When we returned home from dinner last night, Kate walked into the family room and turned back to me with a look that I interpreted (correctly, as it turns out) to mean “What do I do now?” Or “What now?” I told her it was time for us to relax and wind down for the day. I added that I would turn on the news, and she could work on her iPad. She went to the back of the house while I took care of a few things in the kitchen. In a minute, she appeared in the kitchen. She still had her coat on. Her hands were in her coat pockets as if she were ready to go out. She didn’t say a word. She just looked at me. I gave her a moment to say something. When she didn’t speak, I told her again that I would watch the news while she worked on her iPad. She turned around and went to our bedroom. I followed her a few minutes later. She was seated in her chair with her iPad as I had suggested. She just forgot the first time I told her. This is becoming so commonplace that it is surprising that she remembered the second time. This often leads to problems coordinating almost everything we do.
Simultaneously, however, she is looking to me for guidance as to what she should do. This growing dependency is evident in her looking to me to tell her what to do when we got home. She wants to do the “right” thing. She just can’t remember what the right thing is or what I have just told her to do. This compliant behavior is easier to deal with than obstinance, but it leads to a sadder feeling on my part. To me this is the most challenging part of being her caregiver. It really bothers me to see her becoming so dependent.
