Kate has spent a lot less time in the yard this spring than she did last spring, summer, and fall. Today seems like the old days. We both woke up early this morning (a Saturday) when we would normally sleep a little later. I was up at 5:00 and walking at 6:10. When I returned home at 7:20, Kate was working in the flower bed in the front of the house. She remained out there until 9:00 when she came in. After lunch today, she expressed an interest in going to Lowe’s to buy more plants. I took her. When we got home from Lowe’s, she went outside and remained there until almost 6:00. We went to dinner and got home about 40 minutes ago. She went back to the yard where she is pruning. While I don’t believe the pruning is necessary or that we need more plants, I am very happy that she seems to be back into yard work. She enjoys it, and it prevents boredom that occurs when she sits inside and works jigsaw puzzles on her iPad.
A Nice Day for Me, But . . .
We had a nice weekend. We both enjoyed the opera, Electra, as well as our lunch at the Bluefish Cafe. On Sunday I taught my SS. Once again Kate did not go with me. I don’t believe she has gone with me since before Christmas.
It has been a fairly leisurely day for me. I went to the Y as I usually do on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday and came home right afterward at 8:45. Kate was doing some straightening up in her room, something she has done a good bit of lately. I asked if she wanted to go to Panera this morning. She said she did, but she wanted to finish what she was doing. I thought it was good that she was getting her room straight; so I didn’t push her. As an aside, she has done a much better job keeping things straight lately. She has even been able to find clothes to wear. I don’t know if it has anything to do with the fact that I have started keeping a supply of slacks in my closet so that when she can’t find anything, I have something. In addition, she has been giving the slacks that don’t fit to our housekeeper. These two things mean that there are few items in her closet. It makes it somewhat easier to find something. I do want to take her to buy several new tops to wear. I think that would help as well.
I am always trying to address issues. Today I have explored a support group for her. So far I have been unable to identify a group for people with Alzheimer’s. There are plenty for caregivers, far fewer for the patients themselves. I have spoken twice with the national office of the Alzheimer’s Association. Today they gave me the name of a person in Nashville that is running a one-hour program that meets once or twice a month in one of their museums. It seems to be mostly a social occasion where patients and caregivers gather and have an opportunity to learn something about the museum. I have sent an email to the director and hope to hear from her tomorrow.
Several times over the past two weeks I have gotten Kate to come into the family room for us to watch episodes of “Grantchester” I had recorded from Masterpiece Theater. I really thought that she was enjoying it although she always works jigsaw puzzles on her iPad while we are watching. Two times over the weekend I suggested we watch something. She declined both times and said that I could watch. Of course, I wasn’t interested in doing that. My primary purpose was to do something together and hoping she would enjoy it. This afternoon I tried once again. She accepted my invitation, but when we sat down it was clear that she had little interested. Then at one point she said, “I think I could get into this.” A few minutes later she said, “I think I will go outside for a little bit. Is that all right?” I told her it was; so she left, and I turned off the TV and came into the kitchen where I am making this entry. This is another example of how hard one can try but not always win.
The Good Thing Is . . .
This past Saturday night Kate and I went to a wedding. This was the first time that two of my staff members had been with Kate since I told them about her Alzheimer’s in July or August. This morning as the three of us talked about the wedding, I asked them if they would have known about Kate’s illness if I had not told them. They said absolutely not. They recounted conversations they had had with her and how comfortably she had handled herself.
That led me to tell them something that I had been thinking about lately and have mentioned in my journal on previous occasions (I think). One of the really good things about Alzheimer’s is that there is such a long period between the time the patient and her husband recognize the problems and the point at which others notice. Clearly this isn’t true for everyone. I still remember that over two years ago this summer our pastor invited me to lunch and asked if Kate were all right. He made it clear that someone had noticed something different about Kate. It is equally obvious that in more extended conversations like those of Saturday night that even people who know can’t detect any signs.
It is also worth noting that in a conversation with Kevin this past Friday morning, he told me that he still would not know if I hadn’t told Jesse and him earlier this year. He hasn’t seen her, but he has had phone conversations some of which have been lengthy. I consider this aspect of Alzheimer’s to be a blessing for the patient and her husband.
The realization of this positive aspect of the disease has made me think a little more about the need or desire to tell others about her condition. I have been telling a few people this year and have thought of telling others. In particular, I have thought about telling Bruce Morton, my old college roommate. I have hesitated because we both know Nancy Hardwick whose husband, Charlie, has dementia. They were both classmates of ours at TCU. About 10 days ago, Bruce asked me if I knew anything about how Charlie was doing. When we last saw him at our 50th class reunion, I knew from Nancy but could not tell that he had dementia. This made me think that Bruce might be in touch with Nancy. Since is originally from Fort Worth and has both Fort Worth and TCU ties in common with us, I would not want her to know before Kate’s family. That has made me wonder if the time has come to tell them. We will be in Fort Worth the weekend before Thanksgiving. I had already decided I didn’t want them to know before the visit but thought that after the visit might be the right time. Now I am thinking there is no reason to tell them until later. We will see in time how I handle this.
Jigsaw Puzzling
Several times lately Kate has said she loves her iPad. That is quite a shift since I got it for her a couple of years ago. She hardly used it for a year, but more recently she has gotten into it. I believe the major attraction has been the ability to work jigsaw puzzles on it. It appears to be one of the first things she does in the morning, and one of the last things she does before going to bed. It is not an obsession, but I believe it is a result of its being something, like pruning, that she is able to do and to do at her own pace. No one is pushing her.
At the moment she is working a puzzle at a time when I believe she should be getting ready to get her hair cut. We have arranged for her to see a new hairdresser since her former one is no longer able to do her hair. It has been over 4 weeks since she has had her hair done. At any rate, I know she is eager to get her hair done, but she is still working on the iPad. Whoops, I just went back to the bedroom to check on her. She is up. The bed is made. She must be getting her clothes on.
Attempting to Live Normally
It is now almost 3 ½ months since Kate’s diagnosis. There isn’t much to report since the last post. We are both moving into a period that I would describe as “normal” except that we can’t forget, and we make references to AD more and with more personal meaning than in the past. I find myself avoiding mentioning anything about other people with AD. For example, in SS this past Sunday, Pam was clapping as we sang Happy Anniversary for one of the couples in the class. She seemed to be enjoying herself so. Normally she doesn’t say anything, but is so sweet and gives everyone a hug when they greet her. I shy away from telling Kate because I don’t want her to dwell on her future condition. However, she sees enough on her own that I can’t prevent such experiences entirely.
She continues to work on the family album. It is so hard for her to remember how to import pictures and where she has stored them on her computer. She gets awfully frustrated.
I was out of town last week, and she got along just fine. I had been concerned about leaving her as we both have noted her increasing dependence on me. I sometimes feel caught in a conflict between wanting her to be as independent as she can be and wanting to help her as much as I can.
The movement into a normal period is illustrated by the fact that she dropped yoga after her one-month trial. She originally said she would go back, but I am beginning to wonder. She is working in the yard which makes her feel good both physically and psychologically. Perhaps when the album is done, she will try yoga again.
