It was sometime after Kate’s diagnosis that I learned what it meant to “lose one’s filter.” My own interpretation would be that people, especially those with dementia, fail to consider their audience when expressing themselves and can easily say things that might not otherwise say. I can’t say that this has been a special problem for Kate, but she is definitely more likely to express her honest thoughts now than before Alzheimer’s.
During Kevin’s visit, I have seen new evidence of not filtering what she says. Up until now, it has only been with me that she has expressed her memory problems. Yesterday she did the same in his presence. Twice she asked my name. She also asked, “Where are we?” In the afternoon, we attended a stage production of West Side Story. Before the show, she asked me someone’s name. She immediately forgot it and then asked again. This is the kind of thing about which she once would have been careful not to do in front of someone else.
During the morning, there were other signs of her Alzheimer’s. I had asked Kevin to lock his bathroom door because Kate often uses that one rather than our own. I made sure that he had clean towels and that the bathroom was in order. I had everything ready for Kate to shower in our bathroom. Kevin had breakfast and went back to take a shower. He came back to the kitchen in a few minutes and said that Kate was showering in his bathroom. We waited for her to finish. Then I went to check on the bathroom. I found that she had used both his bath and hand towels plus at least two other towels she had thrown on the floor. I was surprised because she was up so early and that she had had to enter the bathroom from Kevin’s bedroom because he had locked the bathroom door as I had suggested.
At church they served communion by intinction. For those who may be from another tradition, members of the congregation form a line and go to one of several stations where one person holds the bread and another a cup of the wine. I knew Kate would not remember what she should do and asked her to watch me. It was a little too much for her to absorb. I had to coach her quietly, and it worked out fine. It just took us longer than everyone else. I am sure the people behind us wondered about her. I am also sure that some of those are aware of her Alzheimer’s and recognized the problem. That was one of the few times she has done something in public that might cause people to suspect. That is remarkable given how long it has been since her diagnosis. She continues to get along well in public situations. That is a major factor in our ability to continue so much social activity, another thing for which I am grateful.
