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Still Many Good Times

Quite often I say that things are going well but mention all the many things that are the signs of Alzheimer’s that Kate experiences. Today I want to do something that I should do more of – report on a really upbeat moment. This morning I came home directly from the Y instead of dropping by my office. I did so because I wanted to make sure that Kate was cleaning up the guest room for Kevin who arrives at 5:00 pm this afternoon. As it turned out, she was working on her room and getting ready to work on the guest room where he will stay. I walked over to her, smiled, gave her a hug and said, “You’re getting things cleaned up for your little boy.” She said, “And for me as well.” It was just as normal a moment as we can have.

At 11:35, she came into the kitchen where I was working. She had dressed and looked ready for lunch. She asked what time it was. When I told her she said, “No wonder I’m so hungry.” We then went over to Applebee’s for lunch. We asked for our favorite server and sat at one of her tables. We enjoyed a brief conversation with her off and on throughout our time there. The meals were good. After we finished eating and paying, we just sat there another 15 minutes or so chatting, something we don’t do as much of nowadays. Just like the moment we shared in her room as she was cleaning, this was a simple but pleasurable moment in our day. It is these experiences that help both of us.

This follows Broadway night at Casa Bella last night with two other couples we have known from church. It appeared to be a good evening for all – at least it was for Kate and me. She really enjoyed herself. I was happy about that because we were with some big talkers, and Kate was a bit overshadowed. The two singers were people we have seen in several different productions at one of our local theaters. I doubt that Kate remembered that, but it added a nice touch to the evening. The entertainment and the company were everything we could have wanted. I have already requested reservations for next month.

These are just some of the experiences that make me feel very grateful even though we are facing rougher days ahead.

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Feeling Good

The past week has been good. More specifically, Kate has been much less irritable. Indeed, she has shown hardly any signs of irritability. It hasn’t been just the lack of irritability but genuine expressions of affection during the week. Even as I say this I have to add that it is not as though she doesn’t regularly express affection. It is that I have seen her irritability with me replaced with more affectionate responses.

The interesting thing to me is what a difference it can make in the feelings of a caregiver. It has enabled me to experience less frustration and derive more enjoyment of being with her. Even moments when I needed to encourage her to get ready for us to be someplace have been dealt with more like pre-Alzheimer’s days.

Yesterday we both had an affectionate experience at the same time. We were in the car driving home from Lowe’s. I turned on a CD by Ronnie Milsap. He was singing “What a Difference You’ve Made in My Life.” I have heard this song many times in the past, but for the first time I thought about our relationship and what a difference she has made in my life. Then she said (without my saying anything to prompt her), “You know, that ought to be our theme song.” I told her I had been thinking the same thing. We then talked about the coincidence of our reflecting on the song and our relationship but had never done so before.

To me it is clear that Kate’s Alzheimer’s affects both of us in ways that are directly obvious to others. I have found another song sung by Linda Eder called “If I Should Lose My Way.” The line in the song is “If I should lose my way, please look for me.” I have taken that as though it were a message from Kate to me and that she is losing her way.

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Thoughts Niagara-on-the-Lake and Chautauqua

As we come to the end of our week at Chautauqua, we are a bit sad to leave. I don’t recall ever feeling any other way. This is clearly the most special place for us. Despite losing Kate three times, I have made arrangements to come back next year. This time for two weeks. I am influenced by several factors. First, this year’s visit has gone well. Second, Roger Rosenblatt will once again host a week with his “friends.” This is Kate’s favorite week. We have been here twice before when he has hosted this week. Third, lodging space is going fast, and I found a very convenient place a short distance from the Amp and across the street from the Brick Walk Café. In addition, it is on the first floor. Finally, I am able to purchase trip insurance that would I cover the cost of the two weeks if we are unable to make it.

Chautauqua will be our last holdout. I do not plan to cease coming until it really is impossible to do so. One of the things that will influence me in that decision is how to handle trips to the restrooms. That would be difficult in airports when she is unable to take care of herself. The same would be on the grounds here at Chautauqua.

Right now I can’t predict what she will be like next summer or in May when we are booked for a cruise from Rome to Amsterdam. At this point, I have found the risks involved in planning for such things are minimal. I suspect I will have a much better sense by the end of February when I have to make my next decision about the cruise. I can cancel without any financial cost before that time.

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Last Day In Interlaken

Yesterday was another special day. We went paragliding. I had planned for us to make a day trip to Bern, but I had been watching the paragliders float down to the Village Green since our arrival on Monday and wanted both of us to try it. Wednesday night I began to think of paragliding and saving the trip to Bern for the time we are in Zurich. That is what we did. Kate was also interested and never expressed any reservations. It turned out to be a wonderful experience. Each of us went with a separate pilot who asked if we wanted “to do the roller coaster.” What a thrill that turned out to be. Paragliding could well be the highlight of the trip.

One of the behavior changes I have observed in Kate over the past year or so is the use of very large amounts of parmigiana cheese on her Italian food. Last night for the first time, I observed an extreme form of this. After her ravioli was gone, she simply picked up a spoon and ate several spoonfuls directly from the bowl. I did not tell the waitress about this but she could see that it had spaghetti sauce in the bowl with the cheese. Someone had told me she used to carry a card to give to the waiters telling them something that would explain any unusual behavior on the part of her husband who had dementia. I can easily see the need for this in our future.

Something else that I am more mindful of is her need to rest. Although she seems to do well when we are out for long periods of time as we have been the past 3 days, she grabs every chance she gets to lie down. For example, after taking her shower this morning, she immediately got back into bed. She got up in 15-20 minutes and got dressed for breakfast? When we returned to the room, she got back into the bed where she remained for 20-30 minutes. We both packed for our trip to Lucerne and were about to go to the lobby to pass a little time before leaving when she decided to rest a little before going. She is now in bed under the covers.

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Geneva

I am feeling much better today than yesterday morning when I felt that I was having to work too hard to make the trip a good one and that it was not paying off. Simply visiting St. Peter’s Cathedral where Calvin was the preacher in the mid-1500s, having a nice lunch in the old town, and then going to Annecy made the day. Kate loved it. We did it leisurely.

At the moment we are taking a break at the room after going to Starbucks for breakfast and stopping by the train station to confirm the schedule to Montreaux tomorrow. Kate needs the breaks. This is not something that has occurred just here but also in the U.S.

While I feel good now, the trip has confirmed my opinion that we can’t do this again. I’m not even sure that a cruise would work though I am not ready to rule it out. I will first have to see how the summer trips to NYC and Chautauqua go as well as the Christmas trip to Texas.

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Good Times

The past few days have been busy ones but full of good experiences. On Friday we went to Nashville to visit the Greeleys. We both enjoy them. Scott had just arrived home from a class in which he was showing his photos from their trip to Africa last September. It was a dreary, rainy day. We had lunch that Jan had prepared; so we didn’t worry about going out until dinner. We didn’t get home until after 9:30, but the trip had been well worth it. Kate still gets along well in situations like this. She does occasionally make slips when she is talking, but I believe I am the only one who would know it. For example, she told a story of her trip to Mexico City when she was in high school. She mixed in a story from our trip to Colombia in 1976. She said she had asked the wife and mother of the family she was staying with where the maid lived and was taken to a small room off the kitchen. This is something that actually happened when we arrived at our place in Cali, Colombia.

Saturday morning we went to the regional auditions for The Metropolitan Opera. This was our first time to do this, and I wasn’t sure that Kate would want to stay for the whole thing. She enjoyed it so much that we stayed right through the announcement of the winners around 4:30. It had started at 10:00. It was a wonderful day of entertainment. These were extremely accomplished singers from 15 states and 1 from Canada. We also saw a number of people (8-10) we know. It was fun to talk with them during breaks.

Last night we attended a concert by a European opera company that has been coming to Knoxville for the past 5 years or so. They had several singers who performed highlights from operas by Rossini, Puccini, and Verdi. It was outstanding. Once again, Kate loved it. Our seats were on the second row, and there was no one sitting on the front row. We both like to be close; so this added to the pleasure of the evening.

The only down side of the day was the short time after we had come home from the auditions and before we left for dinner and the concert. We didn’t have much time, and Kate decided to change clothes. At one point when I felt she needed to know that it was time to leave, I started back to her room and started to gently ask how she was coming along. She shouted at me, “Leave me alone. Don’t say anything.” When she came out, he was wearing something old that was fine, but she could have been wearing one of her new clothes we had bought. By the way, that morning before the auditions, she had told me, “I’ll be ready when I get ready. Don’t say anything.” We had a similarly tense moment this morning getting ready for church. The moments when we are trying to get ready continue to be the most challenging one’s for both of us.

As we were going eat lunch today, she pointed to a couple walking a dog along the street. She said, “Now look at that couple.” I then said, “Have you seen them at Panera?” She gave me a dirty stare. The reason I asked is that she commonly asks me to look at someone in a restaurant like Panera Bread. Then she tells me she wants me to remember them because she has seen them before. I don’t know whether or not she has seen them before, but this kind of behavior on her part is new within the last year or so. It happens pretty frequently.

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On Stage

Yesterday afternoon we went to a performance of Five Guys Names Moe at a small local theater. We were seated on the front row and the entire audience numbered about 20. During the final number in the first act, the actors invited members of the audience including Kate to join them in a conga line and they danced around the room. She joined in with little hesitation and seemed to enjoy it. During the first part of the second act, a member of the cast grabbed her hand and walked her up to the stage. Other cast members brought two other women up as well. Then the three were asked to take a seat in chairs set up on the front center of the stage. Kate sat in the middle. A cast member asked each one two questions: “What is your name?” and “Are you here with your husband or a date?” Kate spoke right up and in a loud (not too loud) voice said, “”Kate.” To the next question she said, “”My husband of 52 years.” We have actually been married 51 years, but I know where she got 52. We were in a discussion several weeks ago. I had said we had been celebrated our 51st anniversary in May and were now in our 52nd year. In an email earlier today, I mentioned this account to my friends, Tom and Carl. They wondered whether she had been more at ease because of the small audience. I told them I didn’t think so but that I do think she is a little less inhibited now which I believe is a function of her Alzheimer’s.

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Good times at CHQ

We arrived at Chautauqua last evening just in time to walk to The Amphitheater for the night’s entertainment. A Swedish group performed the music of ABBA whose music was featured in the movie and stage production of Mamma Mia. We enjoyed it, Kate especially. I told her I had never seen her express the same degree of enthusiasm for the Knoxville Symphony.

We got to bed later than usual because the performance wasn’t over until nearly 10:00. This was three nights in a row. It was hard for Kate to get up. It was 9:00 before she got to breakfast. After breakfast, she went back up to the room to rest some more. I have noticed that over the past year or so she has been sleeping more. Usually that involves going to bed as early as 8:00; so the change in the schedule really affects her.

It has been a good day here. She has enjoyed herself but has been hot and is resting in bed right now. We had lunch with friends from Long Island and ended up spending most of the afternoon with them. I noticed that Kate gives some misinformation or fails to pick up on things in our conversations. I know this is one of those things that will only get worse.

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Another Good Father’s Day

Yesterday was a good day for everyone. Taylor slept until after 10:00 am, and Kate worked in the yard most of the morning. I read the paper, caught up on email, and wrote an entry in this journal. Taylor and I played in the pool for about an hour. We had lunch at Panera’s and got ice cream at Marble Slab afterwards. We came back home where Kate and Taylor worked puzzles for a while before we went back in the pool until time for dinner. We came home and watched the Spurs beat the Heat to win the NBA championship for the second time in a row. Last year we watched the final game in Jackson Hole where we celebrated our 50th anniversary.

Kate did not say anything about its being Father’s Day, but she did realize when Jesse called, and later we talked with Kevin. As we drove back from dinner, she said, “I hope you’ve had a nice birthday.” I told her that I get to celebrate twice this week, today for Father’s Day and Tuesday for my birthday. I am not sure she understood. When we got into bed last night, she said, “Happy Birthday.” The only sadness I feel about her is that it is another sign of her continuing deterioration.

A couple of other things are illustrative of her condition. She asked me several times yesterday what time we would leave for Charlotte today (to take Taylor to the airport). I wouldn’t be surprised if she doesn’t ask again this morning.

As we were about to leave Panera’s yesterday, she asked if we could drive home the other way to show Taylor. I told her we could. After we had gone a short way, Taylor said, “How far is it?” She said it was not far, just a little bit farther than the usual way. (I watched the odometer and noticed that it is 2 miles farther.) When we passed Panera’s, Taylor asked, “Did we just go in a circle?” Kate answered, “Well, . . . you might say that.” Then she asked me if that is correct. I told her it was. What was interesting was that Taylor at age 11 very quickly observed that we just went in a circle, but she had not and had to check with me to confirm it.

I continue to be pleased that she enjoys the grandchildren so much and will definitely be thinking about some kind of plans for us to get together over the next year and next summer.

Our yard is looking better all the time. This is another thing from which she can derive satisfaction. I love it because it gives her something productive to do, and I love the beauty she has created. She doesn’t always do things the way I would (if I did them at all), but overall she makes the yard look more beautiful. That makes both of us happy.

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Fun with the Texas Grandson

Now that the twins have gone we are down to one grandson, but the fun continues. Kate has always, and continues, to enjoy being around the grandchildren. This year is no different. We had a good day with Taylor yesterday. We swam in the morning, went to Chick-fil-A for lunch, saw a movie, had ice cream at Marble Slab, came back home for another swim, went to dinner, and topped off the day with a game of Battle which he won.

The enjoyment that Kate has gotten from the grandchildren is making me think more seriously of planning something for next summer even if we don’t have them one at a time. The reason I am not considering having them one at a time is that I am not sure that I can handle both Kate and the grandchildren. On the other hand, if she is still as easy to care for as she is now, we could do it another summer.

We loved the movie yesterday. At least I did. Taylor said he thought it was interesting. Kate wasn’t taken with it at all. It was Million Dollar Arm. It is about a sports agent who brings a couple of guys from India to the US to learn how to pitch. It is based on a true story, but Kate did not realize it until the end when they showed the real people. I had read her the description of the movie before going, but not surprisingly she didn’t get the part about the “true” part. I never thought to emphasize that to her. In fact, I didn’t think of that as a critical part. It was just a good story. This is the kind of thing that happens every day. I try to prepare her for things, but I just can’t anticipate what is going on in her mind. Nevertheless, I always try to think what I could have done to avoid confusion. It is similar to her panic when she couldn’t find me at Great Wolf the other day. I never thought she would be confused about my whereabouts, or I would have clearly told her I was going with the grandchildren and would be back. I thought she heard the conversation and saw me leave. It is a sign that she is not even listening much of the time. It must be such a strain trying to follow everything that is said and going on. She just tunes out.