Posted on

A nice day, but not quite up to the previous two.

Yesterday morning was just about perfect for a walk. It was slightly cooler with lower humidity than normal. When I came back, I fixed breakfast and then sat on the patio about twenty minutes meditating on the beauty of the gentle wind blowing through the trees on the property of the neighbor behind our house. She has forty acres, most of which is wooded. Kate and I have spent many late afternoons looking out over the trees. I’ve often remarked how fortunate to have a neighbor like that. Then I consider the fact that our house sits on what was on her property until she sold it for development. If the price is right, she might sell more of her land. I think we’re safe though. I don’t believe she wants her neighbors any closer to her house. We can only see traces of it during the winter when the leaves are off the trees.

Kate slept late yesterday morning. In fact, she was so late that we skipped Panera and went directly to lunch. She wasn’t at all depressed, but she wasn’t nearly as cheerful as she has been the past two days. We were pretty well-occupied most of the day.  We had less than an hour at home after lunch before going to the Bijou to see a performance of Memphis. We had seen it on Broadway during its initial run several years ago and enjoyed it although it isn’t in the same league as Les Miserables or Fiddler on the Roof. We sat on the front row. I think that may have been a little much for Kate. It was quite loud and fast-paced. She was impressed with the quality of the performers but not taken with the music.

From there we went to dinner and then came back home for the night. I started the DVD of Sound of Music where we had left off the previous night. Kate was too tired to last long, so I turned it off for another time.

Posted on

Where did the time go?

My apologies for being out of touch today. I didn’t start this journal with the intent of posting every day; however, now that the blog is up and running, I somehow feel that I should check in more frequently. Today just turned out to be a busy day, but a good one. I’ll tell you about it in the morning.

Posted on

Just an Ordinary Day. That’s Good.

Kate got up a little later yesterday morning. We didn’t get to Panera until just after 11:00. By that time most of the morning crowd had gone. There was only one man in the area where we sit. He is someone we see periodically. We chatted with him briefly, and Kate had her muffin while I finished up my earlier post.

From there we made our regular visit to Carla’s for lunch. It was especially crowded and, thus, a little noisy. Several of the regular staff have not been there during the past few visits. That has made a little difference in how I have felt about the place. It’s been a reminder that it is not just the food that is important. We liked our server and would be happy to have him again if one of our regulars is not available. As always, our food was good. We also saw our pastor who was having lunch with another church member. We had a nice conversation with him. Before leaving, the man who owns the building across the parking lot from my office walked in. We talked briefly with him as well. So as it turned out, we had a good meal while enjoying brief conversations with people we know.

When we got home, we had almost an hour before both of us had appointments for haircuts. Since Kate’s hairdresser retired about five years ago, we go to the same person. That’s a nice convenience. During our time at home, I put on my album of Les Miserables. After seeing how much she enjoyed the DVD, I was curious to see how she would respond to the audio version. I can’t say that it had the same impact as the DVD. Visuals really do make a difference. However, she was quite taken by it. She had been working on her iPad, but put it down on several occasions just to listen to the music. I can’t fully express the pleasure I get in seeing her respond this way. I love sharing the music with her.

When we returned from getting our haircuts, we sat in the family room and listened to more music until time for dinner. I selected a number of things that I knew she would like. I have an album of the Susquehanna Chorale singing several songs she especially likes, Danny Boy, Shenandoah, Loch Lomond, and Swing Low Sweet Chariot. I looked over at her and saw that she was softly singing with the music. Once again, I could see the power of music. As a result of my reading Judy Cornish’s The Dementia Handbook, I have a better understanding why.

Posted on

Yesterday’s Conversations

We had another good day yesterday with a couple of interesting conversations. After taking our seat at lunch, Kate asked where we were. I told her. Then she asked my name. I told her. She followed that with “What’s mine name?” I said, “You tell me.” She thought a moment and told me.

A few minutes later, she asked where we were again. I told her. Then I said, “We’ve lived here 47 years. As usual she was surprised and said, “That can’t be.” Then I told her we have a daughter who will be 50 in October. She looked even more surprised and said, “We have children?” I told her we have a daughter and son and gave her their names.

I also had a brief conversation with Mary, our sitter. When she arrived, I told her about Kate’s anxiety attack on Wednesday night. I just wanted her to know in case anything similar happened while I was gone. She told me she was impressed with how well Kate handles herself with people. She specifically mentioned how easy it was for her to make conversation with people she saw at Panera. She specifically noted how much she enjoys the children she sees. Although I often I talk about how well she does in social encounters, it was nice to hear it from someone else.

I’m happy to say that we had no signs of the anxiety that Kate experienced Wednesday night. The more I think about it, the more I believe that was the clearest sign of sundowning we have had. I hope it was the last but know it could happen again.

Posted on

Yesterday

We had another good day yesterday. It was a good example of how little time we spend at home on a typical day. Kate slept a little later, but we made it to Panera for almost an hour before going to lunch. After that, we came back home. That left us about two hours before our hair appointments at 3:00. Knowing that Kate doesn’t like to stay at home for long, I gave her an option to go to Barnes & Noble. She opted to stay at home.

About an hour and fifteen minutes later, she got up and went to the bathroom. When she returned, she was ready to go. It was 2:30, so I asked if she would like to go for our haircuts then or wait another fifteen minutes at home. She wanted to go the hair salon. That’s what we did. As it turned out that worked well. The person who cuts our hair did not have a 2:30 appointment and took her right in. It was a day for color, so I had time to run back home for a while before returning an hour later for my haircut.

By then it was 4:00. That left us time before we were to leave for jazz night at Casa Bella. I asked if she would like to go home or to Panera. She wanted to go to Panera. I have often commented about the importance of Panera and other restaurants to both of us. It puts us in centers of activity. We often see people we know and engage in brief conversations. In addition, we meet new people who also come regularly.

Although Kate obviously enjoys being at Panera, I have never heard her make a comment about it until yesterday. She loves children and had been watching a young child in his mother’s arms as she got herself a drink. Then she said, “Panera’s a nice place to be.” She went on to say something about the surroundings and the people that we see. When she says things like this, I am reminded of how much she takes in. It’s a happy moment for me. It also makes me think. I’m afraid I sometimes underestimate her. I know it is common for other people to underestimate what people with dementia can understand. We are easily drawn in that direction, even caregivers who should know better.

We left Panera in time to change clothes before going to Casa Bella. When Kate was ready, she was carrying a turtleneck sweater and pair of pants that go with an old warm-up suit I used to wear to the Y in the morning. I didn’t say a word. She brought them to the car but didn’t take them into the restaurant. I would have said something if she had started to do that.

It was another beautiful evening of music and socializing. We sat with one couple we sit with every time we go for one of their musical evenings. That’s three times a month. The other couple has joined us several times in the past few months. They are all interesting people, and we get along well. Kate doesn’t talk much but enjoys being with the group, and she loves the music. It was a terrific way to end the day.

Posted on

Unusual Behavior Continues

Late this afternoon, I decided bring Kate’s extra clothes from the car. They included the the pair of shoes she had taken with her yesterday as well as the robe, night gown, shoes, socks, and the baseball cap. It was then that I discovered a pair of garden shoes she sometimes wears, and another 4 pair of socks. I was especially glad to see the socks as they seem to disappear over time. From time to time, I discover them in various places around the house, often just one sock.

As I would putting a pair of underwear back in its drawer, I noticed something that is not unusual (at least any more). All of the underwear I had carefully folded after washing them on Saturday were all messed up. Not a one was left undisturbed. As I say, this happens after every time I wash. Another unresolved mystery.

After coming home from dinner, Kate went brushed her teeth. She took much longer than I had expected. When she came to our bedroom, she was carrying a stack of books. One was on grandparents. Another was a book of editorial cartoons from our local paper. She also had a kaleidoscope that her brother, Ken, had given her quite a few years ago. It is made in the shape of a old airplane. She hadn’t remembered that it is a kaleidoscope. She put all of them on the night table beside the bed.

Posted on

It’s hard for a caregiver to win every time.

Last week I had someone out to the house to replant flower pots on our front porch and the patio. Since Kate has always handled these things herself, I wasn’t sure how she would take to having someone else do it for her. I decided the best way to approach it was to tell her that this was an anniversary gift to her. While we were in Asheville, the floral person took care of the pots on the front porch. This was just a small step in the process, and I hadn’t mentioned it to Kate.

This morning I noticed some trimmings around one of the pots when I turned off the porch light. As I walked back to the kitchen, I wondered if Kate had started pruning on the new plants. Then I thought that was unlikely. I got more curious as I started to leave for my morning walk and decided to check. As you know doubt predicted, she had been at work, but it was only a partial effort.

The floral person had planted a sky pencil in the center of each of the two pots to the side of the front door with some cascading plants around them. Kate had cut back half of one of the sky pencils so that one half is untouched with the other now half as tall as it was to start with.

I started to say I was frustrated by this, but that really isn’t so. I think of it as a humorous everyday occurrence. It doesn’t have any serious consequences, and it would be a simple matter to replace the whole plant. It’s possible that we won’t even have to do that. I’ll let the expert handle that; however, it’s a good illustration of the little everyday things that a caregiver, at least this one, doesn’t anticipate.

Posted on

Odds and Ends at the End of the Day

It’s been another good day for us. We didn’t do anything special. In fact, given that Kate slept until almost 11:00 and took a nap from 2:00 to 4:00 this afternoon, we’ve spent less time together than usual. We went to Barnes & Noble when she got up and from there went to dinner and back home for the evening.

At dinner, Kate looked across the table at me and said, “Tell me your name.” I said, “Would you like my full name or my first name?” She said, “The name your parents gave you.” I told her “Richard.” Then she asked my middle name. When I gave her that, she filled in the last name. She then asked me to repeat it twice more.

Leaving the restaurant we had to step down from the curb to our car. I gave her my hand which she accepted. She said, “Thank you for not thinking I am crazy.” I’m not sure what motivated it, but it appeared that she thought it silly that she was taking my hand for what seemed a simple task.

When we got home, we went to the family room where she worked on her iPad. She always likes to have the ceiling fan on but hadn’t turned it on. I was in the other room when she called to me. I went to the family room where she pointed to the ceiling fan. This was one of those times she was asking me something with her hand signals. I chuckled and turned it on. She laughed and said, “You must think I’m silly.”

As she was getting ready for bed, she called to me with a whisper from across the room. When I went to see walked over to see what she wanted, she whispered even more softly, “Are we spending the night and tomorrow night here?” Moments later as she was undressing, she asked the same question again.

She turned out the light and got into bed before 9:30. I was surprised because of all the sleep she got last night and this afternoon. I wonder if this will affect what time she gets up tomorrow.

Posted on

Off to a Good Start

Kate is in an unusually cheerful mood this morning. Since she got ready for the day, she hasn’t shown any of the slowness that she often feels in the morning. She has also teased me a little bit. In addition, she wasn’t the least bit annoyed that it took me a little bit longer to get my things together after she was ready.

On our way to Panera, she asked, “How many grandchildren do we have?” I told her and then asked if she would like me to tell her their names. She said yes, and I went through each of them as I normally do. I started to tell her about our son’s children. She asked where they live. I told her they live in Lubbock. When I mentioned that Brian, our oldest, had just finished his freshman year at TCU, she was as happy as if this were the first time I had told her. To her, it really was.

At Panera, she looked up from her iPad and said, “What is your last name?” This is becoming rather common now. I guess it is understandable since she rarely has any reason to use it whereas she does use my first name which she is also forgetting occasionally.

Today, we have a sitter coming at 1:00, so we’ll leave soon and get some lunch. It looks like another good day.

Postscript (3:15 p.m.)

Normally, I don’t tell Kate that I am about to leave and the sitter is coming. I just wait until the sitter arrives. Then I say something like, “Well, I guess it’s time for me to go to Rotary and/or the Y.” She seems to accept that without showing any great concern. Her recent comments about liking to go where I go have made me wonder if she is telling me that she would rather be with me than the sitter. On at last one occasion a few months ago, she said just that.

Anyway, my concern led me to tell her in advance that I would be going to the Y. She responded just as I hoped. She wasn’t bothered at all. She just said she would see me later. I was relieved. I consider that an additional sign of how good she has felt all day today.

Posted on

A Humorous Moment, But a Good Example of Everyday Life

We arrived at Panera about fifteen minutes ago. I forgot to charge Kate’s iPad last night, so I brought my old one for her. I turned it on and set it up for her puzzles while she got herself a drink. I placed my own iPad, the larger 12.9” model, opposite her chair. Then I went to the counter to order her muffin and our drinks. When I returned, she was trying to figure out to get her puzzles on my iPad. She couldn’t do it because she didn’t have my password. It did not surprise me that

What I think is interesting about this is that the iPad I put right in front of her was all ready to go. I thought I was making this easy for her. Instead, she chose my iPad across the table. This is just one of the many mysteries surrounding the way the brain works for someone with dementia. It is also a good example of the many daily experiences in which a caregiver attempts to prevent a problem or make things easier for her loved one only to discover it didn’t work the way you intended.