddaugher of her cousin Tina. It seemed a little abrupt as the Davises had said so little about their trip. I said, “We just finding out about their trip.” She said she thought they were through. I just let her go on with her explanation of the wedding.

When she told the story, it was somewhat disjointed. She first said she had to back up and tell them about her cousin Tina. It was a challenge for her to explain and it took her a while. I helped her with a couple of things. I think she gets frustrated with so much conversation by other people, and she wants to be involved as well. But she doesn’t have as large a set of things she can talk about. A little later in the conversation she said somewhat sternly that she wanted to a chance to say something.

As we left the restaurant, she asked, “What was this place again?” I told her, and she said, “I knew that.” Of course, she really did know that. She simply couldn’t remember what it was until she was reminded of the name.

When we got to Memphis, we went into a McDonalds for something to drink. While I went to the men’s room, she went to a table occupied by a staff member and sat with her. When I got back she was engaging in a conversation with the woman. This is something else that she might not have done years ago.

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Another Deja vu experience

This morning we spent a couple of hours at Panera. As we were walking out, Kate pointed to a table with 8 college-age women and said, “They sit at that table on the time.” I said, “So you’ve seen them before.” She nodded yes. The interesting thing is that I saw them get out of a van and noticed they were wearing warmup suits. When they came to the table, I saw the the University of Arkansas on the back of their jackets. This was obviously a team that was traveling to or from Arkansas.

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Still Many Good Times

Quite often I say that things are going well but mention all the many things that are the signs of Alzheimer’s that Kate experiences. Today I want to do something that I should do more of – report on a really upbeat moment. This morning I came home directly from the Y instead of dropping by my office. I did so because I wanted to make sure that Kate was cleaning up the guest room for Kevin who arrives at 5:00 pm this afternoon. As it turned out, she was working on her room and getting ready to work on the guest room where he will stay. I walked over to her, smiled, gave her a hug and said, “You’re getting things cleaned up for your little boy.” She said, “And for me as well.” It was just as normal a moment as we can have.

At 11:35, she came into the kitchen where I was working. She had dressed and looked ready for lunch. She asked what time it was. When I told her she said, “No wonder I’m so hungry.” We then went over to Applebee’s for lunch. We asked for our favorite server and sat at one of her tables. We enjoyed a brief conversation with her off and on throughout our time there. The meals were good. After we finished eating and paying, we just sat there another 15 minutes or so chatting, something we don’t do as much of nowadays. Just like the moment we shared in her room as she was cleaning, this was a simple but pleasurable moment in our day. It is these experiences that help both of us.

This follows Broadway night at Casa Bella last night with two other couples we have known from church. It appeared to be a good evening for all – at least it was for Kate and me. She really enjoyed herself. I was happy about that because we were with some big talkers, and Kate was a bit overshadowed. The two singers were people we have seen in several different productions at one of our local theaters. I doubt that Kate remembered that, but it added a nice touch to the evening. The entertainment and the company were everything we could have wanted. I have already requested reservations for next month.

These are just some of the experiences that make me feel very grateful even though we are facing rougher days ahead.

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More Signs of Memory Problems

Although we continue to get along reasonably well, there are instances of memory problems that occur throughout the day. For example, we came to Panera to work on our computers this afternoon. We looked for a table with an electrical outlet so that we would have access when our batteries ran out. When Kate’s battery was out she started looking for an outlet. I reminded her that we had one with our table. Then she was bothered by the sun as it began to shift and shine directly on her computer screen. I suggested a couple of chairs with an outlet in between. We went over there. In a few minutes, the sun shifted to where we were sitting. I told Kate to watch a woman at a table about 20 feet across the room from us. There was an outlet under her table. In a few minutes, Kate noticed that the woman was leaving. We picked up our things to move, but Kate didn’t know where to go. I had to point out where we were going.

I normally eat lunch with Kate, but yesterday I had a meeting at 10, 11, then lunch, and then was going to donate platelets at 2:00. For that reason, I went to Panera to get her a sandwich for lunch. I asked her if she wanted me to put it on the island or in the refrigerator. She said the refrigerator. Between lunch and donating platelets, I called home to check on her. I asked her if she had eaten the sandwich. First she said yes. Then she hesitated and sounded frustrated the way she often does when she doesn’t know the answer to a question I have asked. I told her it didn’t matter. When I got home, I noticed that the sandwich was still sitting in the refrigerator. She had obviously forgotten about it. Of course, this is not surprising since so much time had passed since I had told her about it.

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Imagining Ihings

During the past few days, it seems like Kate has been more bothered by being bored than in the past. For that reason I decided to come home from the office earlier today than I usually do so that she and I could do something together even if it involved just going to Panera’s. I got home at 10:33. Kate was working in the flower bed in the front of the house. I went to see her, and she was enjoying herself. I told her it was early and that I would just let her continue to work outside. Then I went inside and handled a few things. She finally came in about 12:15. We didn’t engage in any conversation. I felt there was no need to hurry as our only obligation was at 2:00 when she was getting her hair done followed by my getting a cut. At 1:00 she came into the kitchen and asked, “Is this all right?” I told her she was fine. She seemed greatly relieved. She was wearing something casual that she frequently wears. Since we were just going to eat and get a haircut, it really didn’t matter. I did look at her makeup and suggested that she smooth out the make up as it was heavily caked in spots as it often is. Although she wants me to check her makeup, she also believes I am too picky. She said something like, “Well, I’m not Queen Elizabeth. It doesn’t matter that much.”

Interrupted and finished 2015-09-19 (5:15 pm)

In the car she asked where we were going. I told her to Applebee’s for lunch and then to get our hair cut. She asked what time I had to be at my meeting. It turned out that she had been thinking she had to hurry to get ready because I had told her I had to go someplace. In fact, I had said nothing. She was mildly upset because she had rushed. While we were sitting at Applebee’s for lunch, she said, “For that you owe me a trip to Lowe’s.”

Today she had another experience in which she thought I had told her something. About an hour after we got back from lunch, she called to me from her office and said that she was going to try to take a nap. Another hour or so later, she came into the kitchen and said, “You were right.” I then guessed, “You couldn’t get to sleep?” She nodded her agreement. I didn’t tell her, but I had never said anything about her not being likely to get to sleep. She clearly thought we had. I have observed this kind of misunderstanding several other times. Will be looking to see if this is something that gets worse.