I have taken another step in revealing Kate’s Alzheimer’s to others. Last Thursday, I told Mark Harrington when we had lunch. Yesterday I told Tom Robinson and Stan Grady with whom I have had a friendship since TCU. We have been in an email exchange for several years. Tom and Stan have corresponded with each other since they were colleagues early in their academic careers. Here is the email I sent to them yesterday.
Over the course of our email exchange we have spoken about many things going on in our lives – what we do during the day, our personal thoughts about weighty and not-so-weighty matters, and an increasing array of health and wellness issues. Today I would like to tell you about something that I have kept from you. Kate has Alzheimer’s. She has not wanted, and still does not want, anyone to know.
Next Monday, April 21, it will have been three years since her diagnosis. As you would guess, we had suspected as much for as long as 3-6 years before. Kate was convinced of it quite early. I kept reassuring her that we all have memory problems. I also had a measure of doubt because the most common symptoms I was noticing did not seem to involve a loss of memory. It was simply that she was leading what I can only describe as a dysfunctional life.
Our lives changed the moment we heard the doctor tell us the news. Prior to that time I had been annoyed at the little things she was doing or not doing. Once I knew she had AD I became more understanding. We both decided we would make the most of the time we have together. From that point until now, I have pulled away from the office and have spent all the time I can with her.
This should help explain a few things about our life style that you may have wondered about – the fact that we eat out for all our meals except breakfast, the trips we take, my transporting Kate to the doctor, dentist, club meetings, our deciding not to buy another car, my choice of the type of trip we took to New Zealand, and my thoughts about cruising in the future. This doesn’t even begin to outline all the different adjustments that she and I have made, and, of course, this is only the beginning.
I would ask that you keep this to yourselves except for sharing this information with Angie and Shirley. It would hurt Kate deeply if she knew that I had betrayed her confidence. I will tell Bruce at a later date. Until now the only people I have told are our children and her best friend, Ellen. I didn’t tell the children until just before we left for NZ. I told Ellen a little over a week ago. I felt these people needed to know so that they could do as I have done – to make the most of the time we have left.
In that respect, and that only, I can say that knowing she has Alzheimer’s has brought us some very special times together. I can say that we have never been happier. On the other hand, in the past few months I am seeing a noticeable deterioration in her condition. For me it represents a sign of more challenging times ahead. Perhaps that is a factor in my letting you in on this now.
I am sorry to start the day on such a downer, but I just felt the time had come for me to open up.
Richard
