At 7:25 this morning, I was taking my morning walk inside the house while listening to All the Light We Cannot See when I heard Kate call my name. When I reached her, I found that she was having a different kind of confusing experience than she had yesterday. It was, however, like several other experiences she has had in the past. She said, “What should I be doing?” Her past experiences were somewhat different in that she has had a sense that she was supposed to be someplace or had specific obligation she had to meet. This time she didn’t mention anything that would suggest that. It was more like waking up and simply not knowing what she should do.
I explained that it was still early, and she had no obligations until lunch. I told her she could go back to sleep if she wanted to. She looked relieved and indicated she would like that. I also mentioned that sometimes she liked to go to the bathroom, but she wasn’t interested. She repeated her question several times, and I gave her the same answer. Then I asked if she would like me to sit with her while she rested. She did, and that is where I am right now.
There was one way in which today’s confusion was similar to that of yesterday. Both days she was bothered more than most days when she is confused, but she was not as disturbed as she can be when she is having an anxiety or panic attack. I am glad neither experience was as severe as it can be; however, it does bother me when she seems at all disturbed. So far, I have been able to comfort her by what I say and the way I say it. Of course, just being present for her seems to make a difference as well. At least for the time being, I am optimistic that I will be able to put her at ease. I hope I don’t have to eat those words sometime in the future.
