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First Noticeable Slip

As I had expected, Kate never wished me a happy birthday yesterday. I showed her cards from Jesse and her boys as well as a Facebook post of Kevin’s. He had posted a picture of the two of us that was taken in March when we visited former piano teacher. He added this nice message. “Happy Birthday today and Father’s Day on Sunday to my dad and my earthly hero.” Kate enjoyed seeing the cards and Kevin’s post, but she never mentioned my birthday. I suspect she never quite realized it was my birthday. Whatever the reason, it says something about her present condition and makes me sad.

Last night we went to dinner at Hathaway’s. When we got up to leave, we saw Cal and Lois Thomas sitting in a nearby booth. They asked us to sit down for a minute, and we did. We have known them since my early days on the faculty at UT. Cal was in the political science department. Their daughter, a friend of Kevin’s, died in April. We visited her in the hospital the afternoon before she died. The next day we ran into them at lunch which was just a few hours after their daughter had died. We also attended the memorial service later that week. We spoke with both Lois and Cal at that time.

That sets the stage for last night’s slip. As we prepared to leave, Kate said, Say hello, to your daughter.” There was a moment of silence. I then said that Polly had passed away. Kate showed surprise and said, “I didn’t know.” Lois then told her she had died in April. Lois is a former nurse who spent her career mostly as executive director of the Tennessee Nurses Association. I feel sure that she understood about Kate. Nonetheless, I intend to call her today to explain.

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Progress on the clothes front

As I have so often mentioned, one of my biggest challenges has involved Kate’s clothes. Recently, she has been more willing to accept my help in selecting clothes as well as my asking her to change when I think what she has selected/put on is not appropriate for the occasion. I have two examples from this morning. She met me in the family room dressed in a shirt that she wears to work in the yard and a nice pair of slacks. I suggested that the slacks were too nice for the yard. She went back to change. I went with her and found an appropriate pair for the yard. I told her I was ready to take her to Lowe’s anytime she wanted. We came back from Lowe’s about 10:30 and decided to take an early lunch. She was dressed in her yard clothes. (I thought she was not even well-dressed for Lowe’s, but I let this go.) She came in and took a shower, then changed clothes. When she was ready to go, she was wearing an old matching sweatshirt and pants. Obviously not summer attire (the high today is supposed to reach 97). They didn’t look much better than what she had on previously. I reminded her that we were going to lunch. I would have been surprised if she had remembered. I told her we should look for something else to wear. I went to our bathroom where she had hung a top before we went to Texas. Then I found the pair of slacks I had asked her not to wear in the yard. I gave them to her. She said, “This is what you want me to wear?” I said yes. She said, “Gotcha.” This is a real achievement. She offered no complaints or resisted in any way. This is progress for me, but I know this is a step back for her. I wish it could be otherwise.

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Back from Lubbock

We had a smooth trip back home on Wednesday. The only problem we encountered was that Kate left her iPad in the rental car. Unfortunately, we didn’t discover that she didn’t have it until we were already through security and settled in for lunch before our flight. I had what you might call a “false memory” experience. I was sure that I had seen her with it in her hand while we were in the security line. Had I thought about its being left in the car, I would have been less concerned because I would have thought the possibility of getting it back were greater than in the airport. As it turned out, I contacted the TSA at the security check point. They had not seen it. I also spoke with the airport lost and found office. They did not have it either. We got home assuming that we might not get it back. Yesterday morning I got a call from Avis informing me that they had found it. They sent it yesterday for delivery today.

This was a reminder of how important the iPad is to Kate. I was glad that I had mine along. She used it on the trip and continues to use it at home until hers arrives today.

Today is my birthday. Of course, Kate will not be able to remember. I did write it on our daily memo pad that I keep on the island in the kitchen. Every morning I write down all of our obligations including things that I am doing. For example, I write down the time I am going for my walk as well as my time to return, Today is a free day. We don’t have anything on our agenda. I just wrote down. “Richard’s Birthday.” It doesn’t bother me that she doesn’t remember except for its indicating something about the state of her mind. That does sadden me. It is not just that she doesn’t remember. It is when she doesn’t seem to care that is more troublesome for me.

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Going Home

This is a travel day for us. We have had a good time in Lubbock with our son and his family. Though Kate has shown some confusion, she has enjoyed herself. That is what I was hoping for.

This morning after she got up she asked me if it would be all right for her to take a shower in our bathroom. I told her I thought she should just take a shower right here. The she said, “Are they still here?” I said, “We are in Lubbock. We are staying in the Residence Inn, and we are flying back to Knoxville today. She said, “Oh.”

A few minutes later, she asked about her clothes. I gave her a pair of slacks that I had put out last night. Then I opened a drawer and pulled out a top for her to wear. She said, “No wonder I couldn’t find anything. You were hiding it from me.” This was said in a neutral tone. She didn’t appear to be seriously complaining.

She saw me packing her suitcase but didn’t say anything. It was as though this is a normal routine for us. As I indicated in an earlier post when we left Knoxville, this will make things easier for me, but it is sad to see that she is relinquishing things like this. It is a sign of her decline.

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More Evidence of Confusion

We are in our hotel room where I have been checking email, Facebook, and looking at the Alzheimer’s caregivers forum. Kate rested about 30-40 minutes. A few minutes ago she picked up her iPad. She is working on it while still in bed. She said, “I’m glad to rediscover this room.” I said, “You are?” She smiled and said, “With your help.” I didn’t pursue this. She is happy. I didn’t want to confront her with the knowledge that she was imagining she was at home. This is just one more sign of her confusion which is intensifying.

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My Bad (again)

About 15 minutes before we were to leave for Kate’s PEO meeting, I went back to her office/dressing room. I found that she had already dressed and was wearing a top that I didn’t think was suitable for her meeting. I told her I had several others she might choose from that would be better. I brought them to her, and she picked one out. I left her to change tops while I put the other two back in my closet. A few minutes later Kate came out with a totally different top that I thought was not as suitable as the one she had previously picked out. I said, “You didn’t wear the top you picked out.” She was horribly frustrated and asked, “Where is it?” She became emotional and started crying. I went to her room and picked up the top she had originally chosen and brought it to her. She continued to be upset as we drove away. I decided that I should put on some relaxing music to calm her as we drove. When I turned on the audio system, it was set on high volume and I was unable to turn it down quickly enough. She is very sensitive about sudden noises, especially loud one. I apologized. She said, “You always do that.” So this was a case of my adding insult to injury. I didn’t handle this well though my intentions were good.

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An Early Start

As far back as I can remember, I have been a morning person. For quite a number of years that has meant getting up at 5:00 on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays when I go t the Y. Over the past year or so it has meant occasionally waking up as early as 3:00 or 4:00 and not being able to get back to sleep. Over the past few days I have been sleeping until 6:00 or 6:30. This morning I wanted to sleep until that same time, but I was awake about 4:15 and couldn’t sleep. I believe this sleep problem is associated with Kate. Her behavior over the past few days has been troubling. When I woke up this morning, all sorts of things were running through my mind. Even something that seems far removed from Kate like getting my driver’s license renewed occupied my mind. My current license expires on my birthday, June 17. I could have renewed it before now, but I haven’t gotten around to it. Things like this that are not urgent get put on the back burner as I focus on care for Kate. This morning I was concerned about leaving her by herself while I go to the renewal office. That is actually a silly thing to worry about. I go to a variety of meetings, and just yesterday, I attended two funerals. I am, however, getting more concerned about leaving her alone. Given the shortness of her memory, I worry that she will forget where I am and be worried about me or need something from me

Yesterday Kate was extremely tired. She was so sleepy at the Shepherd’s Center that she wanted to leave after our first class. She was in bed resting most of the day except for the time we went to lunch. She finally got up just before I returned home from the second funeral at 6:30. She normally gets a good bit of rest, but this time she seemed especially tired. I can’t help but wonder if the trip to Asheville wore her out. That makes me concerned about our upcoming trip to Texas a week from tomorrow.