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Christmas Eve in Memphis

Yesterday Kate and I drove up to Memphis to spend Christmas with our daughter and her family. We came in late in the afternoon and just about an hour before going out to dinner. Following that we returned home where we watched The Grinch that Stole Christmas and a portion of Disney’s version of A Christmas Carol. It was a nice evening

Today has been leisurely for Kate and me. Although we both woke up around 5:00, we went back to sleep, and I didn’t get up until almost 7:30. Kate remained in bed an hour or so longer

Jesse worked on the preparation of a cheesecake for our dessert tomorrow and a shrimp salad she was preparing for a drop-in at her neighbor’s across the street. We all went to lunch at the old train station there. It was a delightful ride over and back with a lunch that was quite good.

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Another nice day

We’ve had another nice day. There isn’t much to report. We spent an hour or so at Panera this morning. Then Kate wanted to go to Lowe’s to see what plants they might have at this time of year. They were almost completely depleted. She did buy $50 worth of pansies that she plans to plant tomorrow

On the way to Lowe’s she asked me if I had said something to Sylvia about our moving to Texas. I didn’t know who she was talking about and asked if she meant Sylvia Bailey, our daughter’s mother-in-law. It turns out Kate was talking about our decorator whom we had seen at Panera while we were there. Kate noticed how puzzled I was and said, “Never mind.” I didn’t say anything more. It was as if she suddenly realized that she may have imagined this conversation. As I have noted in earlier posts, this is something that occurs periodically.

We had a couple of nice social encounters yesterday and today. The first was at Panera’s where we had lunch yesterday. A Rotary friend came in for lunch just as we were finishing up. He sat down beside us. That led to a conversation that lasted a little more than an hour. He is a funny guy and as a native Tennessean and former news broadcaster, he knows a lot of things that are happening around the state. Kate did not participate much, but she really enjoyed listening to the two of us.

The second experience was tonight at dinner at our favorite Mexican restaurant where I always speak Spanish with the servers. I engaged in conversation with one of them about how it seems like such a short time since we were there just before Christmas a year ago. After we finished the conversation, Kate said something like, “I would have married you just to hear a conversation like that.” She went on to explain that it was such a natural conversation between two people from such different worlds with no sense of any distance between us at all. I try to tell my friends that we don’t eat out just for food. It is an opportunity for significant social encounters. This is often the case.

I just remembered something else that occurred yesterday. We were driving to dinner when I said, “I haven’t seen Mark in a while. I think I will call him for coffee tomorrow afternoon.” She replied in a soft voice, “What am I going to do?” I felt so sad for her. She has such a strong need for activity other than what I am providing. It is so difficult to accomplish. I have mentioned to virtually everybody who asks about her that she is socially isolated. Several people have indicated a desire to help and would enjoy getting together. Only three people have actually responded. Two of them got together with Kate and me for lunch with no follow up. The third got together with the two of us twice. I believe she is likely to follow up again, but she is a school teacher and has obligations during the school year. I really do understand. All of us seem to be so busy that we can’t work in many extras like visiting someone who may be in need.

Last night on the way back from dinner, she looked at the clock in the car to see that it was only 6:00 p.m. Then she said, “What am I going to do?” She went on to say she can’t just work puzzles all the time which is what she is doing. This is so painful to me as I am working so hard to keep her active, but my efforts are never enough.

Last week I also mentioned Kate’s isolation to our associate pastor for congregational care. I asked her about others in the congregation who might want to establish a connection. I also left a phone message for Don Crawford whose wife has AD. I saw him at church on Sunday, and he asked me to call back. I would love for Kate and his wife, Cynthia, to get together. I am going to be hopeful.

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Acid Reflux?

I don’t know how I could have failed to say something about what may be a recurrence of acid reflux. This is an old problem for which we found a resolution two or three years ago. Since that time she has taken a prescription for Prilosec that had solved the problem. About six months ago, she experienced a couple of instances of the problem. I thought the problem had gone away on its own. Kate said she was eating more slowly which she believed helped to prevent a recurrence

I can’t recall exactly when, but she started using extra paper napkins at restaurants. This typically occurs before she has even eaten anything. As I reflect, it is something that occurs at various time during the day. She goes through lots of toilet paper which I now believe may be associated with this problem. Let me describe the problem as well as I can

Unlike her previous experience with acid reflux, what she is experiencing now does not involve exactly the same symptoms. When she has had the more serious experiences, she has to stop eating. She usually lowers her head slightly and appears to be trying to calm herself. With the current problem, she can continue to eat. As I have already mentioned, she will be having the experience before food arrives at our table

To me it appears that she is simply spitting up saliva. I do not see any visible signs that she is experiencing acid creeping up her esophagus. It is more like the normal salivation collects in her mouth, and she spits it out. I think one reason I haven’t mentioned it before was that it never seemed like something serious. In the past month or so, the problem has become more serious and seems to bother her. In fact, last night she had some difficulty getting to sleep because of it. I suspect it was more than an hour before she got to sleep after going to bed. She got up at one point. I heard her burping in the bathroom next to our bedroom. That led me to give her some Gaviscon. Before she was taking Prilosec, I gave her Gaviscon when she had a problem. It always seemed to work. I have tried it several times recently without the same success. I am not certain that it helps at all. I do know that she finally settled down and slept well during the night

About three weeks ago, I sent a message online to Dr. Reasoner, Kate’s doctor. She suggested that we try several things. She said we could take a second Prilosec in the evening. She also said if that didn’t work, we could try her taking an antihistamine. Finally, we recommended staying away from acidic foods and beverages. I tried doubling Prilosec and could not tell any difference at all. I dropped that. I then tried adding a Claritin with her morning medications. I have not been able to detect a change though I plan to continue to give it a fair chance of success. My reason is that I think her symptoms seem more like a post-nasal drip which sounds like an allergic reaction
One other symptom has made me think of the situation as more serious than I originally did. Within the past 4-6 weeks, I have noticed that she sometimes starts burping when she takes her pills. That made me think there might actually be a gastro-intestinal source of the problem. On the whole, however, I find it very confusing. What I know is that it has become a chronic condition that annoys her. It also concerns me that it might possibly be a symptom of something more serious. Unfortunately, Kate is unable to provide any kind of description. I am hoping that we might have a conversation with her doctor. I think her next appointment is in January or February

Kate does drink a lot of tea and Dr. Pepper. That would be the next step to try. That will be a hard one as these are long-standing habits.

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Boredom but Reluctance to do Some Things

Yesterday a representative of the Chautauqua Foundation, visited us in our home. We had recently made a financial contribution to the Foundation. He was calling on several families in the Carolinas who has made gifts for the renovation of the amphitheater. I had mentioned his coming to Kate several times, once a couple of weeks ago when he first contacted me by email and again the day of his visit. She told me I should meet with him by myself. I told her that he was coming to thank us and that it would be nice for her to be included in the visit. She reluctantly agreed. This is a good illustration of her not wanting to engage in a type of social interaction from which she could and does benefit.

When he arrived, she was quite cordial and engaged in conversation. There were times that I held back saying something because she wanted to talk. The important point is that she was enjoying herself. She got to talk about Chautauqua with someone who represents that institution. This was right up her alley. If I hadn’t pushed her into being a part of the visit, she would have missed a rewarding experience. Of course, I am sure that today she does not remember anything about it. From my standpoint I just like to see her days filled with as many moments of pleasure as possible. Sometimes I give in to her wishes. I just did that about an hour ago.

She had been resting since we returned from Panera earlier this morning. She told me she wanted to go outside. I told her that was fine. She asked if she could have a Dr. Pepper. I told her that she could do and have whatever she wanted. Then I told her I was thinking of our doing something different this afternoon. I told her we would go to lunch and then I thought we would go to the zoo to see the major updates that had made. She just shook her head “no.” I encouraged her and said that I would really like to go and would like her to go with me. She shook her head again. She seemed sufficiently resistant that I said, “That’s all right. I won’t make you go.” I gave her a hug, and she went outside where she has been for just over an hour.

For quite a long time I have tried to keep her involved in social activity. The one that works best is eating out. In that case, she is attracted by the need to eat. A different kind of example involves my volunteering to the Visitation Committee at church. I did this about two years ago. It turns out, however, that she doesn’t care for this particular social activity. Now I am going by myself
I have also explored the possibility of our volunteering to do something involving Children’s Hospital. I was thinking that she enjoys children so much that visiting with the children might be something she would accept. I have taken any action beyond initial exploration. I have been afraid that she would not want to carry through and that would be a problem for the hospital and the children. They need someone they can count on.

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More Childlike Behavior

Kate was working on her iPad while Forest Gump was playing on TV. I thought she might get interested, but once again I was wrong. She is simply losing interest in watching things on TV. At 9:00, she said, “That’s it.” She put her iPad down on the bed, but she didn’t take any steps to get ready for bed. After a few minutes, I asked her if she was ready for bed or if she wanted to keep watching the movie. At first, she didn’t answer. Then she asked, “What do you want me to do?” I told her it was 9:00, and that it was about time to prepare for bed. She got up and went to her room. I went into the family room to listen to music before retiring for the evening. About 10 minutes later, I got up to see if she had gone to bed. She was coming into the family room. She was wearing a night gown and carrying a robe. She motioned me to come to her. She held out the robe without saying anything to me. I asked if she wanted me to help her put on her robe. She nodded. I held the robe so that she could put one arm after the other into the sleeves and pulled it up around her. Then I said, “I am glad that I can help you.” She gave me a hug. I told her I loved her. Then I told her I was going to listen to my music a little longer. She then went to bed. This is just one other occasion when she is childlike. I mean by that that she seems to completely look to me for help or guidance as to what she should do without asserting her independence. As always, this is bitter sweet. I know this is moving us another step closer to the future, but she is so sweet when she does things like this.

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From Asheville

Shortly after my previous post, Kate came into the kitchen dressed in the same clothes she had worn yesterday and slept in last night. I told her that I planned for us to go to Panera at 9:00 to get her a muffin and from there to Asheville. She went to the back of the house. I thought she had gone to get ready. About 8:40, I went back to check on her and found her in the bed in our bedroom working on her iPad. I reminded her we were leaving. She got up. I had already gotten some slacks out for her to wear. I gave her a couple of options on a top. Then we went to Panera. She seemed in a good humor though she didn’t talk very much. We spoke very little in the car on the way here. We went to lunch at The Blackbird, and we both had good meals. She seemed to perk up.

We had not been able to get into a room before lunch. It wasn’t too long after lunch that one was available. She is happy and resting in the bed right now as I work on my iPad. I am looking forward to a good dinner tonight and a good performance of A Chorus Line.

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Good Day with Friends

This morning we went to Nashville to have lunch with our friends, Angie and Tom Robinson. It was a good day. Kate handled herself quite well. There were a few things that she said that were not true (e.g., she said that we had eaten a Japanese meal that Jan Greeley had fixed.). I had an email from Tom when we returned home that said they thought she had not changed a bit since the last time we were together. Once again this is an illustration of how important long-term memory and strong social skills can be to superficial social interactions. We came home a little earlier than we usually do because I felt she was getting tired and a little withdrawn.

This morning before leaving I mentioned something about our not having found the two missing remote controls. She said, “Let’s not worry about it.” I told her I loved her. Then I said, “You know, you are handling your Alzheimer’s well.” She agreed. Then I said, “Let me ask you a question. Do you ever associate your misplacing things like the remote controls with Alzheimer’s ?” She said, “No.” I then said, “That’ one of the things that goes along with Alzheimer’s. You put things down in one place but don’t remember where you put them. I hope that should make you feel better about it. You really can’t help it.” This is the first time I have ever pointed out an aspect of her behavior that is connected to Alzheimer’s. I feel sure that she won’t remember our conversation, but it confirmed what I had suspected for some time. She doesn’t associate many of the things she does with her diagnosis. I don’t plan to make a point of it every time he does something like this.

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Time with Friends

In June while we were in Lubbock, I received an email from Cindi Renner, someone we know from church. She is about out daughter’s age. I think that she became acquainted with Kate when Kate was the church librarian. Kate knew lots of church members and their children because the library did so much with children. Cindi said that she had learned about Kate’s Alzheimer’s and that she had recently lost her mother to the disease. She wondered if she might be a friend to Kate. I wrote back quickly saying that she and I would like that. About 10 days ago following our trip to Chautauqua, Cindi had contacted me about getting together. We set that up for this past Friday.

I knew that Kate would not remember Cindi; so I didn’t tell her that we were going to meet her at Panera. I thought it would be better if we just bumped into Cindi while we were there. I arranged for us to arrive before Cindi. Instead of one of our regular locations I picked out a booth for 4 so that Cindi could join us when she arrived. Before then Kate moved to another chair where we often sit. Cindi saw me first and came over to say hello. The two of us then went over to Kate. I said, “Kate, you remember Cindi Renner.” She picked that up beautifully as perfectly as if she really did remember. I asked Kate to come back to the table where I was seated. She did so without thinking anything of it.

The visit with Cindi was everything and more than I could have expected. Cindi is a warm, friendly person. Kate took to her immediately. We sat there for over an hour and had a beautiful conversation. When Cindi left, Kate told me how much she liked her and, of course, asked me her name again and how we know her.

That afternoon I sent Cindi an email telling her how much Kate had enjoyed being with her and that we looked forward to seeing her again. We received a beautiful handwritten note from her yesterday telling us she had enjoyed it and expressed interest in seeing Kate again.

This experience underscores what I have already believed. Social contact is a real tonic for her and for me as well.

Last night we went to dinner with Mark and Katherine Harrington. We have had lunch with them on several occasions. Kate likes them and also their children who are now grown and living out of state. Mark and Katherine picked us up, and we drove across town to an Italian restaurant they like. It was another good evening.

These experiences remind me that it is time for us to get together with Angela and Marvin Gray sometime soon. I also plan to call Phil Grimball to see if we couldn’t get together with him and Jean Roberts for lunch or dinner sometime. His wife died 2 years ago after almost 20 years with AD. He has offered to help me if I need anything.

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Lost is Found

This morning I decided to look for Kate’s pill box. I looked in all the bathrooms. Then I looked in our bathroom once again. I opened the cabinet on her side and slowly looked at one shelf after another. Then I saw it. It was on the second shelf from the top. It wasn’t easy to see because it was turned with the top facing toward the back of the cabinet. In addition, there were other items hiding most of the bottom of the pill box.

Why it was there I’ll never know. I am sure Kate would have no idea that she had put it there or why. To me it is clear that she was disturbed by something and did several things last night to hide things and close doors.

I am thinking more about not leaving her alone. I may have to figure what is the easiest transition to make. Certainly I can have Libby come at some other time. I am arranged a meeting with Cindi Renner tomorrow morning at Panera. She might be someone who could help as well.

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An Unusual Day

Several things to report this evening. First, is we had two problems getting ready to go out. One occurred at lunch. The other this afternoon for dinner. This was a day when I had a luncheon board meeting at the foundation and an executive committee meeting for the music club this evening at 6:30. Here’s what happened.

I was scheduled to be at the board meeting at 11:30 or shortly thereafter. I went to the Y early (left at 5:50 a.m.) so that I could get back home before Kate was up. This would also allow me time to make sure she was ready for lunch 10:15. That would enable me to leave around 11:15. Shortly before 10:00, I went outside to tell her it was time to get ready for lunch. I also offered her the opportunity for me to bring home a sandwich if she would like to stay outside a little longer. She didn’t like that and said she would come in. She delayed 15 minutes. I went back out and told her we needed to get ready. She was on the verge of a panic attack. She came in, but she wasn’t ready until 10:55. By that time, she would not have had time to eat at Panera; so I went to get her a sandwich.

When I got back I showed her the bag that held the sandwich and put it on the island. When I got home after my meeting, I didn’t see any sign that she had eaten the sandwich. I looked in the trash to see if the bag was there. No sign anywhere. She couldn’t remember that I had left a sandwich but said she must have eaten it if I couldn’t find any sign of it.

Since she hadn’t been away from the house, I asked if she would like to go to Panera. She did. When I went to the car, I noticed the Panera bag on a shelf in the garage. She had never unwrapped the sandwich. She had eaten half of the cookie. I took the sandwich with us to Panera where she ate half of it.

We came home, and she rested a little and worked on her iPad. A few minutes before 5:00, I went into the bedroom and told her it was time to leave for dinner. I went back to check on her. She had undressed and was getting ready to take a shower. I told her we didn’t have time for that because I had to get to my meeting. She took another 15 minutes to get ready, but she had a panic attack. She was breathing heavily. We went to eat. She didn’t completely calm down until the meal was almost finished.

When I got home from my meeting, I found that the door to our bedroom was closed (something that rarely happens). I knocked and then went in. The room was darkened, but it was still light outside. I could see that she was not in the room. I went over to turn on the lamp. It didn’t turn on. I found that she had unplugged the surge protector in which the lamp was plugged.

I went to the bathroom door that was also closed. I knocked and opened the door. She was not in the bathroom. Then I went to her room where I found her under the covers as though she were there for the night.

I came back to our bedroom. I looked for the TV remote and couldn’t find it. Then I went to her room knowing that it is usually there when it is not in our bedroom. I looked all around her room without success. Not only that, the remote for the TV in her room was not there either. I have looked all around the house without success. I can’t find either remote.

I went back to our bathroom to see if Kate had taken her medicine for the night. I didn’t find her pill box. I started looking for it. I haven’t been able to find it anywhere. This is not the first time she has misplaced the pill box. A few months ago, it was missing. I have not found it yet. I’m going to let her medicine pass for this evening. Tomorrow morning I can’t do the same. It has her Venlafaxine. If she doesn’t take that she has a reaction. She can go 24-36 hours without it. After that she has a problem. Fortunately, I have the supply of medicine; so I will be able to see that she doesn’t miss it. I am just curious to see if we find it somewhere. It is amazing how things can get “completely” lost so easily. I can’t help wondering what was going on in her brain that motivated her to put it somewhere else. This is not the first time she has put things in an unusual spot, but it is a striking example of the behavior that is occurring that was not commonplace before.