Reflecting on Kate’s Intuitive Abilities

As Kate’s rational abilities (remembering names, places, processes, relationships, etc.) continue to fade away, I find myself focusing even more on her intuitive abilities. These are the ones that involve our five senses, sight, suond, taste, smell, and touch. As Judy Cornish stresses in The Dementia Handbook, it is the rational abilities that decline so rapidly with dementia. People with dementia (PWD) continue to experience the world through their senses and from them derive associated feelings. They also hold on to feelings associated with people, places, and things even after the names are forgotten. I have often mentioned how important music has been to Kate and me, but I don’t believe I have given sufficient attention to her other sensory experiences. In addition to sound, sight has been especially important. I would like to relate a few experiences that occurred yesterday that illustrate what I mean.

It began first thing yesterday morning. Well, not “first thing.” It was actually 10:45 when I walked into the bedroom and noticed that Kate was awake. As I walked over to the bed, she smiled at me and gave me a little wave with her hand. From past experience I know that it is unlikely that she remembered my name. It is quite possible she didn’t remember that I am her husband; however, she did recognize me as someone she knows and likes. She responded very much the way she would have if she did not have Alzheimer’s. That was a “happy moment” for both of us, and it didn’t require any of the typical rational knowledge that we normally associate with a husband/wife relationship of fifty-five years. She felt good that I was there, and I felt good seeing her greet me so warmly.

You may recall two other similar experiences I have mentioned before. One involves a friend of Kate’s we saw at a movie several months ago. Kate has always liked her. We spoke for a few minutes. When we turned away to go into the theater, Kate said, “Who was that? I don’t remember her at all, but I  liked her.” Indeed she did. The other involves a negative feeling and is one that has occurred several times. It’s a mug shot of Frank Sinatra that hangs in a restaurant where we eat our Sunday lunch. She can never remember who he is, but she knows she doesn’t like him. That relates to my telling her about the circumstances of his arrest for adultery and seduction. Of course, she doesn’t remember that, only her feeling about it and him.

One of the best illustrations of the pleasure she derives from sight involves the children we see wherever we go. She loves watching them and often speaks to them. Another is her love for beauty in nature. I see this most often when she comments about the trees on the neighbor’s property behind our house. It also occurs when we are driving along the highway or local streets. She often says, “I love the green.” She is referring to the green trees and shrubbery. This experience also extends to sunsets and houses. As we leave our house, she almost always says, “I like that house.” when we pass the last house on our street. When she goes through the “Big Sister” photo book that her brother Ken made, she repeatedly comments on the smiles on people’s faces, even her own. And I shouldn’t overlook the puzzles she works. She often shows me a puzzle and comments about the beautiful colors or the cute kittens, and she works those same puzzles over and over and over. In the coming year I plan to make more visits to two of our local museums and our zoo. These are also things that she appreciates through her visual ability.

Of course, our senses are working together all the time. When I describe the pleasure Kate receives from music at Casa Bella, it is really mixed with the sight of familiar faces and good feelings about those with whom we sit each time. She can enjoy a great evening without depending on any rational abilities at all.

She has had several experiences over the past two days that illustrate the interaction of sight and sound. The first occurred at lunch on New Years. As we entered Panera, we saw a man we often call Montana because he spent much of his life there. He is there almost everyday. He sits outside rain or shine in winter and summer and always wears a cowboy hat. Over the past few years, Kate has always spoken to him when we arrive. After he returned her greeting on Tuesday, she said, “I like your voice. You should be on the radio.” By itself, this is just an indication that she liked his voice, but it is also something that is a common occurrence. She doesn’t say it to everyone, but she does often tell the person or me that he or she has a nice voice. I might add that Kate no longer remembers him as Montana or his real name, but she remembers him and continues to speak with him each time she sees him.

We had two similar experiences with servers yesterday, one at lunch, the other at dinner. The server at lunch has served us for several years. We often talk with her about her daughter who is a competitive swimmer. Yesterday we caught up on our separate travels to visit family for Christmas. As we left, Kate commented on how nice she is and her “natural” way of relating to her customers. With a different server, our experience could have been quite different. The best part might have only been the meal. As it was, sight and sound made for an enjoyable social experience as well.

The experience last night was similar though different in that our server had only served us once before. We didn’t have a history with her. I try to learn our servers’ names and asked her name. A little later, I asked if she were a student. She said she was, and I asked her major. Before we left, we had found out that she used to work at Casa Bella and knows the family of the owners. After we told her goodbye, Kate said, “I’m impressed with her, and she has a beautiful voice.” Again, her pleasure didn’t rely on her rational abilities at all.

These experiences remind me once again that how much of our pleasure derives from our intuitive abilities. For the past eight years, Kate and I have emphasized these abilities. We have enjoyed life and been happy. It is only within the past six months that I have understood why. I thank Judy Cornish for opening my eyes to the value of our intuitive abilities, especially for people with dementia. That becomes their only world.