As I have so often mentioned, one of my biggest challenges has involved Kate’s clothes. Recently, she has been more willing to accept my help in selecting clothes as well as my asking her to change when I think what she has selected/put on is not appropriate for the occasion. I have two examples from this morning. She met me in the family room dressed in a shirt that she wears to work in the yard and a nice pair of slacks. I suggested that the slacks were too nice for the yard. She went back to change. I went with her and found an appropriate pair for the yard. I told her I was ready to take her to Lowe’s anytime she wanted. We came back from Lowe’s about 10:30 and decided to take an early lunch. She was dressed in her yard clothes. (I thought she was not even well-dressed for Lowe’s, but I let this go.) She came in and took a shower, then changed clothes. When she was ready to go, she was wearing an old matching sweatshirt and pants. Obviously not summer attire (the high today is supposed to reach 97). They didn’t look much better than what she had on previously. I reminded her that we were going to lunch. I would have been surprised if she had remembered. I told her we should look for something else to wear. I went to our bathroom where she had hung a top before we went to Texas. Then I found the pair of slacks I had asked her not to wear in the yard. I gave them to her. She said, “This is what you want me to wear?” I said yes. She said, “Gotcha.” This is a real achievement. She offered no complaints or resisted in any way. This is progress for me, but I know this is a step back for her. I wish it could be otherwise.
Back from Lubbock
We had a smooth trip back home on Wednesday. The only problem we encountered was that Kate left her iPad in the rental car. Unfortunately, we didn’t discover that she didn’t have it until we were already through security and settled in for lunch before our flight. I had what you might call a “false memory” experience. I was sure that I had seen her with it in her hand while we were in the security line. Had I thought about its being left in the car, I would have been less concerned because I would have thought the possibility of getting it back were greater than in the airport. As it turned out, I contacted the TSA at the security check point. They had not seen it. I also spoke with the airport lost and found office. They did not have it either. We got home assuming that we might not get it back. Yesterday morning I got a call from Avis informing me that they had found it. They sent it yesterday for delivery today.
This was a reminder of how important the iPad is to Kate. I was glad that I had mine along. She used it on the trip and continues to use it at home until hers arrives today.
Today is my birthday. Of course, Kate will not be able to remember. I did write it on our daily memo pad that I keep on the island in the kitchen. Every morning I write down all of our obligations including things that I am doing. For example, I write down the time I am going for my walk as well as my time to return, Today is a free day. We don’t have anything on our agenda. I just wrote down. “Richard’s Birthday.” It doesn’t bother me that she doesn’t remember except for its indicating something about the state of her mind. That does sadden me. It is not just that she doesn’t remember. It is when she doesn’t seem to care that is more troublesome for me.
Going Home
This is a travel day for us. We have had a good time in Lubbock with our son and his family. Though Kate has shown some confusion, she has enjoyed herself. That is what I was hoping for.
This morning after she got up she asked me if it would be all right for her to take a shower in our bathroom. I told her I thought she should just take a shower right here. The she said, “Are they still here?” I said, “We are in Lubbock. We are staying in the Residence Inn, and we are flying back to Knoxville today. She said, “Oh.”
A few minutes later, she asked about her clothes. I gave her a pair of slacks that I had put out last night. Then I opened a drawer and pulled out a top for her to wear. She said, “No wonder I couldn’t find anything. You were hiding it from me.” This was said in a neutral tone. She didn’t appear to be seriously complaining.
She saw me packing her suitcase but didn’t say anything. It was as though this is a normal routine for us. As I indicated in an earlier post when we left Knoxville, this will make things easier for me, but it is sad to see that she is relinquishing things like this. It is a sign of her decline.
More Evidence of Confusion
We are in our hotel room where I have been checking email, Facebook, and looking at the Alzheimer’s caregivers forum. Kate rested about 30-40 minutes. A few minutes ago she picked up her iPad. She is working on it while still in bed. She said, “I’m glad to rediscover this room.” I said, “You are?” She smiled and said, “With your help.” I didn’t pursue this. She is happy. I didn’t want to confront her with the knowledge that she was imagining she was at home. This is just one more sign of her confusion which is intensifying.
My Bad (again)
About 15 minutes before we were to leave for Kate’s PEO meeting, I went back to her office/dressing room. I found that she had already dressed and was wearing a top that I didn’t think was suitable for her meeting. I told her I had several others she might choose from that would be better. I brought them to her, and she picked one out. I left her to change tops while I put the other two back in my closet. A few minutes later Kate came out with a totally different top that I thought was not as suitable as the one she had previously picked out. I said, “You didn’t wear the top you picked out.” She was horribly frustrated and asked, “Where is it?” She became emotional and started crying. I went to her room and picked up the top she had originally chosen and brought it to her. She continued to be upset as we drove away. I decided that I should put on some relaxing music to calm her as we drove. When I turned on the audio system, it was set on high volume and I was unable to turn it down quickly enough. She is very sensitive about sudden noises, especially loud one. I apologized. She said, “You always do that.” So this was a case of my adding insult to injury. I didn’t handle this well though my intentions were good.
An Early Start
As far back as I can remember, I have been a morning person. For quite a number of years that has meant getting up at 5:00 on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays when I go t the Y. Over the past year or so it has meant occasionally waking up as early as 3:00 or 4:00 and not being able to get back to sleep. Over the past few days I have been sleeping until 6:00 or 6:30. This morning I wanted to sleep until that same time, but I was awake about 4:15 and couldn’t sleep. I believe this sleep problem is associated with Kate. Her behavior over the past few days has been troubling. When I woke up this morning, all sorts of things were running through my mind. Even something that seems far removed from Kate like getting my driver’s license renewed occupied my mind. My current license expires on my birthday, June 17. I could have renewed it before now, but I haven’t gotten around to it. Things like this that are not urgent get put on the back burner as I focus on care for Kate. This morning I was concerned about leaving her by herself while I go to the renewal office. That is actually a silly thing to worry about. I go to a variety of meetings, and just yesterday, I attended two funerals. I am, however, getting more concerned about leaving her alone. Given the shortness of her memory, I worry that she will forget where I am and be worried about me or need something from me
Yesterday Kate was extremely tired. She was so sleepy at the Shepherd’s Center that she wanted to leave after our first class. She was in bed resting most of the day except for the time we went to lunch. She finally got up just before I returned home from the second funeral at 6:30. She normally gets a good bit of rest, but this time she seemed especially tired. I can’t help but wonder if the trip to Asheville wore her out. That makes me concerned about our upcoming trip to Texas a week from tomorrow.
Back Home
We got back in town and went directly to our favorite Mexican restaurant, Chalupas. It was quite a contrast to the meals we have eaten the past few days in Asheville, but it was just what we needed. I know I picked up a couple of pounds while we were away. I need to take some of them off
I brought our suitcases inside. I put mine in our bedroom and Kate’s in her office. I opened hers and took out a few things – her shoes and put them in her closet. I also took a pair of slacks and a couple of tops and put them in my closet so that I would know where they are. I’d like to take them to Texas with us.
In less 30 minutes, I noticed that Kate had moved her suitcase into the family room. Typically she puts it in the kitchen or laundry room when she has unpacked her things. I didn’t think much of it but picked up the suitcase to take it back to our storage room. When I lifted it, I couldn’t help noticing that it was heavier than I thought it should be. I opened it up to find that she hadn’t unpacked anything. She had simply moved the suitcase from the bedroom into the living room. This led me to take the suitcase back to her office where I unpacked everything and hung up her clothes. Then I took the suitcase to storage. She hasn’t said anything. Nor have I. I am sure that she wouldn’t remember anything about it, and it serves no purpose to inquire.
She continues to exhibit other misunderstandings or to have imagined things that didn’t happen. At dinner this evening, she commented on how spicy our dish was. I mentioned that to the server when he asked how we liked our food. Kate told him it was her own fault, that she had asked for it that way. Some time after he had gone, she told me she asked for it to be spicy, that he had not even asked. She just volunteered. Actually, she didn’t say word. I did all the ordering, and spiciness never came up.
On the way home, Kate said it was early. That led me to say we might take a look at what is on TV tonight. Then she said, “I think I will work on my new computer.” I said, “That would be nice.” For weeks now she has periodically mentioned something about a new computer. Each time I have told her she doesn’t have a new one but the same one she has had. This time I just accepted what she said.
Then when we got home, she said, “I think I will stay outside for a little while. I’ll change shoes though. I wouldn’t want to get these messed up.” It has been about 40 minutes, and she is still outside. I think she is still wearing the same shoes. I know she hasn’t been inside, but she might have changed to some yard shoes she keeps in the garage.
Observations on Our Trip So Far
We got back from lunch about 30 minutes ago. We were the first people to arrive, and they were not quite ready for us; so we walked around for a 10-15 minutes and then went back. I mention this because Kate is not big on walking. I would not even have suggested it if the rain had not stopped. The humidity was high however, and that bothered Kate.
The menu was only a brunch menu which for me was good. I had Eggs Benedict. Kate is getting more particular about what she eats. I think that is because she has forgotten many of the menu items and ingredients that she used to know and like. We went with the safest thing on the menu for her: shrimp and grits. She had had that last night, but it was very different. I thought it was good. She was not taken with it.
After lunch, we walked up to a square near the hotel where there were lots of kiosks with a variety of art. Some were not open because of the rain. We just did a quick walk through because Kate was getting quite hot. We headed back to the hotel, and she continued to get hotter. She was not enjoying herself.
Before we got back, she asked for a bathroom. We were not too far from a hotel where I took her. She didn’t say, but I was concerned that she might have been experiencing diarrhea. I try to prevent that by giving her 1 tablet of an anti-diarrheal with the nightly medicine. It is hard for me to determine what is just the right amount because it is hard for her to express herself about such things. Diarrhea is a side effect of one of her medications, Aricept.
We have enjoyed our meals as well as the silly comedy show “The Complete History of Asheville for Morons.” I would not recommend it to anyone, but Kate liked it. That is the most important thing.
The pacing of our trip has worked out well. We have had plenty of time for Kate to rest when she has needed to. She has definitely taken advantage of that. I don’t plan to book any other performances unless it is for Tuesday, the day we leave.
Off to Asheville
Yesterday, when I returned from my morning walk at 7:45, Kate was about to go outside. It was obvious that she had forgotten about our leaving for Asheville. I told her that we were going to leave at 9:45. She gave me a dirty look but didn’t go outside. She went back to her room to get ready.
At 9:00, she came out and told me she was ready. That was earlier than I had expected and meant that I had to rush to finish up a few things myself. When I packed my things, I also put in some tops and one pair of slacks in my suitcase. As I was gathering things together, she walked into the kitchen with a pair of underwear in her hands. She showed me and told me she had her black underwear.
I went back to her room to get her suitcase. When I picked it up, I noticed that it was very light. I opened it up and found that it was completely empty. All she had was what she was wearing except the black underwear in her hands. She hadn’t packed anything. I quickly gathered up several pair of slacks and tops as well as 3 pair of shoes and 2 sweaters. She came back to the room and asked what I was doing. I told her I had noticed that she hadn’t packed her suitcase and had packed it for her. She said, “Thank you.” She did it very naturally and was genuinely happy that I had done this for her. When we got in the car, I also discovered she had a pair of white underwear in a magazine along with her iPad.
Before leaving for Asheville, we stopped by Panera to get Kate a muffin. Thirty minutes after leaving Panera, we discovered that she had left her iPad there. I called but they didn’t find it. This is the third iPad lost in less than 12 months.
Last night I noticed that she was wearing a robe and an identical robe was on the bed. I said, “It looks like you have two robes.” She said it was a mistake. She meant to bring one gown and one robe but they were packaged like that. She said that was all right. This shows continued confusion. She hadn’t brought any robes. Both robes were in our closet here at the hotel, and she simply got two robes out of the closet.
This morning as I was finishing up in the bathroom, she pushed the door open. She looked quite groggy and didn’t say anything. I asked if she would like to use the bathroom. She said, “I want to take a shower in that shower.” I didn’t understand her, and she repeated it. I understood the second time. The way she said it was very much the way a young child would have said it. I told her I would finish shaving and then turn on the shower for her.
We just finished breakfast. She hasn’t said anything except in response to my questions. The answers have been minimal. She is not typically alert first thing in the morning; so I am not about to draw conclusions. For instance, I am not ready to say that she is disoriented being in a new place although it is a place we have stayed 5-6 times before. I do realize though that she probably does not remember much from those visits.
Kate put the iPad down and looked sleepy. I asked if she would like to go back to the room. She did, and here we are. We have been back in the room for almost an hour. She immediately got into bed. For much of the past hour she has been sleeping soundly as she is at the moment. I will need to wake her up in 15-20 minutes in order for us to get to lunch on time. We have reservations for 11:00. It is now 10:15.
Coordination Problems
I have often mentioned some of the coordination problems that arise because Kate doesn’t remember what I have said. Right now we are experiencing one of those occasions. At 6:05, I went outside to tell her the time and that we should be getting ready for dinner, something we typically do between 5:45 and 6:30. She reacted negatively and said she wanted to plant a few other plants we had bought at Lowe’s yesterday. I said OK, but I really felt like it would be best to start getting ready now because she will need to take a shower and then dress. That sometimes takes an hour. I know, however, that she might need only 30-45 minutes. As I get to this sentence, I see that it is 7:11, and she is still outside.
This is one of those occasions that almost any married couple could face almost daily. In a normal situation, however, they could talk about it and negotiate something that would suit each one. I recognize, of course, that it can also end up in a standoff. My view is that such a standoff in our situation is simply unproductive. For example, if we had an appointment to be someplace at a particular time, I would need to push her a little. In tonight’s situation, we don’t have any such obligation. This is the more typical case for us; so I am simply letting her stay as long as it takes (that is, unless it gets close to 8:00). While I take this position, I have to be honest in saying that I am really ready to eat and would like her to see that and do it for me. On the other hand, I know that her brain doesn’t work normally. She would never have been like this before Alzheimer’s. I truly miss being able to have normal conversations about things like this, but those days are gone.
Something similar happens with the temperature in the house or in the car. Most of the time I am comfortable, and she is hot. That means that she wants me to make the house or car cooler. I always comply with her desire, but I do sometimes let her know that I am either comfortable or in some cases cold. She totally disregards this and actually thinks I am crazy. I, naturally, believe that her own body thermostat is not working the way it used to do. I do recognize that she feels hot and try to see that she gets relief, but I would love it if she gave just a little recognition to the fact that I am cold. Alas, there is no way to reason with someone who has Alzheimer’s.
