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A Bad Start, But a Great Finish

Yesterday was our first cold day of the season. That follows a lengthy period of time when our temperatures have been well above normal. Apart from the cooler temperature, it rained on and off the entire day and into the night. I don’t think the weather is likely to have affected Kate’s mood, but she didn’t begin the day as cheerfully as she has been doing lately. She was up earlier. That meant an earlier visit to Panera. After an hour she had a very dejected look on her face that made me surmise (correctly) that she was ready to go home.

On most days, she would have wanted to go directly to the yard to pull leaves. In this case, the weather prevented that. I told her I would build a fire in the fireplace and that we could pull up our chairs and enjoy the first fire of the season. She seemed to like that. We have a lot of wood that is left over from the past two years when it was much warmer than usual. The fire was going in a flash, and both of us commented on how good it felt to relax in front of the fire. After almost an hour, Kate appeared to have had enough. She got up from her chair leaving her iPad behind. She started re-arranging some of the knick knacks on the entertainment center in the living room. It was obvious she was ready for something else. I suggested we go to lunch. She accepted.

I began to think about the rest of the day. She had a facial scheduled for 4:00, and we were going to attend Jazz Night at Casa Bella at 6:00. That led me to think about her getting a manicure and pedicure. It had been a while since I had arranged that for her. I mentioned that to her on the way to lunch. She was not enthusiastic but accepted the suggestion.

We had a nice lunch at a place near our home. When we got back to the house, I called the nail shop and discovered they could take her right away; so off we went. It’s located a few doors down from Panera. While Kate was getting her nails done, I went to Panera with my laptop. She was finished about 3:15. That left us only 45 minutes before her facial. I decided that we should go back to Panera until time for her facial appointment. By this time, her mood had begun to change. She wasn’t overly cheerful, but she was not down the way she had been in the morning.

The spa where she gets her facial is a few doors from Whole Foods. I usually go there with my laptop while Kate is getting a facial or massage. About a year and a half ago, I signed her up to have a facial and a massage once a month, each about two weeks from the other. She has seemed to enjoy that. Yesterday was no exception. She was relaxed when I picked her up.

When we got home, we had less than an hour before leaving for Casa Bella. I listened to the news while she worked on her iPad. I had downloaded photos from our recent trip to Texas to her iPad. Her puzzle program allows her to create new puzzles with any of the photos. Again, she was not overly enthusiastic, but she did get a kick out of seeing the pictures. She hasn’t figured out how to select the photos and create a puzzle, but I can do that for her. After she completes each photo puzzle I have created, she selects one of the stock puzzles that come with the program. Each time she runs into a road block, I create a new photo puzzle for her. I am going to continue adding new photos to her iPad so that she will have a large selection from which I can choose.

We got to Casa Bella a few minutes after 6:00 and sat at our usual table with the parents of the owners of the restaurant. Kate and I like both of them, and last night no one else joined us at the table. That meant it was much easier to enjoy the conversation. I am sure this made the experience a better one for Kate. As I have noted in previous posts, we attend Opera Night on the first Thursday of each month as well as Broadway Night on the third Thursday of the month. Jazz Night is a new musical program that began a few weeks ago. Last night was only the second time we have attended.

The program was superb. We had heard that a clarinetist we know from the local symphony was going to be playing but nothing else. It turned out that he was part of a trio of extremely talented musicians that included a an outstanding female vocalist and a guitarist. The music consisted of many familiar ballads. We and the rest of the audience were thrilled with the performance. To top things off, we ran into several other people we know who had not attended before. That made the evening very special in a variety of ways. A day that had started out rocky ended on a high note. The events of the morning were long forgotten. Of course, that was especially true for Kate.

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Always Something New

Tonight I brought Kate’s meds to her as I do each night. She asked, “For tonight or tomorrow?” This was surprising to me because I have never given her medications at one time to be taken the next day. Sometimes I can see something that has occurred that would prompt a question like this. In this particular case, it was something new that seems “out of the blue.”

We have the evening news on TV. The big news for the past three days is the shooting at the First Baptist Church in Sutherland Springs, Texas. Virtually, every time we have had the had the news on radio or TV, we have heard reports of this horrible shooting. Kate has responded to some of the news with greater than normal interest because of her roots in Texas and the fact that our son lives in Texas. Each time, including a moment ago, the subject has come up, she has reacted as though this is the first time she has heard of the shooting. She always asks, “Where is this?” I know I must have told her as many as ten times. She is simply unable to retain it.

This prompts me to say that I have been reading some of my posts from the first ten to eleven months of 2011. One of the things that strikes me now is that some of the things about the weakness or lack of short-term memory sound identical today. It illustrates the lack of precision of my words in describing her symptoms at that time. I suspect it also reflects my own perception of how short short-term memory is. In reality, it is much shorter today, but I had not yet had the experience of the kind of short-term memory that is more appropriately called “immediate” memory.

I have always thought that the progression of Kate’s illness has been very gradual. Comparing my early posts with what I know today provides strong reinforcement for this perception. Her decline has been even more gradual than I had thought. That adds to my belief that Aricept (donepezil) and Namenda (memantine) may have been effective. Of course, there is no way to be sure since we don’t know what would have happened if she hadn’t taken them.

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More Confusion

As we were driving away from Chapultes after dinner tonight, Kate picked up a pair of sunglasses that had been in the side pocket of her door and asked if we were going to “take the same one tomorrow.” I didn’t know what she was talking about and asked if she meant the sunglasses. She said, “No, the car.” I didn’t press the issue. It sounded like she thought we were in a rental car instead of our own car.

Apart from this bit of confusion, it had been a good day. She was up early, and we were at Panera before 9:00. Today was my Rotary day; so the sitter was here at noon. For at least the third time in a row, I did not tell Kate that the sitter would be coming. She was outside working in the shrubs along the driveway when the sitter, Ella, arrived. She greeted Kate while I was still inside. She continued working on the shrubs while I gave some instructions to Ella. When I left, the two of them were together chatting as Kate did her her yard work. When I returned, I learned that they had been to Panera for a while. Kate had changed clothes; so I am sure she had come in from outside and taken a shower before they left. It’s been a good day.

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Still Thinking About a Move

It is clear that Kate has not forgotten her impression that we are moving to Texas. This past Friday I went to the counter to pay for our pizza. When I returned to the table, she was talking to a friend who had taken a seat beside her. I sat down, and the friend said, “I hear you are moving to Texas.” I simply said, “We’re talking about it.”

Before going to dinner last night, Kate walked into our bedroom with two framed pictures and put them on a bench. One was a picture of her father. I asked why she was bringing it into the bedroom. She said, “I want to take it with us.”

There are a couple of other things she has done that are strange but don’t relate to moving. One of those occurred a few days ago. She found two old travel books that are kept on a shelf in the closet of a guest room and put them on the dryer in our laundry room. Then last night after the incident with the picture frames, she walked back into the bedroom with her hands filled with her underwear and a pair of socks. I said something like, “What have you got there?’ She said, “Underwear.” Then I asked if she was looking for a place to put them. She nodded. Then I told her I thought the top drawer of the dresser in her room would be a good place. (That is where she had gotten them in the first place.) She turned around to go back to her room. This morning I too several pairs of socks from yesterday’s wash to her room. When I opened the drawer, it was completely empty of all the socks that she keeps there. Then I looked on a nearby chair. She had thrown them on the seat of the chair along with all of the underwear she had been carrying last night. Then I put everything in the appropriate drawers.

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The Value of Social Engagement and Activity

I am happy to report that Kate’s mood began to change before we left for home after our haircuts. Dawn is a big talker and a cheerful person. I believe the interaction (listening? <g>) with her as well as that among the three of us provided Kate with a needed lift.

The big change came with our evening at Casa Bella for Opera Night. The conversation was especially lively last night. I should point out that we gather around 6:00, but the program doesn’t begin until 7:00. Kate does not talk much herself, but it appears that she benefits from the stimulation of being with others. As I have mentioned in the past, we sit at the same table as the senior couple of the family that owns the restaurant. The wife, who is 92 and the daughter of the woman who started the restaurant, and her husband, who is a year older, are both delightful people.

Last night’s singers were especially talented, and the program was also very appealing. I sat across the table from Kate. That gave me the opportunity to see the expression on her face the entire time. She was just beaming, and when she applauded, she did so with gusto.

The evening reinforced my own belief in the importance of social contact and activity. I have worked hard to provide a good bit of that through eating out and our attendance at so many live performances. That, of course, represents only a portion of a day. Up until now, working in the yard and the jigsaw puzzles on her iPad have filled in the rest of the time. With the cooler weather, the leaves are not growing as rapidly. That means there is less to do outside. She is also encountering more difficulty with her iPad. This may be a time I need to look to other avenues for social connection. One of those could be to visit some of my former Sunday school class members, something I would like to do but haven’t done as much because of the time I spend with Kate. I think I could combine both of these needs.

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A Change in Mood

We have had a long string of good days over the past three weeks. We were bound to experience a change. Today is the day. I didn’t notice anything different before making our morning trip to Panera. In the car on the way over, she didn’t want me to talk. I complied. Before getting out of the car, I asked her if she wanted to know if she wanted to take her book of crossword puzzles inside. She hesitated a moment and then said she didn’t. While we were there, she was frustrated as with her jigsaw puzzles. Over the past few weeks she has had even more problems than usual but had learned to simply hand over the iPad to me to get her back where she wanted to be. Today, she was just disgusted. At one point, she gave me a look that meant she was ready to go. We got in the car to go home. As we approached the house, she asked if there weren’t somewhere else we could go. I asked if she would like to go to Barnes & Noble. She say, “Anywhere. I don’t care.” I had wanted to go by Walgreens and select some photos for printing and suggested we go together. She accepted. That really didn’t do the trick either. It did, however, pass a few minutes during which she didn’t seem frustrated or depressed.

I decided to go for an early lunch at a restaurant where we usually eat lunch on Saturday. This Saturday we have another engagement; so I thought that might be a good option for us today. The primary reason for my selection was that it is almost 25 minutes to the restaurant. I was hoping that the drive would give her time to regroup. I took my iPad in with us and showed her pictures of our recent trip to Texas. She seemed to enjoy that.

Upon our return home, she asked if she could pull leaves. I told her that would be fine. She did that for about thirty minutes and then came inside. In a few minutes, she came into the kitchen where I was working on my computer. She had her iPad under her arm. She was obviously ready to get out of the house. We got in the car and went to Barnes & Nobel and spent about 45 minutes there before leaving for our regular hair appointments. She is finishing up right now as I am writing this post. Tonight is opera night at Casa Bella. I hope that will give her a lift.

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The Sitter as Guard

201711-01 (9:01 pm).

Things continue to go well with the sitter. There are two actually, one on Monday and another who comes on Wednesday and Friday. For a variety of reasons, this is the first week that I have had someone for all three of those days. Today Mary was on duty. She had greeted Kate outside before checking in with me. I gave her a gift card that she could use if she and Kate wanted to go over to Panera. Mary went outside to be with Kate while I got myself ready to leave to donate platelets.

Before driving off, I went out to the yard to say goodbye. Kate was on the ground cleaning out a flower bed. I told her I was leaving and said, “ don’t have to worry about you, do I?” She answered emphatically, but with humor, and pointing to Mary, “No, I have a guard.” I left feeling all was well. I’m feeling good.

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Halloween in Our Neighborhood

I don’t think I have ever commented on Halloween in our neighborhood. It’s a very big deal. We moved into our house in July 1997. Not long after that, I met some of our neighbors during one of my morning walks. They asked if the previous owners of our house had told us about Halloween. They hadn’t, but they informed me of the large crowds of children that descend on our street. I appreciated the warning but still didn’t buy enough candy. I had to run out to buy more an hour into the evening. I didn’t count the trick-or-treaters, but based on the amount of candy I had bought, I guessed it to be nearly 300. It has dipped a little in years when we have had inclement weather, but it has grown tremendously since then. Last night was our biggest crowed. I estimate that we had over 800 before running out of candy at 8:15.

Prior to living in our current house, we had lived on a busy street and rarely had more than 5-10 trick-or-treaters. Knowing that Halloween would be a quite different in our new home, Kate suggested that we also offer water. I laughed and made fun of what I thought was a silly suggestion. After all, what child would want water on Halloween. Kate got the last laugh on this one. I discovered that plenty of children and their parents appreciated having water as well as candy. I estimate that about a third of the total number also have water.

The success of the water and the candy has required us (me) to focus on the logistics of serving such large numbers. First of all, we need to remain outside the entire time. There are simply too many people. There is an almost constant stream. Sometimes tey are in groups of 10, 15, or even 20. We also have to have plenty of cups, a 5-gallon water container, a table for the container and cups, and a method of dispensing as efficiently as possible, and a plan for refilling the water and supply of candy. Kate has been the dispenser of water while I take care of the candy.

That has gone rather well until the past few years when the number of trick-or-treaters reached 500 or more. This year it was clear that Kate will not be able to handle the water in the future. Indeed, I suspect that by next year, she may not even sit outside with me. If so, I will arrange for someone else to help with the water. Even before her diagnosis, she was having difficulty doing things that required a designated series of steps, like those required for fixing a meal. Thus, she had some difficulty getting water served without spilling it, pouring water in the unused cups as opposed to those that were used and then placed back on the table, locating the supply of cups even though it was in clear sight of her, etc.

The good thing is that she never displayed any sense of frustration. It took much longer to serve the water than it should have, but it didn’t bother her or the people who were waiting for water. The latter is another indicator of the importance of the water itself. They were willing to wait, often with as many as 8-10 people in line.

As we have every year in the past, Kate and I both had a good time. I am glad we had another successful Halloween although I am sad thinking that it won’t be the same next year.

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Report on our Weekend Trip to Memphis

Like our trip to Texas, our trip to Memphis was a success. It’s always good to see our grandsons. This time was no exception. The highlight, of course, was our getting to see Randy play with his high school band. Friday night we saw the band perform at halftime during their homecoming game. Saturday night we saw the last three bands in the regional band competition. We enjoyed each of them but too special pleasure in seeing Randy’s band. They competed against only one other AAAA school and won in every category. It was also nice to hear our other grandson, Ron, talk about his theater class. He is excited about upcoming tryouts for The Three Musketeers that they will perform in January.

We ate dinner after the band events on both nights. That meant that we were up later than normal. Kate handled it well. She is a real trouper. I had previously committed ourselves to stop in Nashville on the way home to visit Kate’s best friend, Ellen, who is in a memory care unit, and our friends from the University of Wisconsin and the University of Tennessee, Ann and Jeff Davis. In order to do that, we needed to leave by 10:00 if we wanted to get back home at a decent hour. Kate was sleeping soundly, but I woke her up just before 9:00 to give her time to get a shower and dressed for the trip. She got up very willingly and was ready in time to leave at 10:00.

Both visits were good ones. Ellen is declining. Her speech has been affected by her stroke a little over two years ago as well as several seizures she has had since the end of February. I think her vascular dementia is beginning to affect her now. Kate didn’t seem to pick up on this. Seeing the other people in the memory unit caused me to wonder whether it is a good thing to keep taking Kate. She doesn’t seem to notice. At least she doesn’t say anything that makes me think he feels uncomfortable. I think she just doesn’t think about her ending up in the same condition. I am glad. I wish I didn’t.

We had dinner with Ann and Jeff at their home. We have lived in different cities for the past 25 years or so; however, each time we are together we pick just as though we had seen them yesterday. At one time, Ann was Kate’s best friend. That was before she and Jeff moved to Ohio. They moved to Nashville about twenty years ago. It was a great way to end what had been a very nice weekend.

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Something New. Paranoia?

I brought Kate over the Panera for lunch before the sitter comes and I go to Rotary. I left her at a table while I ordered. When I came back to the table, she asked if I had noticed the man sitting at the table across from us. I told her that I had not paid particular attention. She said, “When we came in, he looked at us. Then he left.” Unsure of what she was trying to say, I asked, “Do you think he realized that is the table where we usually sit and got up so that we could have it?” She gave me a funny look. Then with a little hesitation, she said, “I may be wrong, but he may gotten up to do something like mess up our yard or something.”

I recall that being paranoid is a common characteristic of someone with dementia, but up until now, I don’t recall any sign of that from Kate. I wonder if this is a sign of things to come.