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An Early Start on the Day

We had a quiet evening after getting to Fort Worth yesterday afternoon. We had dinner at the Italian Village, a long-time favorite of Kate’s parents and of ours as well. We spoke with two of the children of the original owner. They remember Kate’s parents and their friends. It was a nice beginning to our weekend here.

We slept well until 3:15 when Kate got up to go to the bathroom. I am always concerned about this. On several occasions she has gotten up and tried to open the door to the hallway thinking she was going into the bathroom. At least once she had actually walked down the hall before I caught her. These experiences remind me of my father’s telling me that he had tied a string between his arm and my mother’s to prevent such things. I didn’t understand at the time. It is all too clear now.

It is somewhat more complicated at this particular hotel. I usually leave the light on in the bathroom and crack the door open enough to serve as a night light. At this hotel, the light only remains on for a certain amount of time. Then it clicks off automatically. For that reason, Kate struggled to find the bathroom. I told her to walk straight ahead and then open the door on her right. First, she tried to open the door to the adjoining room which is on the left. I repeated that she should turn to the right, but, of course, the door on her right was now the door to the hall. She tried that. I had the security latch on which prevented her getting to the hall. I told her again to look for the door on the right. She got it.

As usual, she was in the bathroom a long time. I began to be concerned that she might be having a problem and asked several times if she needed help. She said she was fine. Finally, she came back to bed. By this time, I was wide awake. I kept thinking about things to do and concerns about Kate and future travels and all sorts of other obligations. About 4:15, I got up and ran in place for about ten minutes. I have found that this helps me to relax once I am back in bed. It worked. I didn’t go back to sleep immediately, but I did get back to sleep. I didn’t wake up until 7:30, a rare event for me.

I got up and dressed. Then I went downstairs to see about breakfast. The hotel offers a continental takeout breakfast. I got two of those and came back to the room. Kate had gotten up. I ate my breakfast. She ate a muffin a drank her orange juice. Then she took a shower and dressed. At this point it was 8:45. She was ready to get out of the hotel room. I suggested we take our iPads and go to Sadie’s Cafe, a breakfast and lunch place that is owned by former neighbors of her parents. We were over there for an hour before coming back to our room where Kate has been resting.

We leave in 15 minutes. I have arranged for Kate to have lunch with four of her childhood friends at the home of one of them. I have repeatedly told Kate about this and the names of the people who will be there. She still couldn’t repeat them if I asked her to; however, these are people she will recognize and with whom she should Be quite comfortable. I am very optimistic about this.

While Kate is having lunch, I am picking up a former professor and taking him to lunch. He was very important in my career. He encouraged me to pursue sociology at a time when I was struggling to figure out what kind of career to pursue. We, too, should have a good time.

 

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The End of our First Day in Texas

2017-10-18 (10:01 pm)

Late this afternoon we met our friends Nancy and Charlie Hardwick. Kate had known Nancy in junior high and high school. Charlie and I had been roommates at TCU during our sophomore year. We have visited them a number of times over the years when we were in Denton where Nancy has lived for more than 28 years. This is a second marriage for both of them. Charlie was diagnosed with dementia more than five years ago. Nancy had told his friends about him several months before our 50th class reunion. That means that he and Kate were diagnosed about the same time. Either he was diagnosed later than Kate or the progression of his illness has been more rapid as he is further along on his journey. In fact, I got a text from Nancy before we met saying that Charlie would not remember us.

We met at a restaurant near their house. When we walked in, Nancy told us that when she mentioned that they were going to meet us for dinner, Charlie said, “You mean Kate Franklin?” At least he remembered her name. As we got out of the car, Kate said, “You’re going to have to do all the talking for me.” That turned out not to be true at all.

We had a delightful time with them. We simply picked up where we had left off when we last saw them two years ago. We took pictures and reminisced about our college days and exchanged information about the college friends with whom we had kept up. I believe all four of us were disappointed that we might not have this experience again. I know that Charlie and Kate will not have thought that, but Nancy and I did.

As we walked to the car, Kate said, “Were they just passing through town?” I said, “No, they live here.” She said, “Where are we?” I told her we were in Dallas (again). Despite these moments of confusion, this was one terrific day. I am sorry it is over but know there is more to come.

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Demonstrating Independence

2017-10-18 (10:09 am)

Kate had a couple of muffins and orange juice that I brought to the room this morning. Then she took and shower and dressed for the day. Because I have learned on past trips that she doesn’t know where she is when she gets up, I made a point of telling her we were at the Residence Inn in Nashville and that we would be having lunch with her cousin. After getting dressed, she said, “What now?” I told her that her cousin would be coming to get us in a little over an hour and that we had time to relax on our own until then. Then I asked if she would like to go to the hotel lobby or to Starbucks. She wanted to go to Starbucks. It is almost across the street; so we walked. As we were walking, she said, “Ask me where we are staying.” I was surprised as she had never done this before. She proudly answered “Haywood Park.” I smiled but said nothing. That is the hotel we stay in while we are in Asheville. We have stayed there many times since 2002, three times Since Memorial Day this past May.

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Emotional Moments in Denton

Kate’s cousin, Sharon, picked us up at our hotel for lunch and a couple of stops afterward that provided Kate with some very special emotional moments. First, we went to lunch where we had time for lots of reminiscing about many happy family times. Sharon is only a year or so younger than Kate, and her memory is fully in tack. She remembers with some details stories of individual family members and especially the family Christmas traditions. She told us about the three times that the entire family gathered together in three different homes of family members. They began with the exchange of presents about 10:00 at one house. Everyone dispersed to their own home after that and came back together in the early afternoon for lunch. That was followed by individual family time at their own homes. Then they came back together in the evening for light snacks and desserts leftover from lunch.

As Sharon recounted these family stories, Kate was elated. It was a touching experience for me to see how enthusiastically she listened to them. After lunch, we went back to Sharon’s house. It is filled with many items from her mother and father’s home as well as other special things from the homes of other aunts and uncles. She even has a door that came from Kate’s and Sharon’s grandparents home. It opens out to the deck on the back of the house.

Kate responded tearfully to both the things her cousin showed her as well as the things she told her. As an observer, it was touching to see the way Kate responded. Sharon brought our time together to a close with another special moment. She drove us to the home of her son and his wife to show us the dining room table and chairs that were originally in Kate’s parents’ home. I believe her parents bought them when they moved into their home in 1949. The chairs still had the original fabric on the cushions.

Sharon drove us back to our hotel where Kate rested a while before dinner. This experience is certain to be a highlight of our trip, but we have several other get togethers that I hope Kate will also view as meaningful. One of those is coming up at dinner when we are meeting a couple we have known from Fort Worth and TCU. We should have a lot of memories to discuss.

One final and interesting end to our visit occurred when Sharon dropped us off at our hotel. As we walked away from her car, Kate said, “Now who is she?” I told her that was her cousin, Sharon. This is yet another example of what strange twists can occur with this disease. I am confident that she understood who Sharon is throughout our time with her, but something happened right at the end that caused her to forget.

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Travel and Confusion

Kate and I returned home from Asheville this afternoon. Since our arrival around 2:15, she has been outside. That’s two hours. I believe this will be therapeutic for her. I was not surprised to discover that her confusion continued this morning. This is even easier to understand because she woke up in a somewhat dark room without knowing where she was. After we got beyond that, it was obvious that she was not in a cheerful mood. My morning cheerfulness and expressions of love and affection were not welcome. She wasn’t mean-spirited at all. She just wanted quiet.

When she was dressed, I took her to the lobby for breakfast. She didn’t show much interest in anything but picked up a pastry. I pointed in the direction of a table and said, “Let’s sit at that table over there.” She obviously missed that and didn’t follow me to the table. I looked around and saw that she had taken a seat at another table close to where we had been standing. I brought her over to the table where I had put her breakfast. She didn’t converse much which is not unusual at all, but she just didn’t look cheerful. After breakfast, we decided to return to Knoxville without having lunch in Asheville.

As we drove out of town, I tried to cheer her up. I said something about our having had a good time and how much we had enjoyed the hotel, the meals, and the play. She wasn’t very responsive. Once on the highway, I reached across the console and put my hand on her leg. She lifted my hand up and pushed it away.

About an hour into the trip, she was restless. I decided to take a lunch break. I didn’t want to take a long time; so I stopped at Wendy’s. I asked her if she would like a chicken sandwich or a hamburger. She said, “I don’t care. Just order for me.” We sat quietly through lunch and then continued home. Although she didn’t say much, she appeared to be in a better mood when we reached home. It is unusual for her to be in a depressed mood this long. I am eager to see how she feels when she comes in for dinner.

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Travel, Confusion, and Learning How to Address It

Kate came into the living area of the suite to which we had been upgraded. She looked very groggy and confused. I asked her if I could help her. She gave me a confused look. Then I took a more direct approach that is not like me. I said, “Let me tell you where we are. We are at the Haywood Park Hotel in Asheville, North Carolina.” She said, “Oh, yeah.” I went on to tell her that we were going back home this morning and that we had no time schedule to meet. That seemed to satisfy her. Then she asked, “Can I rest a little?” I told her that would be fine. Then she said, “If I can find where to go.” I said, “Let me show you.” Then I walked her to the bedroom.

I find that I am always learning and changing the way I approach things with Kate. My normal style is not to be abrupt or too directive. I know she does not like to be controlled. There are times like this one, however, when she is disoriented or in need of direction. In this kind of situation, I have learned enough to know that she won’t realize where she is when she wakes up when we are traveling. I can make things easier for her by simply telling her and not acting as though she does know.

Three weeks from tomorrow we leave for Texas where we will spend a week visiting family and friends. I will need to remember how important it is to provide regular information of where we are, what we are doing, etc. in order to maintain her comfort level in strange surroundings. This is more difficult than it sounds. It is amazing how easy it is to fall back on the way I have related to her over the course of our marriage. In so many respects, she continues to appear quite normal, even to me. That makes me want to respond to her in the way I would have before her diagnosis.

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Travel and Confusion

Today Kate and I drove to Asheville where we have had a very nice day. She has been in a particularly good mood. In addition, she has enjoyed everything we have done today. That includes an especially nice lunch at The Blackbird. We asked for the server who had taken care of us on our previous two visits. She remembered us and once again, remembered our drink orders. Lunch was followed by a play that she liked, An Act of God. I thought the play was well performed, but did not think the play itself was a good one. It isn’t one I would recommend. One of her qualities that has been brought out by Alzheimer’s is to be especially impressed with performers. She almost always overstates their talent. I believe that is what impressed her today. I don’t think she could follow most of what was happening in the play itself. The important thing to me is that she really enjoyed herself. When the play was over, she said, “Wow!”
She has likes the hotel in which we are staying. We have stayed here a number of times. It’s a nice place and in a good location downtown. The woman working the front desk has been with the hotel since they opened and has been at the front desk each time we have arrived. This time she arranged an upgrade to a much larger suite than we usually have. It is certainly something we don’t need, but it is nice that she did this. It keeps us coming back.

In the midst of her enjoyment, Kate has been confused on where we are. As we got to the theater this afternoon, she said something that I can’t remember, but it implied that she thought it was in Knoxville. A little later when we reached the hotel, she asked, “Now tell me where we are.” I told her we were in Asheville. A few minutes later, she asked the name of the hotel. I told her. The second I told her Asheville and the hotel name she said, “Oh, I knew that.” I am sure she did. She just couldn’t call it.

One other moment of confusion occurred just before we went to dinner. She had just brushed her teeth and came back into the bedroom with the toothpaste and two packets of towelettes in her hand as though she were ready to pack up for home.

Right after returning from dinner, she came into the bedroom after brushing her teeth. This time she wasn’t carrying anything. She looked puzzled. I asked if she were looking for her night gown. She didn’t answer. Then she saw that the housekeeper had put a robe on each bed. She said, “Oh, here it is.” Then I got her night gown for her. She has now settled into bed with her iPad. She is very contented, and so am I. She just turned out her light. I think I will get ready to take my shower.

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Travel Report Chautauqua 2017

Today was our last day at Chautauqua. It was probably our last time here together. That thought has saddened me deeply today. At various times during the day (sitting on the porch for breakfast and checking email, walking the brick walk to and from the Hall of Philosophy, having lunch at La Familia and dinner at the Afterwards Cafe) I have thought, “This is the last time we will experience this together.”

Even with the sadness, I believe that I made the right decision to come this year and to leave after only one week. Today was another good day for us, but Kate was worn out last night. She was in bed at or before 9:00 last night and didn’t get up until about 11:00 this morning. Not only that but between lunch and the 2:00 lecture, she went back to bed. I had to get her up to attend the lecture. She would have preferred staying in bed but got up anyway, something that she has been doing for the past 6-12 months. Prior to that, it was very difficult to get her up. She gets up much more quickly now.

Returning from the 2:00 lecture at the Hall of Philosophy, she walked even more slowly than usual. We stopped by the apartment for a short time and then went to see the play “Noises Off.” Again, she walked very slowly to and from the play. She seemed to enjoy the play despite the fact that it is a farce. She generally doesn’t like that type of humor. This is something we have seen three other times. She enjoyed it each of those times.

It is almost impossible for me to imagine coming back with her if she declines as much in the upcoming year as this past year. There would be problems on multiple fronts. Just the travel itself would be trying. I know that it would be difficult for her to enjoy herself once we are on the grounds. That would affect my enjoyment as well. I would need to have help to take care of her. That can be arranged here. My contact at the Chautauqua Foundation has indicated that she could help in that regard. At the moment, I feel that it would be best not to come at all. It may be that it would work out for me during the following year although everything depends on Kate. It is simply too early to be planning anything too specific.

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Irritability

For a long time Kate has teased me about trying to control her. It has always been tinged with a note of seriousness. Yesterday she expressed clear irritation with me. It happened as we were returning to our apartment here at Chautauqua from the afternoon lecture. She began as though we had already been having a conversation. That has happened before. She believes we have talked about something but haven’t. Her first references to a move to Texas.

This time she started very diplomatically. She said she wanted to tell me something, but she didn’t want to make me mad. I told her I wouldn’t get mad. She then said that I don’t consider how she feels about things, that I simply go ahead and make decisions for her. She illustrated that by noting that when she says, “I am hungry” I will say, “How can you be hungry. You just ate a while ago?” What surprised me most is that is a good recollection of a number of experiences we have had. In fact, it happened yesterday before we attended the afternoon lecture. At that time, it had been slightly over an hour since we had eaten lunch.

From this she continued to tell me other ways in which I tried to control her. At least one of those was something I had never done. I can’t recall what that was, but her mention of it reinforced my thinking that she had imagined some events or things. At the same time, she was also responding to something that is genuine. I do find myself taking charge of more things. I try, however, to let her be as independent as I can. One of my challenges is that there are some things that she is happy for me to do. In addition, there are some occasions when she is happy for me to do something that on other occasions she would resent.

I will need to be even more sensitive about these things in the future, but I am sure I will stumble along the way. I am taking this experience as one more indicator of the transition we are going through.

I am also asking myself. How much is my desire to take trips like this one to Chautauqua rooted in my own personal desires versus what I believe she would like. I think it is a combination of both.

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Confusion

For the third night in a row, Kate has not known where we are. We were at dinner at the Brick Walk Cafe. Kate was facing where she could see Bestor Plaza and all the people outside. I said, “I guess tonight you know where we are.” She hesitantly said, “At home?” I told her we were at Chautauqua. She was pleased. She obviously hadn’t remembered our being here. Memory problems are so interesting. She clearly remembers Chautauqua. The mention of the name brings out good thoughts, but she is unable to recognize that we right here on the grounds.

This fits with my suspicion that while we were in Lubbock in June, she never remembered where we were. Knowing this makes me wonder whether or not we should make any further travel plans. If she were showing signs of distress, I would clearly not consider traveling. As it is, she does have moments of pleasure every place we go. Much of the time she doesn’t express a lot of enthusiasm, but it comes out periodically. She liked the morning speaker. She didn’t say anything about the afternoon speaker. That was one that I didn’t enjoy myself.

The only other trip that is in my planning right now is the trip to Fort Worth for homecoming. That is around October 19. There are two reasons that I would like to make the trip. The first is that I expect that this will be her last trip home. Second, it will be her only opportunity to see a grandchild at TCU. Our oldest will be a freshman in September. Kevin and his family as well as Kate’s brother and his wife are also planning to be there. It just seems like an important trip to make. At the moment, I have hotel reservations but haven’t done anything else to prepare for the trip. I’ll wait another month to make a go or no go decision. Even then I will be prepared to cancel if necessary.