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More Signs of Memory Loss and Confusion

For quite some time I have been reporting Kate’s difficulty remembering names and places as well as her confusion. That makes it a challenge for me to convey how she is different now than in the past. Perhaps the best way is for me to say that I don’t think she is on a plateau but gradually declining with respect to both her memory and confusion. There have been two occasions in the past few days that particularly struck me. One of those occurred yesterday morning.

Although it was not a day for the sitter, I wanted her to get up before noon so that she could get ready without my rushing her. I also wanted us to have a relaxed lunch before her 2:00 appointment for a massage. About 10:00, I put on some music to help wake her. It was 10:45 before I tried to get her up. She opened her eyes when I sat down on the bed. She smiled and waved to me with her hand. I asked about her getting up for lunch. She said she didn’t want to get out of bed that she was too comfortable and relaxed. I didn’t leave her bedside. We began a conversation that was one of those I take as a sign of a new stage of her decline. Let me try to capture some of flavor of our conversation.

KATE:            What’s your name?

RICHARD:    Richard.

KATE:             No, your full name.

RICHARD:    Richard Lee Creighton.

KATE:             Say it again.

RICHARD:    Richard Lee Creighton

KATE:             Let me say it. Richard. (unable to remember the rest) What’s your name again?

RICHARD:    Richard Lee Creighton.

KATE:            What’s my name?

RICHARD:    Kate Franklin Creighton

KATE:            That sounds right. What’s your name?

RICHARD:    Richard Lee Creighton.

KATE:            Say it again slowly.

RICHARD:   Richard Lee Creighton.

KATE:            What’s my mother’s name?

RICHARD:   Elizabeth Franklin. Does that sound familiar?

KATE:            No. Did you know her?

RICHARD:    Yes, and she was a very special lady.

KATE:            (Looking surprised) Is she gone?

RICHARD:   Yes, she died 13 years ago, but she lived a long life. She was 90 when she died.

KATE:            What’s your name?

RICHARD:   Richard Lee Creighton.

KATE:            What are you to me?

RICHARD:    I am your husband.

KATE:            (Surprised) You are? What was I thinking? (joking)

RICHARD:    Yes, and we have two children. Our daughter is 50.

KATE:            How old am I?

RICHARD:    You’re 77, but you will be 78 in less than a month.

We talked like this for 15-20 minutes before I said I would be glad to help her out of bed. She didn’t want to, but she let me get her up and take her to the bathroom. While she was showering, she asked my name, her name, and the nature of our relationship. As I noted before, she asked these things without any sign that she was disturbed. She just couldn’t remember them and wanted me to tell her.

We went to lunch at Panera. While we were there she asked some of these questions again as well as “Where are we?” By the time we finished eating, she quit asking all of the questions. I don’t know that is because she remembered or she was wrapped up in her puzzles. On the way home from her massage, she called me by name.

As in one other experience like this she tended to accept that I was her husband but my telling her did not bring back any memory of that. Neither did my name. Not only that but the duration of her confusion lasted longer than usual. More subjectively, it also seems that the way she looked and expressed herself seemed like it was much harder for her to make sense of everything.

We spent two hours at home before going to jazz night at Casa Bella. During that time she seemed quite normal. She didn’t ask any names. She did ask for help with her puzzles several times.

As always, she enjoyed the evening at Casa Bella. She was somewhat more talkative and confident. When we got there, we saw the couple that we went to Flat Rock with last week. We quickly got into two separate conversations. The husband and I talked while Kate talked with his wife. I wish I could have participated in both conversations because Kate was very animated and engaged. She continued to be talkative after we got to our regular table. It was a little noisier last night, and it was harder for her to understand what people were saying. As she has done in recent situations like this, she kept asking us to repeat what we were saying. I really feel for her at times like this. She was ready to participate, but she couldn’t follow what we were talking about.

On the way home, she asked where we were going. I told her we were going to our house. She was surprised and said, “How can we do that?” I told her we were already in Knoxville. That was another surprise for her. When I asked where she thought we were, she said she didn’t have any place in mind. She was pleased to be going home. In a few minutes, she asked where we were going to stay. Again, I told her we would stay in our own home.

When we drove down our driveway, she was puzzled. Then the garage door opened, she said, “Oh, I recognize this.” Once inside she followed me back to the bedroom. She started to close the door to the family room. I told her she could leave it open, that we were the only ones here. She said, “That’s a shame.” She was looking at our house as a hotel or some other form of lodging and not our home. She wished other people could be here to enjoy it. Apart from that confusion, she seemed very normal and showed no sign that she didn’t know me.

At 6:00 this morning she got up to go to the bathroom. I went around to her side of the bed to help her as I have been doing recently. I was surprised that she didn’t sound either groggy or confused. She didn’t want my help getting out of bed or walking her to the bathroom though I did walk with her. She said, “I really didn’t need you but thank you.”

After walking back to her side of the bed, she said, “I just want to look out here a minute.” She was looking at our back yard. She said, “It’s beautiful. They’ve thought about everything.” She still thought she was staying some other place than our home. Then she got in bed. The timing of her trip to the bathroom was just right this morning. It was about two hours later than yesterday. That suits me better. I had had a good night’s sleep.

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An Interesting Day

Yesterday was a good, but not typical day. Kate was up quite early. I saw a light on in the hallway outside our bedroom about 7:35. She had been to the bathroom and was looking for her clothes. This early start enabled us to get to Panera before 9:00. This was the first time we had been there in the morning in almost two weeks.

It was also a day when she drifted back and forth between knowing me as her husband and not. Soon after I saw that she was up, I said, “Happy Anniversary.” She laughed, and I reminded her it was 57 years ago that we went on our first date. She said, “Only you would remember that.” She asked my name and hers two or three times while we were at Panera. She asked rather casually without any sign that she was working to remember. She just wanted to know.

The fact she was up so early meant there was no need to let Mary get her up and dressed when she came at 1:00. We’ll wait until another time for that. Kate greeted Mary very naturally and warmly when she arrived. The only indication of concern she expressed was when I said I was going to the Y. She said, “What am I going to do?” I told her that she and Mary could watch a DVD or go to Panera. She expressed interest in a DVD. I put on Les Miserables. They were watching as I left.

When I got home, they were still watching. Kate was relieved to see me and indicated she was ready to get out of the house. After Mary left, I asked Kate if she missed me. She said yes and got tears in her eyes. We got ready to leave for dinner.

On the way to dinner and several times while at the restaurant, Kate said she was very tired and wouldn’t last long after getting home. She frequently says that and then gets her second wind after dinner. That’s what happened last night.

When we returned home, she got out of the car and asked, “Where are we going now?” I told her we were going into our house. She liked that. Once inside, she commented on how much she liked the place. After taking her seat in our bedroom, she said, “We’ve been here before, haven’t we?” I told her we had. A few minutes later she said, “What is this place?” I told her it was our house.  She said something about its being “conveniently located.” After another minute or two she said, “You’re a good traveler.” I asked what made her say that. She said, “You know how to get here.”

She was having trouble working her puzzles about 9:00. I suggested she get ready for bed. She wanted to know what she should do. I brought her night clothes to her and got her to the bathroom before she went to bed. She was a bit confused and needed my help all the way.

Just after 4:00 this morning, she wanted to go to the bathroom and asked me where it is. I got up and walked her there. She also wanted to brush her teeth and was back in bed in a few minutes. When we got back in bed, she said, “Who are you? My husband?” I said, “Yes.” She didn’t say anything more and didn’t go to sleep right away. She started running her fingers through her hair. She approaches this as though it is a chore. She evens says, “I’m working on my hair.” In a few minutes I said, “Don’t you want to go back to sleep?” She asked if I wanted her to stop. I told her she could stop if she wanted to. She said, “Oh, thank you.” with a sound of great relief. It wasn’t long, however, before she started again. She stopped a few minutes later. She was asleep when I got up at 4:50.

This is one of several times recently when she has gotten up between 4:00 and 5:00. I’m beginning to wonder if this is going to be a pattern. If so, I may need to get to bed a little earlier since it is hard for me to go back to sleep. For many years I have gotten up around 5:00, so it doesn’t bother me to get up about that time; however, I started getting up around 6:00 I when I stopped walking in the morning. To make that work I have been getting to bed later than I used to. I might need to make another adjustment.

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More Success with the Sitter

About three weeks ago, we got a new sitter on Mondays. She replaced the previous one who was experiencing her own health issues. I asked the agency to send the new sitter an hour earlier on her first day so that I could get acquainted with her and give her instructions about Kate and her care. I liked her immediately. When Kate met her, she felt the same way.

I felt so comfortable with her that the following week I left before getting Kate up. That left Valorie to get her up and help her with her shower, dressing, and taking her to lunch. That has taken a big psychological load off of me. Prior to that I sometimes had to rush Kate to get up and ready for me to take her to lunch before the sitter arrived. Now I don’t have to get her up at all.

I have been surprised and pleased by the way Kate has handled this change. In fact, I don’t think she has been aware of it. That’s the sad part. On the other hand, she likes Valorie. When I told her this past Monday that I was leaving and that Valorie would help her with her shower and getting dressed, she was perfectly at ease. That makes me feel comfortable about leaving.

Now I am beginning to wonder how Kate would respond to Mary who comes on Wednesday and Friday. Would she feel as comfortable accepting her help with those same things? I think so and am willing to try it. The difference is that Mary arrives at 1:00 instead of 12:00. That means Kate is more likely to be up and showered by the time Mary arrives. Whatever the future holds, I feel good about both of our sitters.

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Sleep, Memory Issues, and Confusion

We had no special obligations yesterday, so I let Kate sleep a little later. When I checked on her about 10:30, she opened her eyes. I asked if she were ready to get up. She wasn’t. I got her up shortly after noon. She wanted to sleep longer but got up anyway without making a fuss. As she has done on a couple of other occasions recently, she got up, showered, and dressed reasonably quickly. It was still almost 2:00 when we left for lunch.

When she got up, she looked at me and asked, “Are you my daddy?” I told I was her husband. She was surprised. Then she asked my name. When I told her, she asked if I were her daddy again. This was like another occasion in the past few days. It wasn’t just that she couldn’t remember my name or that I am her husband. It was the fact that she asked so many times in succession. In addition, nothing seemed to jog her memory until we were well into our lunch.

She never seemed frustrated or disturbed, only puzzled that she and I were married. As we pulled out of the garage on the way to lunch, she asked again if I were her daddy. Again she was surprised when I said I was her husband. I commented on the fact that she seemed to be comfortable with me the way she would if she knew me. She acknowledged that she wasn’t afraid of me or bothered by me. She just didn’t know who I was.

When we arrived at the restaurant, I went around to her door and opened it. She said, “Richard” and pointed to her cup in the cup holder. She was asking if she should take it in. I told her to leave it in the car and then said, “You said my name.” She said, “What is it?”

It was no surprise that she pointed to the enlarged photo of Frank Sinatra on the wall of the restaurant and asked me who he is. She must have asked between five and ten times while we were there; however, she did remember that she has bad feelings about him. Before lunch was over she stopped asking my name, her name, and the names of our children. Part of the reason was that I felt as though I were pummeling her with information, and she needed a break. I think it was also a result of her having a longer experience in a restaurant that we frequent every Sunday. We talked with the hostess, our server, and another server we know. I think all of these things helped to bring back bits of her memory. A few minutes before we left the restaurant, she said, “You’re a good husband.” I said, “What makes you say that?” She said, “Somebody told me.”

We left the restaurant shortly after 3:30. In the car Kate asked if she could take a nap when we got home. I told her that would be fine but that I was surprised she was still sleepy since she had only been up less than four hours. When we walked in the house, she asked what she should do. I told her I thought she might like to brush her teeth and spend some time together in the family room. She went directly to a chair in the family room where I handed her the iPad. I went to brush my teeth. Before I finished brushing, she got into our bed for a nap. She was there until 5:30 when she told me she was hungry.

It’s not just names she is forgetting. I notice a number of other little things. For example, she asked me to tell her how to flush the toilet last night. For some time she hasn’t been flushing. I never thought about the fact that she might have forgotten how. Sometimes she doesn’t know where to put her cup when she gets in the car. She occasionally forgets where the seat belt is located though she remembers to put it on. A couple of nights ago after returning home from dinner, she walked out the back of the garage instead of coming into the house. When I explained that we were going in the house, she said, “How was I to know?”

As we returned home after dinner, Kate said, “It looks so different after dark. I’m glad I have a ‘witchie’ to drive me.” This is another instance of her getting mixed up with words. The words are sometimes unintelligible or unrecognizable. In this case she was trying to say “someone to drive me.” I said, “You wouldn’t know how to get home?” She answered, “I could get there. It was just take me a while.” This is one of those little signs of her retaining a sense of independence. It happens most frequently when she asks for my hand going up and down curbs or stairs. She frequently says, “I could do it myself. I just feel better holding your hand.”

These changes are coming about gradually but are frequent. Life is very different now than it was in the early years after her diagnosis.

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Not Everything Goes As Planned

As someone who likes to plan ahead, I may inadvertently convey that everything goes more smoothly for us than it does. Let me assure you that it doesn’t. I plan, but my plans don’t always work out. I am reminded of a cartoon that I saw on our church bulletin board years ago. It said, “God’s response to a five-year plan: Ha. Ha. Ha.” When my plans go awry, it is sometimes not my fault. Other times, it is. As my caregiving responsibilities increase, I notice that it is more the latter. Here are a few examples of the kind of things that I am slipping up on.

As you know, Kate and I go to Casa Bella the first three Thursdays each month. Because we are regulars, we don’t make reservations. We only call if we are not going to be there. The first Thursday in November I slipped up. We were just finishing dinner at another restaurant when I received a call asking if we were still coming. We rushed over and enjoyed the program.

This past Tuesday I was to “attend” a conference call meeting for a committee on which I serve. Although it was on my calendar, I forgot it.

Early last week I received a package with a cardigan sweater that I ordered online. I tried it on to make sure it fit. It did, but I had a little difficulty getting the zipper to work. It took me a couple of tries. It wasn’t until yesterday that I decided to wear it. This time I was unable to zip it at all. Now I need to send it back. In the meantime, I had thrown out the package and accompanying label and instructions should I need to return it. In this case, I didn’t create the problem with zipper, but I normally hold on to packaging and other materials just in case. For some reason, I didn’t follow my normal procedure. It’s not a big deal to correct the problem, but it creates an extra task that I could have easily avoided.

A week ago the father of someone with whom I have worked professionally died. His service was yesterday afternoon. I hadn’t worried about our making it because I had written it on my calendar for 2:30. That should have given me plenty of time to get Kate ready and to have lunch before leaving. Kate has been tired this week. It was just after noon before she got up. This required me to rush her a little more than either of us wanted. She got ready quickly, and we left for lunch right after 1:00.

Knowing that the service was 25 minutes away and that we didn’t have a lot of time to eat, I decided to stop by Panera. When we arrived, it was unusually busy. We couldn’t park as close as we usually do, and it was cold and rainy. Once inside I discovered a long line waiting to order. There were very few seats, so we sat at a community table. Kate is a slow eater. In fact, she does everything more slowly now. It was 1:50 when we left for the church. We arrived with six or seven minutes to spare only to discover that the service was over. It was a short service and started at 2:00, not 2:30 as I had entered on my calendar. That left us with a long 25-minute drive home.

These are all things that anyone could do, but they are not typical for me. I take this as another sign that being a caregiver has an impact in ways we may not perceive or expect. It is easy to become distracted. As we left Panera yesterday, I extended my hand to help Kate step off the curb. As I did, I was carrying an unfinished cup of coffee in my other hand and spilled it on my coat and shirt sleeve. So much for having everything perfectly under control.

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A Montage of Surprises, Confusion, and Frustration, But a Good Day

People who know me well understand that I like routine and predictability. For more than six months I have been looking for Kate to get up on a schedule. I would definitely like it to be somewhat early. Around 9:00 would work well for me. Since I get up between 5:30 and 6:00 most mornings, that would give me plenty of time to myself and also allow me to spend time with Kate. For a while it looked like she would sleep as late as 11:30 to 12:30. Within the past two weeks she surprised me by getting up between 9:00 and 10:00. More recently, she has slipped back to sleeping late again. That has made me think she is settling into late pattern rather than an early one. But is she really settling into a pattern at all?

Figuring I had plenty of time this morning, I was slow getting Kate’s clothes ready for her. When I checked on her shortly before 9:00, I found that she was up and looking around for clothes. She was confused and had been going through a closet in a guest room where she keeps her dressiest clothes, the ones she never wears these days. She was glad to see me and wanted my help. I took her to the room that we call “Kate’s room.” We used to call it her office, but she gave up any activity of the kind that she would do in an office. It has the closet where she keeps all her everyday clothes. I grabbed one of the new sweaters I had bought the day before along with a pair of pants and walked her back to our bedroom where she could take a shower in our bath.

Her confusion continued. She wanted me to tell her what she should do for each step. As I was doing this, she said, “Who are you?” I said, “Do you mean ‘What is our relationship or my name?’” She wanted my name. I went back to the kitchen while she showered. When I returned fifteen minutes later, she was in bed. She almost always gets back in bed after her shower. Since she had gotten up earlier than I expected, I decided to let her relax a while.

I returned forty-five minutes later. I assumed she would still be in bed, and she was. When she saw me, she said, “Are you my daddy?” I told her I was her husband. She was surprised but didn’t challenge me. I told her I would like to take her to lunch. She gave her customary response, “Where are my clothes?” I showed her and then helped her put them on.

We ate at the Tupelo Grill for lunch. She wasn’t talkative, but we had a nice time. It was three weeks since we had been there, so we had conversation with our server about our respective Thanksgivings. A little later we had another conversation with her about our Christmas plans.

On the way home I turned on the radio. George W. was beginning his remarks at his father’s service. She listened attentively. When we got home, she wanted to stay in the car to listen to more. I told her I would turn on the TV, and she could watch the rest of the service inside. She liked that and quickly became engaged. She especially liked the music, but she was trying to follow everything. She was still watching when the sitter arrived. I was pleased to see that she gave the sitter a warm welcome before leaving.

When I got home, she and the sitter were seated in front of the TV though Kate was working on her iPad. They had not left the house at all. Apparently, the service and follow up afterwards had held her attention. That was a rare event. I was glad to know that she showed such interest. I am sure she couldn’t follow much of it, but she could sense the emotions of the moment.

After coming home from dinner, she started working on her iPad. Several times she asked for my help. At least one of those times, she had accidentally opened a different app. The others, however, involved her having trouble putting the pieces in place. Once was when she first opened a puzzle. The pieces were scattered across the screen, and she didn’t know what to do. This was not the first time this has happened; however, it always surprises me. Since she works puzzles six to eight hours a day and had just finished a puzzle, it seems like her “autopilot” would take over when a new one is opened. She encountered another problem that also seems surprising. There was only one piece remaining. It was the bottom, left hand corner piece and was clearly visible (to me, at least). She couldn’t figure out how to finish the puzzle. I showed her the piece and then showed her the place where it was to go. A few minutes later, she became frustrated and asked me if she could go to bed. It was just before 7:30. I told her that would be fine and got her night clothes for her and helped her get into them. I am hoping this will make it easy for her to get up in the morning. We will need to leave for my doctor’s office by 10:00.

Tomorrow I have my labs in advance of an appointment next week.

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Thanksgiving Day

We had a nice day. It was a little different from past visits. For the second day in a row, I had to wash clothes before leaving the hotel. I am sure this is one of the things that discourages many caregivers from traveling with their loved ones. During the morning, we remained at the hotel until time to get to Kevin’s for the Thanksgiving meal. Kate was especially relaxed. After being awake around 6:30, she went back to sleep and didn’t get up until I woke her around 10:30. We were here last in May. That was just before Kate’s sleeping became more erratic. Since then it has been difficult to plan things before noon or 1:00. I stayed in touch with Kevin concerning our progress in getting ready, and we arrived at his house pretty much on time.

We got off to a good start. Kate seemed very much herself and greeted our son and his family as she always has. Rachel’s parents, Lila and Jerry Livingston were also with us. I know Kate could not remember them, but she carried off the initial moments quite well. It wasn’t until we were eating that she seemed to work hard to be a part of the conversation. It’s hard for me to explain, but she didn’t seem like herself. She was like a child seeking attention. At one point, she made several impolite remarks to Lila, and even suggested that Lila might be lying. The rest of us were silent. No one knew quite what to say. The fortunate thing is that everyone is aware of Kate’s Alzheimer’s and has been around Kate long before the diagnosis. I feel sure they understood this wasn’t Kate speaking. It was the Alzheimer’s. It was similar to the way she was in a conversation at Barnes & Noble a week or two ago. I hope this doesn’t become a habit. If it does, I may have to create some small cards explaining that she has Alzheimer’s. I could slip them to people we encounter in public situations.

The experience also reminded me of a book written by Martin Schreiber, My Two Elaines. His choice for a title emphasized the personality differences between his wife before and after her Alzheimer’s. Until recently, I hadn’t experienced anything like this with Kate. As with so many things, I wonder what lies ahead.

Following lunch, we turned on the Cowboys/Redskins ball game. For twenty or thirty minutes, Kate looked through a photo book of Kevin’s family trip to several national parks in the West. Brian, Kevin’s son, explained what she was seeing. She went through the entire book and enjoyed it. After that, she withdrew from the group. She rested in her chair with her eyes closed for a long time. I doubt that she was asleep but may have dosed periodically. After a while, I went out to the car and got her iPad and brought it to her. She is usually quick to accept it and work on it for a long period of time. That wasn’t so yesterday. She simply kept it beside her.

Coincidentally, I was involved in a short Twitter exchange this week that involved the challenges of being in groups for people with dementia. I commented that Kate does best with just one other couple and even better one-on-one. Yesterday’s experience adds to all the other changes I have noticed over the past few months. It even makes me a bit more cautious about our plans to be with Jesse and her family for Christmas.

After eating some of the leftover turkey and brisket, we came back to the hotel. Kate quickly got into her puzzles on the iPad. I checked email, Twitter, and started my draft of this post. I tried to find the last of the football game on our TV but stopped on the Discovery Channel instead. We both enjoyed the featured program on animal behavior.

Kate seemed to be herself. She was tired and got to bed a little earlier than the past few nights. She is still sleeping now at 7:50. I think we will take it easy this morning. I’ll be in touch with Kevin about possibilities for lunch and the afternoon.

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Sad Moments

Yesterday I mentioned the sadness that accompanies special holidays, events, or occasions that one believes might be the last ones. They are not the only sad moments. There are plenty of others. I had one of those yesterday afternoon. It was almost 3:00 when Kate and I came back to the house after lunch. For a short time she looked at one of her photo books that she and her brother Ken had made for her mother’s family. I was glad to see her pick it up and sat down with her. It’s been a week or two since she had looked at any of her photo books. With her memory fading quickly, I was interested in seeing how well this one brought back memories. I was pleased that she was often able to recognize her various family members, especially her mother, father, and grandmother. It wasn’t long before she said she was tired and wanted to lie down. An hour later, I asked if she would like to get out of the house for a while. She did and got up to go to the bathroom.

I went to the laundry room to transfer clothes from the washer to the dryer. In a few minutes, I heard her say, “Hey.” This is becoming her common way of calling for me now that my name is slipping away. Until the last few weeks, she has been calling my name. I walked into the family room. She was standing there pointing to her wet pants. She didn’t say a word. She was like a little child who might have had the same experience. She just wanted me to help her. I felt so sad. Although she has had accidents around the toilet, this was her first experience when she was fully dressed. I said, “It looks like you had a little accident, but we can take care of that. Come with me.” She followed me to the bathroom where she took off her clothes, again with my help as one might do with a child. Then I got her some clean clothes. She thanked me. I told I wanted her to count on me anytime she needs help. This is the kind of experience I find the hardest to deal with. I don’t like seeing this disease bring her to her knees like this.

I had one other sad moment last night as she was getting ready for bed. She asked, “Who are you?” I told her I was her husband and that I loved her. I added, “And you love me too.” She could not believe either of these things. I went to the family room and got a photo book with our wedding pictures. I showed her several of her with her father and with me. She was convinced. Then she said, “What is your name?” Her memory of me is fading more quickly now and will soon be gone.

I hasten to add that she is remains very comfortable with me. She still mentions the good times we have had. It is clear that her memory comes and goes throughout the day. It’s not just a period of confusion in the morning. It’s almost like someone turns a switch on and off at random times. I am grateful for those moments when she does know who I am, but know what lies ahead.

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Why does “roller coaster” come to mind?

This has been quite a day. Let me see if I capture it in words. First of all, there was no sleeping in today. I heard Kate push open the door from the back of the house to the family room. When I checked, she was standing in the doorway fully dressed. It was 9:15. I walked over to her and said, “Good morning.” She said, “Let’s go.” She was impatient, ready for her muffin at Panera. I told her I needed a few minutes to get ready and that I would get her medicine for her. She said, “What medicine?” Apparently, she had forgotten she takes pills each morning. This was the first time she has responded this way about her meds.

She went to the kitchen. I went to our bathroom for her medicine. I heard her say loudly, “Hey.” Before I could answer, she said it again. I got the pills and headed toward the kitchen. Again, I heard her say, “Hey, are you coming?” It is not uncommon at all for her to rush me when she is ready. This morning she was more vociferous than usual.

I put her meds on the island where I put them every morning along with a glass of water. After taking half of them, she turned around to the sink and poured out the water. I noticed the others she had left and called her attention to them. This, too, is becoming a frequent pattern, so I am watching more closely to see that she takes them. When I pointed them out, she said, “Why didn’t you put them over here where I could see them – on the counter by the sink where she was standing.” (At one of Kate’s recent doctor’s appointments, the doctor mentioned the possibility of reducing the number she takes. He was talking about her Aricept (donepezil) and Namenda (memantine). I told him I didn’t know that they worked at all, but Kate was doing well. I wasn’t ready to drop them, primarily because there is some evidence that a decline sometimes follows that. I am still not ready to drop these two prescriptions; however, I believe we might be able to give up the vitamin D and calcium. That will be something to discuss at Kate’s next appointment.)

Once we were in the car, she continued her “gruffness” only this time she was trying to be funny. It wasn’t working. It was almost like a Don Rickles bit, and I was the victim. She said some of the things she has said before. She said that I wasn’t handsome and talked about my nose. She surprised me by asking me if she had a nose like mine. I told her she didn’t. She was relieved.

As we got out of the car, one of our Panera friends drove into the space beside us. I said something about his wife’s not being with him. Kate said something like, “I guess she didn’t want to be seen by you.” That is totally out of character for her. I’ve never heard her say something like that to anyone else but me. She was kidding, but it didn’t sound like it.

Once we were inside and about to sit down, Kate stopped and said something to a man seated at the next table. I didn’t heard what she said, but she was telling him something about me. She started to turn away. Then she stopped and said something else to the man. I set up her iPad for her and went to get her a drink. When I brought her drink to her, she said thank you. Then she spoke to the man she had spoken to earlier and said, “He’s really a nice guy.”

Her behavior was not just notable because she was teasing but not doing a good job of it. It was more like she were playing a role and not herself. Normally, she wouldn’t be talking so much, nor would she say the things she said. She continued in the car on the way to lunch. Once again, she was “teasing” me. Something came up about our relationship, and I told her we were married. She expressed surprise. That was nothing new. Then she said, “Is that for real?” I told her it was. She said, “I don’t know what I was thinking. In a few minutes, she said, “You know I’m kidding, don’t you?. You’re a nice guy. What’s your name?” Her tone was very different than before. She was more like herself.

As we settled in at our table in the restaurant, we had a rather typical conversation except that she was more talkative than usual. Several times she asked me questions about her mother and father, my name, her name and where we live. Our server commented that she hadn’t had to refill my coffee as much as she usually does. I also didn’t finish my salad before the entrée arrived. I told her I hadn’t had time because we were talking so much.

After lunch, we drove back to the house. On the way, Kate said she loved me. I told her I loved her as well. Then she said, “What’s your name?” She was very tired and asked if it would be all right if she took a nap when we got home. I told her that would be fine. She didn’t waste much time before she was in the bed where she remained for an hour and a half before I asked if she would like to get out of the house. She was ready, so now we are at Barnes & Noble. We’ll be here another thirty or forty minutes before going to dinner. I’m glad to say it seems like she is back to normal.

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A New First in Connection with Sleep

Except for Thursday, Kate has slept late every morning this week. Night before last, she went to be bed later than usual. Several times I suggested that she get ready for bed. Each time she was engrossed with her jigsaw puzzles and wanted to finish “this one.” She always forgets and opens another one. I was able to get her into her night clothes, but she continued on her iPad after getting into bed. Finally, I decided to get in bed. That usually prompts her to do the same. This time she kept on working her puzzles. She didn’t want to but agreed to call it a night. It was after 10:00. She seems to need about twelve or thirteen hours a night, so I was a little concerned that she might be working her way into staying up longer and sleeping later. I suggested she stop for the night, and she reluctantly agreed.

Yesterday we had no obligations to be anywhere at any time nor did we have a sitter. I decided to let her sleep until about 10:30. That would have given her close to twelve hours sleep. As I have been doing lately, I turned on some music. About twenty minutes later, I checked on her. She was sleeping soundly. I tried to wake her gently. She looked up at me and immediately closed her eyes. I asked if she would like me to take her to lunch. She didn’t answer. I told her I would let her sleep a little longer. I went back a couple of other times before trying a little harder to get her up. That was shortly after noon. She was resistant. I asked if she would like me to go ahead to lunch and leave her with the housekeeper. She asked me to go ahead, and I did. That was a first. Each time I have given her the option to stay with the sitter and have the sitter take her to lunch later, she has always gotten up. That didn’t work this time. When I got back, she was still in bed. That’s when I told her I hated to get her up but felt I was concerned that she might not be able to get to sleep tonight if she stayed in bed much longer. She got up. As she does frequently now, she asked me where the bathroom is.  She held my hand as I walked her there.

She is still vacillating between wanting my help getting dressed and holding on to her independence. She started to dress herself. Then she asked that I stay with her. Ultimately, she needed help with every step. She struggled a second with her pants and then handed them to me to put on. She put on her socks by herself. Sometimes she gives them to me to put on for her. She handed her shoes to me so that I could put them on for her.

It was 2:25 when we left the house to get her some lunch. I had decided earlier to skip our customary lunch at Bluefish. We went over to Panera where she got a sandwich. We stayed there another until 4:00 and came back to the house. We relaxed in the family room. After a while, she put her iPad down, closed her eyes and rested in her chair. She was still tired even after getting up so late. Because of that I suggested that we eat early.

We had a very nice time at dinner. The food was good, but it was our time together that was special. We were both enjoying the moment. That doesn’t mean that she didn’t ask me the restaurant’s name multiple times as well as the city name. One of the new things is her asking, “What is Knoxville?” when I tell her where we are. I tell her that Knoxville is a city, like Fort Worth is a city. While eating, we talked about our marriage and being grateful that our love has lasted. She said, “I’ll tell you one thing. I’m going to keep you.” Immediately following that she said, “What is your name?”

Those of you who visit this site regularly know that we view eating out as a social occasion. We experienced a little of that as well. We saw two couples that I have known professionally. One of the women reminded me that she had hired me to lead a workshop at the State Library many years ago. I didn’t remember it at all. It must have been when I was just starting out because leading workshops was never a significant part of my career. I was pleased to see that the other woman immediately engaged Kate in conversation. We see her and her husband in various places around town and joined them for a few minutes at their table before we left.

On the way home, Kate asked, “Where are we staying tonight?” I told her we were going to stay in our “very own home.” She was both surprised and pleased. Since she is unable to remember where she is, she often feels like we are someplace else. Most of the time she thinks we are in her home town of Fort Worth. She said she was tired and was going to bed early. As we arrived at our house, she said, “It looks like they’ve kept up the house.” Then as she got out of the car, she said, “I haven’t the slightest idea where I am.”

Once inside the house, I put on an album of Puccini arias. She stopped working on her iPad to listen. When it was over, I asked if she would like to watch the last act of La Boheme. We had watched the first two acts the previous night. When it was over, we got ready for bed. She asked, “What is your name?” I asked, “Do you remember that we are married?” She nodded. I said, “Do you love me?” She said, “Yes.” Then I told her how long we had been married. She was as surprised as she has ever been. Then I said, “My name is Richard Creighton.”