Kate’s asking what to do or when to do is not a new thing, but it almost always catches me by surprise. In this respect, I am almost like someone who is unfamiliar with her habits. This afternoon before I left her with Mary, the sitter, she presented me with one of those times. As usual, I had not mentioned that the sitter would be coming and I would be going to the Y. I’m not quite sure why I don’t. It may involve several factors. One is that I know she won’t remember even if I tell her. Another is a slight fear that she might not react in the positive way she has done thus far. The latter is not a serious concern since she has reacted so well on every previous occurrence. Maybe I will get over this soon.
When Mary arrived, Kate was in our bedroom working on her iPad. Mary went back to say hello and to let her know that she was here. Then she came back into the family room and took a seat. I went back to say goodbye to Kate. When I approached her, she motioned me to come over to her. When I did, she started to whisper something. I thought she might be about to ask her name. She surprised me when she asked what I wanted her to do. I told her she could continue working on her iPad or she could work outside or they could go to Panera. She acted surprised that she was free to do these things. I have had this impression a few times before. It is as if having a sitter restricts what she can do. I have tried to be very clear that I want her to do the things she wants to do while I am gone. The thought also strikes me that it may not be the sitter that is the cause of this sense of a restriction on her activities. I have mentioned that when we return from home during the day, whether it is from Panera in the morning or from lunch in the afternoon, she frequently asks if she can work outside, where she can work outside (the front, the back, or all around), and if she can use her clippers. I have never restricted her with respect to any of these things, but she always reacts with surprise when I say “yes” to each of her questions. Thus, it may be that she still sees me as setting boundaries for her even when the sitter is here. While I hate for her to feel that I control her in this way, I must admit that also makes compliance work well, something that is increasingly evident when I do want or need her to do something like coming inside to get ready, to wear clothes that are most appropriate for the occasion, etc.
