The issue of Kate’s weight and inability to get into her clothes (slacks specifically) continued yesterday. This time we were getting ready to go to dinner. Once again, she got frustrated because she couldn’t find any slacks that fit her. I told her that I had put aside the ones she wore on Friday night because they did fit her. They were part of the ones we recently bought. When I went to the closet to get them, they were missing from the hanger on which I had hung them. I looked around her room (the office) and the closet and couldn’t find them. I did, however, find a pair that were marked a 12 which should fit. They were a bit tight, but she was able to wear them. During this episode, she was in tears, whimpering would be a better way to describe it. It was very much like the day before but not as severe as the one at Lowe’s the night before that.
I should add that we had a very nice dinner. I’m not referring to the meal itself though it was good. I mean she was calm, and we both enjoyed ourselves and being together. We are spending a considerable amount of money eating out, but it is not just the food that I am after. I am trying to maximize the amount of quality time we have together. It seems that it is easiest when we are doing something together like dining. We are able to talk more easily with one another, and she is able to have some time when she is not personally frustrated or getting messages from me that she has done something wrong.
This morning getting ready for church, Kate encountered more problems finding something to wear. I was just about ready to tell her she might be better to stay at home (which would have been very difficult to say without offending her) when I found a pair of slacks that I thought might work. They did even though she was unable to zip them up all the way. We still haven’t found the new ones she wore Friday night. I did take a step forward when I told her I wanted to help her. Although she has adamantly refused before, she was sufficiently frustrated to accept. We agreed that we would work together to clean up her room and identify the clothes she is able to wear.
So how am I feeling about all this? I must admit there is a little panic for me as well. I recognize that her condition is worsening and that she is aware of it, but she still wants to maintain whatever independence she is able to muster. I find that every time I try to say something to curb one of the behaviors I think is getting out of hand, she is offended. I try to accept whatever she wants to do. This means she eats more than she should. I am less sure that my feelings about her purchases for the yard are appropriate. She is giving the yard more color; it occupies her time, and serves as therapy. In that respect, it is pretty cheap.
I also have wondered if my telling Ellen about Kate’s diagnosis might have been for me to have someone from whom I don’t have to hide things. I have also decided to tell Tom and Stan. They would be my closest mail friends. I do believe telling them is a benefit to me. It certainly doesn’t change things for Kate. This coming Saturday Jan and Scott Greeley are coming from Nashville for lunch. I am considering telling them simply to make them aware since we are so close to them. Kate’s and Scott’s mothers were pregnant with them in 1940. I think they should know.
