I have often said that caregivers for people with dementia spend much of their time either trying to prevent problems or solve them. Like most caregivers, I like to think that I do a respectable job; however, I must admit that I often fail. I think I do so because my solutions always arise from my brain and not Kate’s. Let me illustrate what I mean with something that happened tonight.
I’ve commented before that over the past few weeks, Kate has gone to her room to get a night gown and come back wearing a robe and no gown. At first, I didn’t say anything. Later I asked if she would like a gown. On occasion she has hesitated, but almost always she says yes. Then I ask if she would like me to get one for her. Most of the times she says yes. It seemed clear to me that she really wants a gown.
I’ve been trying to figure out why she so frequently gets a robe instead of a gown. I’ve asked her, but she hasn’t been able to explain it. As I went through different possibilities, the first thing I thought was that it was difficult to pick out a gown because she has a number of each. They also get mixed up in her closet. This morning I decided to rearrange her robes and gowns. I grouped them so that she would see the gowns grouped together before she got to the robes which I put behind them.
Shortly after we returned from Flat Rock tonight, she came into our bedroom wearing a robe. I could see that she didn’t have on a gown and asked if she wanted one. She did. I asked if she wanted me to get one. Again, she did.
Now I’ve decided that the problem is that there are so many clothes hanging in her closet that it is simply too confusing for her. I say that because there have been occasions when she has asked me to get either a top or pants for her after she had looked and not found anything. Of course, all the literature on dementia points out the difficulty people with dementia have when presented with many different options. I need to get rid of some of the clothes she will no longer wear and reduce the number of options in main closet. It can be challenging when the person you want to help is unable to explain what she needs. And it’s impossible to be accurate when you can’t figure out what’s going on in her brain. I can’t imagine what she must be feeling when things like this happen.
