Posted on

Escaping a Potential Problem

I am optimistic about another good day. My alarm went off at the correct time (6:15) which enabled me to have plenty of time to get myself ready for breakfast and to see that Kate is ready for our shore excursion that leaves at 8:30.

When I returned from breakfast, she was up and had had her shower. I brought her a muffin, smoked salmon, and yogurt. She finished about half of that and is now lying down under the covers. I will let her take another 15-20 minutes before getting her up and dressed.

Last night as we were returning from dinner, she took a fall down the circular staircase in the central atrium of the ship. She screamed and drew a lot of attention. She came down head first on her back. Fortunately, she does not seem to have been hurt. Several ship staff rushed to her aid and encouraged her to see the doctor. We agreed. As we waited, she indicated that she felt all right and moved her arms and legs to show that she was all right. Ultimately, we came back to the cabin without seeing the doctor.

When I got her situated in the room, I left to attend the evening show. I caught the last two numbers and then bought excursion tickets for this morning. When I got back, Kate told me that a nurse had come to the cabin. Kate had reassured her that she is all right. She just told me that she is not sore at all. It looks like we escaped a potential problem

Posted on

It’s Good To Be Flexible

Fortunately for me, I am flexible. I think this is a good thing for Kate as well. This afternoon we had an experience that illustrates this. We planned to go to a movie at 4:00. Just before we left the cabin at 3:55, she asked if she would be able to get something to drink. I told her she couldn’t do that and get to the movie. She seemed to accept that, and we walked to the theater. When we walked in, she said, “I don’t see a place to get anything to drink.” I told her they didn’t serve drinks in the theater. She wanted something to drink and to eat. We left the theater to find a place. I knew as we did this that we would not see the movie, but that was not a big deal. I had originally selected the movie because I thought she might be tired of being in the room all afternoon. We ended up in the Lido which is the casual dining option that is open virtually all day. It turned out to be a good place. She got a Coke and a slice of pizza. One of the on-duty staff made some origami roses for her. She was pleased (although I don’t see them now. She may have forgotten them.) After finishing her pizza and Coke, she wanted to get her iPad from the cabin and find a place to sit and work jigsaw puzzles. We went back to the room and got our iPads. Then we went to the Observation Deck lounge. It was crowded because it was now the cocktail hour, but we found two seats. It was warm, and Kate was uncomfortable. I suggested we locate another place. We came downstairs to the third level (we had been on the tenth) where we are right now. The early dinner group is walking by us. Since Kate had pizza about an hour ago, I know we need to wait a little before we go to eat. I am getting hungry though; so I don’t think we will hold out later than another 30 minutes.

Although I am flexible and can deal with these kinds of changes in plans, I don’t mean to say that it doesn’t give me a jolt each time I need to shift gears. My left-brain tendency is to decide on something and to see it through. Changing really is a frustration. If I didn’t know she has Alzheimer’s, it would drive me crazy. Knowing makes all the difference in the world, but it doesn’t remove the moment of frustration that occurs when we have been heading in one direction and have to change.

Posted on

More Confusion

We have had a good day. This morning was an experiment in a morning excursion leaving at 8:30. I had my alarm set for 5:15 thinking it was really 6:15 because when I went to bed the time on my phone had not changed. Unfortunately, the clock reset during the night; so I actually got up at 5:15. I went to breakfast about 5:40 which is 20 minutes before the breakfast opens. I took a walk to pass the time. I woke Kate at 7:00 and did not rush her. I brought her some breakfast to the room. We were able to disembark for our excursion on time without a problem.

She has seemed happy and not too tired today. When we returned from our excursion around noon, we went to lunch. Upon returning to our room, she immediately got into the bed and pulled the covers over her. It is now almost 3:00, and she is still in bed although awake and using her iPad. I asked her if she would like to go to a movie at 4:00. She said she would. A few minutes after saying that she said, “The nice thing is that we can go home anytime if we want.” I gave her a puzzled look. Then she said, “Where are we?” I told her we were in St. Martin. She said, “I knew that. I was confused.” At least one other time she has asked me where we are and said something that led me to think she thought we were in Knoxville. To me one of the interesting things is that she can be confused when she can see that we are on a ship. When she asked me where we are, she was looking directly at me. I am sitting in front of the glass door leading to our balcony. Directly through the door, it is very easy to see a very large cruise ship that is docked behind us.

Posted on

Panic Attack

Kate is in the midst of a panic attack as we get ready for our formal dinner tonight. I had left her resting to take a walk and then stop by the Lido for some water and to write the previous post. When I returned, she was taking a bath. When she got out, she was hot. It was getting time to get ready for the evening. I picked out her clothes and put them on the bed. I showed them to her. Then she went to the closet and got another outfit. I said, “Here is what you can wear tonight.” Surprisingly, she accepted that. She was at the beginning of her panic attack at that point, and I believe she was willing to accept a suggestion that would make things easier for her. Somewhere before this she had asked me what we were doing and where we were going. I told her that this was formal night and that we were going to get our picture taken, go to dinner, and then to a show.

Once she had put on what I had picked out, she came from the bathroom with her toothbrush, iPad, and puzzle books in her hand. I suggested that she wouldn’t need to take those with her. She asked where we were going. It turns out that she had forgotten what I had told her. She thought we were going to the house. Then she started panicking. She started breathing harder and shed tears. It turned out that she didn’t bring any shoes except the ones she has been wearing since we left on Sunday. They are casual shoes that look a little bit like tennis shoes. I think this caused more concern. I don’t think it was because she didn’t have the right shoes. I think it was because she had forgotten to bring any other shoes. That was yet another reminder that she makes one mistake after another.

After this, we were ready to go. We got our picture taken, had dinner, and saw the show. Things turned out fine. Still, I have to believe this kind of issue will only get worse until she lets me take charge of packing everything for her. This will also affect our travel in the future. I am wavering on the cruise from Rome to Amsterdam in May.

Posted on

Problems Sleeping

I’ve always been a good sleeper, but over the past 2-3 years I have had occasional times when I wake up and can’t get back to sleep. In the past 6 months or so these have occurred somewhat more frequently. Several months ago at a routine doctor’s appointment the doctor asked me if I wanted something to take that would help. I told him no. Last week at another appointment neither of us mentioned it. I still feel the same way right now; however, I am reaching a point where it is something that I might consider if this gets any worse. I don’t usually have a problem while on vacation, but this is the second night in a row when I do have awakened and been unable to go back to sleep easily. Last night I woke up at 1:00 a.m. It was about an hour before I drifted off. This morning I woke up at 3:16 a.m. My mind began to think about Kate and our planned cruise in May. I asked myself if I am crazy. The reason for taking this cruise was to give her a chance to counter the boredom she is facing at home. I felt being with a people and being on board an interesting ship might minimize her periods of boredom. Thus far that is not the case. To be more specific, it isn’t boredom on the ship that is the problem. It is seeming so tired and uninterested in things. Yesterday she enjoyed sitting in the Observation Lounge and working jigsaw puzzles. She also enjoyed the movie we watched after lunch. She also enjoyed her spa treatment though she came right back to the cabin and got into the bed. It seems like the bed is becoming her security blanket.

All this is making me question if I am doing this for myself or for Kate. I clearly understand that change is not necessarily a good thing for someone with AD. I have been thinking it is easier for me to keep her entertained on a cruise than at home. Perhaps, it would really be easier and better for her if we stayed at home. At the same time I fear her vegetating there as well. The one thing that she still seems to enjoy is visiting with friends. We could continue to see the Greenleys, Robinsons, Davises, and Ellen in Nashville. We might even make a trip to see another friend in Birmingham.

There is much to consider now. As I think I mentioned in yesterday’s post, Kate’s deterioration is becoming more pronounced now. This is the first time I have been convinced of that. Typically, I am more guarded in saying that the signs are as clear as they seem to be right now. I know we will get through this, but I am just now beginning to face the reality that I am losing her. I feel sad and scared.

Posted on

First Full Day on Cruise

It has been a reasonably good day today. For me it has been better than for Kate although even my enjoyment of the day has been lessened by her being so tired. I am hoping that is a result of my giving her a Dramamine this morning to prevent seasickness.

Yesterday we had gotten to the port for embarkation just before 1:00 p.m. We quickly learned that the cruise ship had gotten in some five hours late as a result of the Coast Guard’s having told them to help in a search and rescue operation. A boat with at least 10 passengers was missing or in trouble. As dawn came, the Coast Guard let our ship go and started using planes. They ultimately found ten men.

We waited with the other passengers in a hangar-like structure that seemed anything but what you would imagine for people going on a dream cruise. Many, if not most, of us had not eaten lunch. Finally, they brought in cookies, cheese and peanut butter cracker, and other snacks.

We boarded shortly after 4:00. Then we had to go through the safety drill. After that, the ship discovered an electrical problem. We didn’t leave until 9:00 or so. Kate was asleep by the time we left. We are in open seating on this trip. We went to eat at 6:00 and got a table with a couple (father and daughter) from Cincinnati and Maryland.

This morning I got up shortly before seven. I had breakfast. When I came back Kate was getting ready. She had slept almost 11 hours. I continue to notice her need to rest and am trying to see that she gets it on this trip. She wanted some breakfast; so I took her up to the breakfast buffet where we sat with a couple from Cincinnati. They were both interesting people. He was a retired counseling psychologist who had spent a large part of his career as a forensic psychologist working with the FBI and other law enforcement agencies. His specialty was in hypnosis. He had some interesting stories.

We got back to the room at 9:28, and Kate immediately got into bed and pulled the covers over her. We had planned to go to a 10:00 presentation on the shore excursions. She was resting so well at 9:55 that I asked her if she would like to stay or go. She nodded that she wanted to stay.

When I got back, I knew she might be hungry and asked her if she would like to go to a café on the Observation Deck where she could get a bite and something to eat. She seemed very lethargic and walked unusually slowly as we went to the other end (bow) of the ship and up two flights. She seemed a bit in a fog when I was trying to determine what she wanted. She had a Coke and a small piece of lemon cake. She found a place to sit, and I brought the Coke and cake to her. She ate the cake quickly and asked for “another muffin.” I went back and got her a small cupcake. By the time I returned with it, she seemed to be perking up. I had planned to go upstairs and use the treadmill while she worked jigsaw puzzles on her iPad and crossword puzzles. I felt a little uncomfortable leaving her because I thought she might be experiencing seasickness. In a few minutes she seemed to be better. I decided not to go to the exercise room but to walk around the ship instead. After each trip I came back to check on her. That seemed to work. After walking 45 minutes, I went back and got her for lunch.

She seemed in a daze as we looked at the various options in the buffet line. She ultimately got blackened Mahi Mahi and rice, nothing else. I got a salad. When we finished, we went to a movie. It had already started and we could only find single seats. I sat on the front row, she in the back. It was quite warm; so I worried about her comfort the entire movie. I was concerned that she might need to leave, not recall where I was seated, walk out, and get lost. As it turned out, she was warm but had been interested in the movie. She said, “I can’t wait to read the book.” She frequently says this after a movie but never does. In fact, she reads almost nothing.

I am quite interested in seeing how things go tomorrow. We have another day at sea before reaching Sint Maarten day after tomorrow. One of the things I am considering is eating lunch in the dining room. That would make it easier for her and for me. We could simply give our order to the server and he would bring the food to us. I am still thinking about shore excursions. Several of the ones seem interesting, but I don’t want to rush her in getting up in the morning. Most seem to depart at 8:30 or 9:00. Anything before ten seems too early for her. I may try one just as an experiment. If it goes well, I might try another.

She has two symptoms that are of significance at the moment. One is being tired. She needs plenty of rest. To me this seems a bit of a sign of her drifting away. It is sad. The other is an inability to focus. Mostly, I am thinking of visual focus. It is as though she sees a thousand different things in front of her and can’t pick out the thing that she wants (for example, a good item) or that I want to show her. I believe this also involves auditory focus as well. I don’t think she hears a lot of what is said in conversations around her. She just doesn’t notice things that she would noticed in the past.

For example, I bought her a pair of slacks and two tops for the trip. I did this on my own without her and didn’t tell her. I packed them in my suitcase. When I unpacked last night, I hung them in the closet. This morning as she was getting ready to dress, I point out the two tops. She picked one of them to wear today. I didn’t tell her they were new or that I had bought them for her. She acted as though they were clothes she already had. For the first time, I am really seeing more dramatic symptoms of her illness. They are not surprises, but I find it very saddening because her decline has been so gradual that I almost expected it to last forever. Of course, not really.

Posted on

Summary Notes on Trip to Texas

We are nearing the end of our trip. Here are a few observations of things that have happened.

Kate has been confused about when and where we are going the entire time. Fortunately, she has not been frustrated or depressed., but she keeps asking me where we are. I know that has been a special problem because we have been going from one place to another visiting family and friends. We flew into Dallas where we visited two childhood friends, one of mine, Carter Owens, and one of hers, Meg Wright. Then we drove to San Angelo where we are stayed two nights with Kate’s brother, Ken, and his wife, Virginia.

From there we went to Lubbock to spend Christmas with our son, Kevin, and his family. Then we drove back to Fort Worth where we visited one of Kate’s cousins and his wife. We also made a day trip to Waco to visit the Magnolia Market that has gotten so much attention on HGTV. Considering all of this travel, it is not too surprising that Kate has been confused.

When she has had the opportunity, and she did almost every day, she has rested in the morning and the afternoon. She has also gone to bed at a decent hour. Only the first night in  San Angelo did she get to bed late as did I. That is a good thing. She has needed her rest.

One afternoon we called Laura Williams, a high school friend of Kate’s. She was uneasy about what to say to Laura when she got on the line. She didn’t want me to leave her alone in the hotel room to make the call to Laura without me. I stayed.

In a number of conversations she asked me to tell a story to others instead of telling it herself. She seems to remember the gist of stories but can’t remember enough details to relate them to others.

One of those stories goes back to the days of our dating. It involves a phone call that Kate’s grandmother took one night. As I recall the story, when the person asked for Kate, her grandmother (a very proper person) said, “She’s not here. She’s at a dinner party at the funeral home.” Recently Kate has been telling it as a call her mother received and that her mother said to the caller, “She’s not here. She’s at the funeral home.” One night at dinner with a former professor of mine she said that her mother received a call for her and her mother said, “She’s not here. She’s gone out of town with Richard to pick up a body.”

One morning in San Angelo before Kate came to the breakfast table, Virginia whispered in my ear that she really felt for me in terms of what we are going through. I told her we had been fortunate so far but that the tough times lay ahead. She nodded in agreement. I know that she is observing Kate’s behavior closely since Ken also has Alzheimer’s having received his diagnosis about three years after Kate.  That is about the same difference in their ages.

During the trip even this afternoon and evening she has expressed some irritation with me. This afternoon it involved shopping at the Magnolia Market in Waco. I told her she needed to set some priorities on what she bought because we were flying home tomorrow and would not have room for a lot of things. She also got annoyed when I was about to reach the checkout counter after waiting a while in line. Kate had wandered around. I saw where she was and called to her to come to me. She was irritated. We have not had a lot of moments like this, but they occur frequently enough for me to notice and comment on this behavior. I am wondering where this will lead.

While the trip has gone well, I am glad that I made the decision to make it. I believe we are likely to visit Lubbock and San Angelo again, but I am less confident about Fort Worth.

I continue to feel confident about our trip to the Caribbean in January and optimistic about the trip to Europe in May and Chautauqua in June-July. I don’t know after that.

Posted on

Successful Day

We got to Kevin’s house this morning and went to lunch at The Egg & I for a lunch/breakfast. We had a good meal and a good time. Brian drove all of us back home as he did yesterday. He is hoping to take his driving test this week. If he passes, he will have his driver’s license.

The afternoon was spent watching football. Kate worked on her laptop until around 3:00 when she asked Kevin where she could go to take a nap. We suggested Brian’s room. She rested until I went up to get her at 4:50 so that we could get to the bowling alley for our appointment. Neither Rachel nor Kated bowled. The rest of us did and had a grand time.

We finished at 6:00 and came back to the house where we had chili that Rachel had been cooking in the crock pot all day. It was a simple but good meal. We got back to the room by 7:20. Kate commented on what a nice visit we had had. I agreed. Right now she is in bed with her laptop. I am washing and drying dirty clothes in the guest laundry right around the corner from our room. I also have the Vikings/Giants football game on.

Our plan is to get to bed at a decent hour so that we can get a good night’s sleep before we depart for Ken and Virginia’s home in San Angelo. My goal is to leave around 9:30 unless that pushes Kate too much.

Posted on

A Day With Family

Yesterday Kate and I remained at the hotel until shortly after 11:00 when we drove over to Kevin’s. After a rocky start with the bad dream around 5:30 a.m., she rested a while, had a little breakfast, and went back to bed as she often (usually) does. I think it was good for her to get up leisurely in this way. We still had plenty of time to be with Kevin’s family.

We went to Lonestar Cheeseburger Company for hamburgers. We enjoyed ourselves, and I don’t recall anything unusual happening while we were there. We went back to Kevin’s, and Rachel prepared to go out with Heather. Kate went went along. I knew that they were going to a shop where Kate might want to buy something; so I talked privately with Rachel and gave her $40. I thought perhaps Kate wouldn’t think to ask me for money. That would mean she could ask Rachel to pay for what she wanted. I was wrong. Kate did ask me for the money; so I got it back from Rachel without Kate’s knowing.

While they were out shopping, Kevin and I went to Starbucks. I gave him an update on Kate. We discussed the future and Kate, his job, etc. When we returned to the house, the ladies had already finished their shopping. I asked Kate if she had been shopping. She said, “No.” I said something about thinking she was going shopping. She recalled, and said, “”Yes.” I asked if she bought anything. She first said no and then said a couple of things. I learned from Rachel that Kate had spent the $40 I had given her and another $20 she borrowed from Rachel. She said that Kate hadn’t bought anything nice and asked, “”I hope that is all right.” I told her it was and that that is how I look at her purchases from Lowe’s. It is therapy for her.

Later in the afternoon while we were watching TV, Kate got up from the sofa where she had been editing photos on her laptop. She said, “”Excuse me a minute.” She was gone for about an hour. I went upstairs to check on her and told Kevin that she was probably resting. I found her in Brian’s bed resting just as I thought. A short time later she came downstairs.

As we got ready to go out for a Mexican meal, we started to gather our things to take back to the hotel. Kate couldn’t find her shoes. Thinking that she probably took them off before she got into Brian’s bed, I went to his room to look for them. They were beside the bed. I also noticed the things she had bought that afternoon and picked them up. Kate had come upstairs behind me. I gave her the shoes. As we were walking toward the stairs, she asked, “”Where are our things?” I was puzzled and asked what things. Then she said, “”Our room.” I said, “”At the hotel.” She then gave me the customary look of remembering and said, “”Oh, yes.” These types of experiences are becoming more commonplace. It also bothers me because I sense that she is troubled by each occurrence. It is not something she sloughs off. She knows it is a sign of her Alzheimer’s.

This morning as we were about to walk out the door to go to breakfast, she was trying to recognize my taking care of so many things for her and said, “”My P.” Immediately she knew that was not correct and said, “”My M.” Then I jumped in and said, “”M whatever.” She then said, “MM. You take such good care of me.” MM” is what she sometimes calls me. It stands for “My Memory.”

Posted on

Christmas Day

Our Christmas with Kevin and his family went well. We got over to his house shortly after 10:00. Kate was a little slow getting going but got up from the bed when I told her it was time to go. She enjoyed the day. We were there until almost 6:00 p.m. As we were driving back to the Residence Inn, she said it had been a nice day. She seemed to have enjoyed everything.

Back at the hotel, she worked on photos on her laptop until 8:00 when she went to bed for the night. This morning around 5:30, she had a bad dream. I woke her up. She looked up at me and asked, “”Who are you?” I answered, “”Richard.” Then she said, “”Oh, good. Who am I?” I told her, and she said, “Good.” “I wanna go home.” The other morning at Sharon’s house she said something similar, “Are we going home today?” When I told her we were going to Lubbock, she remembered. She remained in bed a while as I held her. In a few minutes, I got up and prepared to go downstairs to the exercise room. Before leaving, she seemed a little unsettled. I got into bed with her and held her again for a while until she seemed calm. Then I went to the exercise room.

After finishing on the tread mill, I dropped by the breakfast buffet to pick up some yogurt for the two of us. As I was doing so, I saw Kate who had brought her computer downstairs with her. I gave her some yogurt and went upstairs to dress and get my iPad. I went back downstairs and got myself some eggs and sausage. We were down there together for about an hour when she was relaxing in her chair with her eyes closed. I asked her if she wanted to go upstairs. She said she would. So here we are. She got right into bed, and I am on the iPad making this journal entry. I am going to let her rest for the next hour or so before we go to Kevin’s house.

Several times since we arrived in Lubbock she has asked about her iPad. Each time I have told her we had left it in Fort Worth. Each time she quickly remembers. She continues to have trouble seeing things. While we were sitting in the lobby, her laptop needed charging. She glanced around the room to locate an electrical outlet. I saw one and pointed it out to her. She got up with her laptop and put it down in the chair beside the electrical outlet. The lamp beside her was clearly plugged into the outlet. She didn’t appear to see the outlet and started looking around on other nearby walls. I pointed in the direction of the outlet, but she still didn’t see it. I walked over to it and showed it to her. She felt “stupid”. And said, “”You’re the only one who would put up with me.” I told her I was not putting up with her but loving her.

Despite these things, I would say the trip is going well, but I wouldn’t be honest if I didn’t wonder if she will increasingly feel more comfortable being at home. I wonder how she will deal with our upcoming cruises.