Happy Moments with Family

In some ways, being Kate’s caregiver is like being a parent. That’s the case when we are around other people. She is often cheerful, and her paid caregivers and I get to see that every day. I want other people to see that as well.

That is especially true for our children. Both of them live out of state and visit us three or four times a year. I send them videos regularly. That gives them a pretty good idea of what I call “Happy Moments”, but they don’t always see the best of her when they are here.

Our son and his wife were with us for four days this week, and Kate rose to the occasion. Each day, she was at her best, smiling and talking. She made all of us smile, and she closed their visit with a surprise Wednesday morning just before they left.

Please permit me to digress a moment. People often ask me if Kate recognizes the children when they visit. I tell them it’s difficult to be sure. She is comfortable with them, but I haven’t seen many clear signs that make me sure that she remembers their names or that they are her children. I may think differently in the future. That’s because of a Happy Moment that occurred as they were about to leave.

It was shortly after 8:00am when our son, his wife, and I went into the bedroom to see if she might be awake. She usually sleeps later than that and even when she is awake, she doesn’t often begin the day with a smile. Thus, I was doubtful that she would give us any response. I was wrong.

Our son leaned down with his face close to hers and began talking to her. She immediately responded with her beautiful smile that continued as he spoke. She was still smiling as we left the room. It was a touching moment.

I know I can’t be sure that she knew she was smiling at her son, but it looked like that to me. That’s what I believe, and I know it was a “Happy Moment” for our son, his wife, and me.

My Best Source of Stress Relief

Because there are greater demands placed on me during this late stage of Kate’s Alzheimer’s, I experience more stress now than at earlier stages. The good news is that Kate is my greatest source of stress relief. I cannot say enough good things about her.

She is happy. That isn’t obvious every moment of the day, but she displays her happiness numerous times daily with her smile. She often smiles in her sleep. Sometimes she talks when she is apparently dreaming. These conversations (at least her part) are usually cheerful, and she sometimes laughs during them.

Our conversations are most important to me. They occur mostly in the evening after the caregiver leaves, but we also have them at other times of the day. These two occurred after I returned home from lunch on Saturday afternoon.

Our Anniversary Celebration

To celebrate our anniversary last night, I arranged for a wheelchair-accessible van and took Kate out to dinner at a restaurant where we had shared many special moments since the early seventies.

Alzheimer’s makes it impossible to predict how she will respond in situations like that, but she rose to the occasion. Her best times are in the late afternoon, and she was smiling before we left. She was cheerful throughout the dinner and after returning home.

Her most difficult times are in the morning, but lately she has been waking up with a big smile. That happened this morning. It looks like another nice day for us. I wish the same for you.  

Our 62nd Anniversary

Happy Anniversary to my wife, Kate. After all of these years, I can’t imagine finding a better match. Our marriage has been the adventure of a lifetime. It really began shortly after our first date on December 19, 1961, when I was in need of money and took a job as an ambulance driver at a funeral home.

Our whole courtship centered around my responsibilities at the funeral home. I worked four nights a week, which handicapped my time for dating. On slow nights, I invited her to the funeral home where we spent the evening in one of the unoccupied viewing rooms.

Periodically, I had to go out of town to pick up a body. She would go with me, and I was on the company expense account. We always found a good steakhouse before picking up the body and driving back home.

At the time, neither of us thought much about this. We were in love, and that was all that mattered. Of course, the most challenging adventure of all has been “Living with Alzheimer’s”. Thankfully, we have lived joyfully despite those challenges. Our love for each other has been a powerful source of strength for both of us, and I am optimistic that our love will sustain us for the remainder of our journey together.