Travel | - Part 16

December 25, 2015January 9, 2018

Christmas Morning

Kate was quite tired last night. After returning to Kevin’s house after dinner, we came back to our hotel around 9:00. She worked jigsaw puzzles on my iPad for a while and then went to sleep. She slept well and got up around 8:15 this morning while I was at breakfast.

When I got back to the room, she was getting dressed. I wished her a Merry Christmas. She said, “It’s Christmas?” Then she wished me a Merry Christmas. For me this was a sad moment. It is not a surprise at all that she didn’t remember it was Christmas; it was simply another reminder that life is different now and will never be the same again.

I am just thankful that she and I continue to enjoy so many things. It has been an especially good trip. As we returned to the hotel last night, she commented on how much she had enjoyed the evening even though I thought she might not have. The restaurant had misplaced our reservations; so we had to wait about 30 minutes before getting a table. It was also noisy; so it was difficult to have a conversation. In addition, the children played mostly among themselves. The fact is (apparently) that she simply enjoys being with people she loves. I am grateful for that.

December 24, 2015January 9, 2018

Not as Good as Yesterday

This morning while we were eating breakfast at the hotel in Fort Worth, I received a call from my former sociology mentor at TCU, Arthur Cotti, telling me that Kate had left her sunglasses in his apartment when we visited him yesterday afternoon. I told him we would drop by on the way out of town. We had just bought the sunglasses at Walgreens just before lunch as we were headed to meet the Greeleys.

Kate had wanted to drive by the house where she had lived when she was a young child; so we did that. We saw the owner getting a few things out of her car and told her that had been Kate’s home from 1941 to 1949. She told us she and her husband had bought it in 1991. I had my camera out and had planned to take a picture, but she talked so long and her husband came outside. I felt we needed to move on to my mentor’s place. After I pulled away, Kate said, “You didn’t take a picture for me.” She was obviously upset. I told her that we had taken a picture on the last trip to Texas. That didn’t set well. The irony is that she had never said anything about taking a picture; so I thought it was only something I had thought about. I would definitely have done it if she had said something.

When we got to Arthur’s place, I noticed that she had her iPad in her arms and suggested that she leave it in the car. She was annoyed and gave me a dirty look and got out of the car with the iPad. Arthur was sitting in the lobby waiting for us. He gave her the sunglasses. Then we had someone take a couple of pictures of us with him. We then left for Lubbock. Early in the trip (but too late to turn around), Kate asked, “Where is my iPad?” I told her it was probably back at Arthur’s. She kept looking and suggested it might be in the trunk. I told her we hadn’t opened the trunk when we left Arthur.

At a stop, I called back and left messages for Arthur and David, the man who had taken our pictures. Later, David called to say that he had found the iPad and had given them to Arthur. We will pick them up next Wednesday when we are there.

During almost the entire trip Kate was still unhappy with me about not getting a picture of her old house. I told her I was sorry and would make sure we did so next week.. That didn’t seem to carry much weight. She hardly spoke a word until after lunch. She has been depressed over leaving her iPad as well as being angry at me. As we were entering a McDonald’s to get something to drink early, she said that I wanted to control everything she wants to do (referring to my not taking a picture of her 34th street house). She has rested about an hour and a half. I am sure she will come around when we meet Kevin and his family at later this afternoon.

December 23, 2015January 9, 2018

Things continue to go well.

Today we came over to Fort Worth after spending 3 nights in Dallas. Kate has enjoyed every social contact we have had. That continued today when we had lunch with the Greeleys at their favorite barbeque place. That was followed by a visit with Arthur Cotti, the former chair of the sociology department at TCU and an important mentor to me. Finally, we had dinner with another cousin of Kate’s, Chester Hendricks and his wife, Polly. Kate hadn’t been interested in going out tonight. She rested in bed for about 45 minutes following the day’s activities. When we got out to the car, she asked, “Where are we going?” I told her to meet Polly and Chester for dinner. She said, “Oh, I want to see them. I didn’t know.” This is a case in which I should have known that she would not remember. Then I could have told her that we were going to meet them as I told her it was time to go in 15 minutes. I have found that even though I know her short-term memory is weak, I still often respond to her as though she is perfectly all right. I think that is because she has not reached the stage where she always forgets. She forgets most things, but she sometimes remembers.

He memory problems cause her to get stories mixed up when she is talking with friends. While we were at lunch with Scott and Jan, she said something about Roger Rosenblatt whom we have seen several times at Chautauqua. She told them that he is a ghost writer for celebrities who have a story they want to tell but lack the time or necessary skills. I heard her tell someone else the same story in the past few days. He is actually a former journalist and writer who writes only for himself. This is just a small thing that matters little. I mention it only as an example of the kind of confusion she experiences.

December 22, 2015January 20, 2018

Successful First Day

In planning this trip I was guided by the belief that this trip might very well be the last trip to Texas where we were able to visit so many people in different places. For that reason I arranged for us to see Sharon Billings, Kate’s cousin, and three friends in Dallas (Carter Owens and his partner, Michael, Meg Wright, and Nancy and Charlie Hardwick). Tomorrow we drive over to Fort Worth where we will have lunch with Scott and Jan Greeley who are in Fort Worth visiting with her parents. We will also have dinner with Polly and Chester Hendricks. On Thursday, we drive to Lubbock where we will spend Christmas with our son and his family. Next Monday, we drive back to San Angelo where we stay 2 nights with Ken and Virginia before going once again to Fort Worth where we will have lunch with Naomi Richardson.

You never know how things like this will go, especially after Kate’s confusion when getting ready for the trip. The good news is the first day went very, very well. We had breakfast at the hotel (fresh orange juice, coffee, and eggs Benedict). I was eager to move on to her cousin Sharon’s house right after breakfast; however, Kate wanted to get her iPad and spend some time in the lobby working jigsaw puzzles. We spent about an hour on our iPads.

We arrived at Sharon’s close to noon and immediately jumped right into conversations that Kate enjoyed so much. We talked through a long lunch and got back to the house around 3:15. Sharon wanted to rest a little and Kate happily did the same. In fact, she remained in our room until close to 5:30 when we were getting ready to go to Carter’s house before dinner. Kate loved everything.

Although I have known Carter since 1948, Kate has only met him 2 or 3 times over the years. In 2012, we went out for coffee with Michael and him. Apart from that occasion, neither of us had spent any time with Michael. No one would have guessed it by how much we were enjoying ourselves. We didn’t get back to Sharon’s house until 11:00 or shortly thereafter. In fact, we were the next to the last table to leave the restaurant. There was not a break in the conversation from the time we arrived at Sharon’s until we left Carter and Michael’s last night. I would say it was a perfect day.

Today should be interesting. We are going to visit Charlie Hardwick and his wife, Nancy. Charlie also has also has Alzheimer’s. Neither of them is aware that the other also has the disease. Nancy and I are not planning to tell them. We are just going to visit as though things are just as they always were. I’ll report on that tonight or tomorrow.

December 21, 2015January 20, 2018

Lunch With Sharon Billings

As we were walking by the front desk to check out of the hotel, Kate engaged in a conversation at the front desk. While it was not long, it was another illustration of her desire to engage in interaction with people.

We got to Sharon’s house just before noon. We had some refreshments and conversation before going to a French restaurant for lunch. At one point Kate stepped to the ladies room. While she was gone, Sharon told me that she thought Kate is doing very well. Her perception is that she didn’t see anything that would even cause her to seek a diagnosis. This is yet another reminder of how well someone with Alzheimer’s can hide the problem. It is remarkable how I could see the kind of confusion I observed over the weekend and how well Kate could “”perform” today. The key is that her greatest strength is in the area of social skills. In most social situations that is what really matters. It is other skills that are called on in other situations. These are the ones that are affected most.

December 21, 2015January 9, 2018

Making Friends

We are in the lobby of the Marriott Las Colinas in Dallas. We came in last night from Knoxville. Within the next hour we will make our way to Sharon Billings’ house where we will stay 2 nights before moving on to Fort Worth on Wednesday.

After breakfast, Kate said she would like to come back down to the lobby and work on her iPad for a while. That is what brings us here. About 10 minutes ago, she got up from the sofa where we were seated. She walked over to a painting with blue bonnets. Then she struck up a conversation with the valet who was stationed nearby. They continue talk. She has been telling him about growing up in Fort Worth, that I am from West Palm Beach, and, I believe, her cousin, Tina, who lives in Alaska.

This is something of a pattern with her. She often strikes up conversations with people when we are out. It was one of the good things about our getting out to places like Panera Bread or other restaurants. It really doesn’t matter where, any public place will do. The only time I ever think of it as a problem is when I am ready to leave a place, and she continues talking with someone. I find myself conflicted by wanting her to continue having a positive experience and our “needing” to move on.

As always, I try not to find ourselves in a hurry and just let her take her time. That is what I am doing right now. I know she would like to spend as much time as possible with Sharon, but she is moving very slowly to get ready to leave. She still hasn’t finished packing her suitcase and shows absolutely no sign of hurrying. I will let her take as long as she needs since we really don’t have to be there at a particular time.

December 19, 2015January 9, 2018

Confusion About Packing

Shortly after writing my last entry (4:33 pm), Kate seemed to be getting a little panicked. I decided it wasn’t worth it to attempt to go either to a special dinner or to the choral concert tonight. I went back to her to her room and suggested that we just get something simple and skip making an evening of it. I don’t remember exactly how I said it, but I said something that I thought would suggest the only thing she had to do was pack for our trip. She was greatly relieved. I went back to our bedroom and started gathering together my things and packing them. About 20 minutes ago, I went back to her office and saw that she was working on her laptop and had not started packing at all. I told her I thought she was packing and that is why we weren’t going to out for dinner or the concert. She looked surprised. I asked if she wanted me to put her suitcase on the bed for her. She did, and I left to finish up some of my things. Realizing that she was getting panicked, I told her it might make it easier if she just laid out the things she would like to take with her and packed them in the morning.

In a while, she called me to her office. When I got to the back, I discovered that she had picked out 7 or 8 outfits. I told her that was perfect. I left again to tend to my stuff. In a little while she called me again. I went back to her office. She showed me the very same things she had shown me before. I did not say that she had already done this. I simply said they were perfect. Then she asked me when we were leaving (meaning for Texas). I told her tomorrow as I have done each time she has asked.

She has been getting along so well lately that I have been surprised about her present behavior and condition. It makes me feel once again that the upcoming cruise will have to be one that minimizes tight deadlines and keeps things as simple as possible. I am still optimistic that we can do this on the cruise. A bigger consideration at the moment is whether I have arranged too rigid a schedule while we are in Texas.

November 26, 2015January 20, 2018

Memphis: Alone Time

This morning Kate and I were awake at 7:15. I brought her some orange juice and a breakfast bar around 7:45 and told her the family was just now coming to the kitchen. She thought I was asking her to come on downstairs and asked, “I’ll be able to see them later, won’t I?” I told her yes. She remained in bed using her laptop. She remained there until close to 11:00. She came downstairs and started editing photos on her laptop. Sometime around noon, she went back upstairs. I just checked in on her and found that she was resting in bed.

It is interesting how much she enjoys being with everyone (I think), but how often she removes herself to rest. I am not sure whether this occurs because she is simply tired or because she isn’t interacting with everyone and gets bored or feels left out. For the most part, each person has been on his/her own today. Jesse has been busy the entire day preparing food for our Thanksgiving dinner. I have remained in the kitchen most of that time working on my iPad and talking with Jesse and Greg. Ron has been playing games on the TV (football, basketball and hockey). Randy has been upstairs almost the entire morning. He is downstairs right now working on his computer. It could be that Kate has simply gotten tired of working on photos. It may be taxing on her. It could also be that she is having a very low-key experience with the family since no one is giving her any special attention. Of course, she hasn’t taken any time in the kitchen except when Jesse gave her a slice of banana nut bread and some fresh blueberries and raspberries.

Yesterday she was hurt when we were with the Robinsons in Nashville. We had had a good visit. Near the time to leave, she broke into the conversation and said, “Wait a minute, the three of you have done all the talking. Let me say something.” When we got in the car, she seemed depressed. We didn’t chat about it, but she offered several comments. She mentioned something that I have noticed before but did not notice yesterday. She said Angie and Tom looked at me and addressed all or most of their comments to me. She also said that everybody (even Ellen, her best friend) does this. She said, “I am not dumb.” meaning that she has things to say and contribute to our discussions as much as everyone else. I apologized to her because I had not been sensitive to that and that I would try to direct more conversation her way. I really do believe that my own personality is such that I quickly engage in conversation with other people and don’t think as much about whether or not she is being included. This is something I need to work on. I might think that the behavior of the Robinsons is a result of their knowing that Kate has Alzheimer’s, but the same pattern appears to be true with other people who have no idea of her illness. It may have something to do with the kinds of comments that she makes. Often they don’t tie into anything that we are discussing at the moment. It could also be that there is so little that she can offer to many of our conversations that she is more retiring and gets ignored. At any rate, it is a problem and one that I hope I can offset but fear that this will become a more common pattern.

October 15, 2015January 20, 2018

Trip Report (Memphis)

Last night Kate and I returned home after 9 nights away. Our timing was good. Unfortunately, we found that the HVAC is not operating at all. I called the service company. They are sending someone to the house between 4:00 and 6:00 this afternoon.

This was a relaxed but busy trip. We first stopped in Nashville where we had lunch with our friends, the Davises. Then we went to Memphis where we spent three nights with our daughter and her boys. Then we drove to Helena, Arkansas for the wedding of Kate’s cousin’s granddaughter. We spent one night there. After the wedding reception we stayed three nights with our longtime friend Dorothy Hinely and her husband Mitch. We came back to Jesse’s house for one night. Yesterday morning we left for home. We stopped in Nashville to visit with Ellen in her new apartment (assisted living). She looked great but is still have difficulty with her speech. We visited for an hour and then drove on home.

All that description is a preface to my observations regarding Kate’s adjustment during the trip. First, I should say that she had a great time. We repeatedly talked about what a good time we had had seeing all the people and enjoying the scenery and the home and grounds of the Hinelys. Seeing Ellen was also a special pleasure, not to mention the excitement of the wedding and the pleasure of seeing our daughter and her boys.

The downside is that too much happened too quickly. It led to a bit more confusion for Kate though it did not seem to diminish her pleasure. Some things were similar to what we experience while at home. For example, I pointed out a stone wall near Dorothy’s house. Kate immediately said she noticed it every time we went by it. This was the first time we had driven by this area.

Other things were somewhat different. Here are a few things that were evidence of her confusion.

1. The day before the wedding and the day of the wedding we were with a lot of people we had never met. Kate got quite confused by who is who. By itself that wouldn’t be anything unusual. I had trouble with the names myself. I was surprised that she had great difficulty with her relationship with Tina, her cousin, and the relationship between Tina and the bride. She asked me repeatedly to explain this to her. More startling, was the fact that she asked me to tell her Tina’s name at one point. We had good conversations with Tina’s son and who is the father of the bride. Immediately following one of those encounters, Kate asked, “Now who is he?”

2. We were moving from one place to another so much that she couldn’t recall where we were or when or where we were going. Several times she asked if we were going home today.

3. The second morning we were at Dorothy and Mitch’s she left Dorothy and me in the kitchen after breakfast. We talked an hour or so. Then Dorothy wanted to go upstairs and get her shower, and I wanted to check on Kate. When I got upstairs, I looked in our room, but she was not there. I walked out of the room and saw Dorothy who was coming up the stairs. I looked in Dorothy’s room and noticed that Kate was in Dorothy and Mitch’s bedroom resting in their bed. We lowered our voices so as not to disturb her. She heard us and said, “You don’t have to lower your voices. I’m awake.” She continued to rest. Dorothy asked Kate if it would bother her if she went ahead and showered and dressed. Kate said no. In a few minutes Kate came into our room and got into bed. I don’t know if she ever realized that she had been in the Hinely’s bed. Dorothy and I never said anything to her. She never said anything herself. It would not surprise me if she had not realized it.

4. We stopped at Cracker Barrel for lunch yesterday. When the two of us went to the receptionist’s stand, she told us there would be a few minutes wait. I gave her our name, and she said she would call us. I told Kate and the hostess that I would be in the men’s room. Kate looked as though she were going on into the dining room. I motioned to her to wait and went to the men’s room. I figured she would walk around the store to look at the various items for sale. When I returned, I didn’t see her. Then the hostess called us. I asked if she had already seated my wife. She said that she hadn’t. We walked in the dining room and I saw Kate standing at a table waiting for me. It turns out that she had simply gone in and taken a table when I left for the men’s room. The hostess, who had planned to take us to another table, then told Kate she shouldn’t have taken a seat without going through her. As she walked away, I tapped her on the shoulder and explained that Kate has Alzheimer’s. Then she felt bad. I was afraid she was going to make a big deal about it. It was the first time I have felt the need for a card like the one that Kate’s cousin had. It said something like, “My husband has Alzheimer”s. Please understand if he says or does something that you think is out of place.” I may have to start preparations for such a card.

There were numerous other examples of confusion that occurred during the trip. I felt sad for her in that she must have felt tossed about without knowing where we were going, who we would be with, what we were going to do, how long we would stay. It must have been overwhelming.

On the other hand, I really believe she had a good time, but it makes me think I will need to be careful in planning our trip to Texas in December. I know, however, that we need (I want) to see several people before she declines any further. I may just have to take the risk.

I should also add that she did take rest breaks whenever it was possible. Even at Jesse’s, she went up to the room and stayed there for a couple of hours when she could have been downstairs with the children. That says a lot about her need to get away from situations that may be taxing her brain.