A lot happened yesterday, and I know I won’t be able to capture all of the relevant things I would like. That’s probably a good thing. I’ve always admired people who seem to be able to recall the details of their experiences during a day. I’ve never been particular good at that, but I’ll try.
I need to back up to Sunday. That afternoon Kate took a two-hour nap. I finally woke her up and suggested we go to Barnes & Noble. I was concerned that she might not be able to get to sleep that night. It turned out that I was right. She was in a talkative mood at bedtime. I don’t know when she got to sleep. I know she was awake about 11:30. That concerned me because I knew we planned to drive to Nashville yesterday morning to have lunch with our friends Ann and Jeff Davis before paying a visit to Kate’s very close friend, Ellen, who is now in a memory care facility.
Kate surprised me. I knew that she was awake when I got up at 6:00, but I expected that she would go right back to sleep, and I would have to wake her to get ready. Instead, I heard her getting ready about 7:30. This was another time that I had gotten our bathroom ready for her shower only to find that she had gotten up earlier and showered in another bathroom.
She had already picked out the pants she wanted to wear. I went to her closet and picked out three tops and let her choose the one she liked best. I also put out her shoes and socks. When she came out ready to go, she was wearing a golf shirt that must have been mine by the size of it. It fit her like a tunic and had TCU emblazoned on the shirt pocket. She was also wearing shoes and socks that were not the ones I had picked out and didn’t match as well. I didn’t say anything about the shirt, but I did bring her the shoes and socks. She didn’t complain at all and simply changed them.
Before leaving, I mentioned that we were going to have lunch with the Davises. She frowned and said, “You’ll have to tell me something about our children that I can tell them.” I mentioned a few things. We both realized this wasn’t going to work. She said, “You’ll just have to do the talking.” I should emphasize that she wasn’t upset about visiting with the Davises; it was her own insecurity about her memory. This is another good illustration of how long into this journey she has been able to recognize her problem and to be insecure about it. She exhibited a similar reaction after our visit with Ellen.
As it turned out, the conversation with the Davises went very smoothly. A lot had happened since our last visit, so Kate didn’t get put on the spot to say anything about our children. They asked about our children, and I answered for her. It was a nice visit.
From there we went to Ellen’s. We found that she had declined noticeably since we saw her three weeks ago. We could understand very little of what she said. We also found she is beginning to exhibit a few of the symptoms that accompany dementia. One of those occurred shortly after we arrived. I had taken a DVD of Les Miserables. I had intended to play a portion of it later in our visit, but communication was so difficult that I put it on not long after got there. Initially, Ellen was quite interested. She was even a little disturbed when some of the staff were talking loudly and made it more difficult for us to hear. Then she turned around in her wheel chair and started to leave the room. I asked where she was going. Through a few words that I could pick up and her gestures, including touching her hair, I discovered that she thought she had an appointment with the hair dresser. I checked and found that the hair dresser doesn’t come until Wednesday. Then Ellen wanted us to go back to her room where we spent almost the entire visit.
Once we reached her room, I got out my iPad and opened the YouTube app, and we had an hour-long “concert” of music performed by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. That was a winner. She and Kate became engrossed in the music. We only stopped when it was near the time for us to leave, and Ellen wanted to use the bathroom. I called one of the attendants to help her and closed up the iPad.
As we walked to our car, Kate said, “I’m so sad.” She was disturbed to see Ellen had changed. She also seemed to be concerned that the staff had no awareness that Ellen was a musician (singer, pianist, choir director, and TV producer). We had mentioned this to someone the last time we were there, but, of course, the message doesn’t get around to everyone. Then Kate said, “I’m so glad I have you to take care of me.” I don’t know exactly what was going on in her mind. It sounded like she was thinking about herself and happy that she was at home under my care. In the car, she expressed her appreciation to me. She said, “I couldn’t get along without you. Well, I could get along, but it wouldn’t be the same.” She paused and said admittingly, “I really couldn’t get along without you.” She displays far more awareness of her situation and other people than I would have expected at this stage.
We capped off our day by eating at the same place we had eaten the last time we visited Ellen. It’s a bit fancier and pricier than what we are accustomed to but made for another special time together. I had a delicious sangria followed by an Ahi Tuna entrée. Kate had grilled trout that was quite good. She said it as “OK,” but she ate all of it along with the creamed spinach that came with it. We topped it off with a calorie-laden bread pudding.
The trip home was uneventful. That’s a good thing. It was another good day for us.
